CHAPTERXVI

chapterxvi

inqueerpsychologytherewasastrangeminglingofthepitifulandcomic—amongadivision(the35th)knownasthebantams.theywereallvolunteers,havingbeenrejectedbytheordinaryrecruiting-officeronaccountoftheirdiminutivestature,whichwasonanaveragefivefeethigh,descendingtofourfeetsix.mostofthemcamefromlancashire,cheshire,durham,andglasgow,beingthedwarfedchildrenofindustrialenglandanditsmid-victoriancruelties.otherswerefromlondon,bandedtogetherinabattalionofthemiddlesexregiment.theygaveashocktoourfrenchfriendswhentheyarrivedasadivisionattheportofboulogne.

“nameofadog!”saidthequaysideloungers.“englandistrulyinabadway.sheissendingoutherlastreserves!”

“buttheyarethesoldiersoflilliput!”exclaimedothers.

“itisterriblethattheyshouldsendtheselittleones,”saidkind-heartedfishwives.

underthetrainingofgeneralpi,whocommandedthem,theybecamesmartandbriskintheranks.theysalutedlikeminiatureguardsmen,marchedwithquicklittlestepslikeclockworksoldiers.itwascomicaltoseethemstruttingupanddownassentriesoutsidedivisionalheadquarters,withtheirbayonetshighabovetheirweebodies.intrenchwarfaretheydidwell—thoughthefire-stephadtoberaisedtoletthemseeoverthetop—andinoneraidcapturedagermanmachine-gunwhichisawintheirhands,andhauleditback(aheavierweightthanours)likeantslingwithastickofstraw.inactualbattletheywerehardlystrongenoughandcouldnotcarryallthatburdenoffighting-kit—steelhelmet,rifle,hand-grenades,shovels,emptysand-bags—withwhichothertroopswentintoaction.sotheywereusedassupporttroopsmostly,behindtheblackwatchandotherbattalionsnearbazentinandlongueval,andtherethesepoorlittlemendugandduglikebeaversandcrouchedinthecovertheymadeunderdamnablefire,untilmanyofthemwereblowntobits.therewasno“glory”intheirjob,onlyfilthandblood,buttheyheldthegroundandsuffereditall,notgladly.theyhadachanceoftakingprisonersatlongueval,wheretheyrummagedingermandugoutsafterthelinehadbeentakenbythe15thscottishdivisionandthe3d,andtheybroughtbackanumberofenormousbavarianswhowerelikethebrobdingnagianstotheselittlemenoflilliputanddisgustedwiththathumiliation.imetthewholecrowdofthemafterthatadventure,astheysat,halfnaked,pickingtheliceoutoftheirshirts,andtheconversationihadwiththemremainsinmymemorybecauseofitsgrotesquehumorandtragiccomicality.theywereexcitedandemotional,thesestuntedmen.theycursedthewarwiththefoulestcursesofscottishandnortherndialects.therewasonefellow—thejesterofthemall—whoselanguagewouldhavemadethepoppiesblush.withironicallaughter,outrageousblasphemy,grotesqueimagery,hedescribedthesufferingofhimselfandhismatesunderbarragefire,whichsmashedmanyofthemintobleedingpulp.hehadnouseforthiswar.hecursedthenameof“glory.”headvocatedatrade—unionismamongsoldierstodowntoolswhenevertherewasathreatofwar.hewasabolshevistbeforebolshevism.yethehadnolikingforgermansanddesiredtocutthemintosmallbits,toslittheirthroats,todisembowelthem.helookedhomewardtoayorkshiretownandwonderedwhathismissuswouldsayifshesawhimscratchinghimselflikeanape,orlyingwithhisheadintheearthwithshellsburstingaroundhim,orproddinggermanswithabayonet.“oh,”saidthatfive-foothero,“therewillbealotofmurderafterthisbloodywar.what'shumanlife?what'sthevalueofoneman'sthroat?we'retrainedupasmurderers—idon'tdislikeit,mindyou—andafterthewarwesha'n'tgetoutofthehabitofit.it'llcomenat'rallike!”

hewastalkingformybenefit,eggedontofurtheraudacitiesbyagroupofcomradeswhoroaredwithlaughterandsaid:“goit,bill!that'sthestuff!”amongtheselilliputianswerefellowswhosataloofandsullen,orspokeoftheiradventurewithitsrecenthorrorintheireyes.someofthemhadbigheadsonsmallbodies,asthoughtheysufferedfromwateronthebrain...manyofthemweresenthomeafterward.generalhaldane,ascommanderofthe6thcorps,paradedthem,andpokedhisstickatthemorewizenedones,theobviouslyunfit,thedegenerates,andsaidateachprod,“youcango...you...you....”thebantamdivisionceasedtoexist.

theyaffordedmanyjokestothearmy.oneanecdotewenttheround.abantamdied—ofdisease(“andhewould,”saidgeneralhaldane)—andacomradecametoseehiscorpse.

“shutzedoorvenyoucomeout,”saidtheoldwomanofhisbillet.“fermezlaporte,monvieux.”

thelivingbantamwenttoseethedeadone,andcamedownstairsmuchmovedbygrief.

“i'veseedpoorbill,”hesaid.

“as-tufermelaporte?”saidtheoldwoman,anxiously.

thebantamwonderedattheanxiousinquiry;askedthereasonofit.

“c'estacauseduchat!”saidtheoldwoman.“zecat,monsieur,'e'ave'adyourfriendinzepassagetreetimealreadyto-day.troisfois!”

poorlittlemenbornofdiseasedcivilization!theywerevolunteerstoaman,andsomeofthemwithasmuchcourageassoldierstwicetheirsize.

theywerethebantamswhotoldmeoftheanglicanpadreatlongueval.itwasfatherhallofmirfield,attachedtothesouthafricanbrigade.hecameouttoadressingstationestablishedintheonebitofruinwhichcouldbeusedforshelter,anddevotedhimselftothewoundedwithaspiritualfervor.theyweresufferinghorriblyfromthirst,whichmadetheirtonguesswellandsettheirthroatsonfire.

“water!”theycried.“water!forchrist'ssake,water!”

therewasnowater,exceptatawellinlongueval,underthefireofgermansnipers,whopickedoffourmenwhentheycrawleddownlikewilddogswiththeirtongueslollingout.therewasonegermanofficerthereinashell-holenotfarfromthewell,whosatwithhisrevolverhandy,andhewasadeadshot.

buthedidnotshootthepadre.somethinginthefaceandfigureofthatchaplain,hisdisregardofthebulletssnappingabouthim,theupright,fearlesswayinwhichhecrossedthatwayofdeath,heldbacktheer-fingerofthegermanofficerandhelethimpass.hepassedmanytimes,untouchedbybulletsormachine-gunfire,andhewentintobadplaces,pitsofhorror,carryinghottea,whichhemadefromthewellwaterformeninagony.