LETTER155

letter155

marylambtodorothywordsworth

[p.m.august29,1806.]

mydearmisswordsworth—afterihadputmyletterinthepostyesterdayiwasuneasyallthenightbecauseofsomefewexpressionsrelativetopoorcoleridge—imean,insayingiwishedyourbrotherwouldcometotownandthatiwishedyourbrotherwouldconsultmr.southey.iamverysureyourbrotherwilltakenostepinconsequenceofanyfoolishadvicethaticangivehim,sofariameasy,butthepainfulreflectionsihavehadduringasleeplessnighthasinducedmetowritemerelytoquietmyself,becauseihavefelteversince,thatinthepresentsituationofcoleridge,returnedafteranabsenceoftwoyears,andfeelingareluctancetoreturntohisfamily,ioughtnottothrowintheweightofahairinadvisingyouoryourbrother,andthatioughtnottohavesomuchasnamedtoyouhisreluctancetoreturntokeswick,forsolittleisitinmypowertocalculateonhisactionsthatperhapsinafewdayshemaybeonhisreturnhome.

you,mydearfriend,willperfectlyunderstandmethatidonotmeanthatimightnotfreelysaytoyouanythingthatisuponmymind—but[the]truthis,mypoormindissoweakthatineverdaretrustmyownjudgementinanything:whatithinkonehourafitoflowspiritsmakesmeunthinkthenext.yesterdayiwrote,anxiouslylongingformr.wordsworthandmr.southeytoendeavourtobringmrs.c.toconsenttoaseparation,andtodayithinkoftheletterireceivedfrommrs.coleridge,tellingme,asjoyfulnews,thatherhusbandisarrived,andifeelitverywronginmeevenintheremotestdegreetodoanythingtopreventherseeingthathusband—sheandherhusbandbeingtheonlypeoplewhooughttobeconcernedintheaffair.

allthatihavesaid,ormeanttosay,youwillperfectlyunderstand,itbeingnothingmorethantobegyouwillconsiderbothmylettertodayandyesterdayasifyouhadnotreadeither,theybeingbothequallytheeffectoflowspirits,broughtonbythefatigueofcoleridge'sconversationandtheanxiouscareeventomiserywhichihavefeltsincehehasbeenhere,thatsomethingcouldbedonetomakesuchanadmirablecreaturehappy.norhas,iassureyou,mrs.coleridgebeenwithoutherfullshareinaddingtomyuneasiness.theysayshegrowsfatandisveryhappy—andpeoplesayigrowfatandlookhappy—

itisfoolishtoteizeyouaboutmyanxieties,youwillfeelquiteenoughonthesubjectyourself,andyourlittleonesareallill,andnodoubtyouarefatiguedwithnursing,buticouldnothelpwritingtoday,totellyouhowwhatisaidyesterdayhasvextandworriedme.burnboththesefoolishlettersanddonotnamethesubjectofthem,becausecharleswilleitherblamemeforhavingwrittensomethingimproperorhewilllaughatmeformyfoolishfearsaboutnothing.

thoughiwishyounottotakenoticeofwhatihavesaid,yetishallrejoicetoseealetterfromyou,andihope,whenyouhavehalfanhour'sleisure,toseealinefromyou.wehavenotheardfromcoleridgesincehewentoutoftown,butidaresayyouhaveheardeitherfromhimormrs.clarkson.

iremainmydearfriend

yoursmostaffectionately

m.lamb.

friday[august29].

[forthefullunderstandingofmarylamb'sletteritisnecessarytoreadcoleridge'slifeandhisletters.coleridgeonhisreturnfromabroadreachedlondonaugust17,1806,andtookuphisquarterswiththelambsonthefollowingday.heoncemorejoinedstuart,theneditingthecourier,butmuchofhisoldenthusiasmhadgone.inmr.dykescampbell'swords:—

"almosthisfirstwordstostuartwere:'iamliterallyafraid,eventocowardice,toaskforanyperson,orofanyperson.'spiteofthefriendliestandmostunquestioningwelcomefromallmostdeartohim,itwasthesaddestofhome-comings,fortheverysympathyheldoutwithbothhandsinducedonlyabitter,hopelessfeelingofremorse—a

"'senseofpastyouth,andmanhoodcomeinvain;—

andgeniusgiven,andknowledgewoninvain;—'

"ofbrokenpromises,—promisestofriendsandpromisestohimself;andaboveall,senseofawillparalysed—deadperhaps,killedbyhisownhand."

coleridgeremainedatlamb'satanyrateuntilaugust29,afterwardstakingroomsinthecourierofficeat348strand.meanwhilehisreluctancetomeetorcommunicatewithhiswifewascausinghisfriendsmuchconcern,nonemoresothanmarylamb,whowroteatleasttwolettersfilledwithanxioussympathytodorothywordsworthonthesubject,askingforthemediationofwordsworthorsouthey.herearlierletterismissing.

to"emr.dykescampbellagain:—

"onseptember16—justamonthafterhislanding—hewrotehisfirstlettertohiswife,tosaythathemightbeexpectedatgretahallonthe29th.

"beforethis,wordsworthhadinformedsirgeorgebeaumontthatcoleridge'darenotgohome,herecoilssomuchfromthethoughtofdomesticatingwithmrs.coleridge,withwhom,thoughonmanyaccountshemuchrespectsher,heissomiserablethathedarenotencounterit.whatadeplorablething!ihavewrittentohimtosaythatifhedoesnotcomedownimmediatelyimustinsistuponseeinghimsome-where.ifheappointslondonishallgo.

"'ibelieveifanythinggoodistobedoneforhimitmustbedonebyme.'"

"itwasthisletterofwordsworth,doubtless,whichdrewcoleridgetothenorth.dorothy'slettertoladybeaumont,writtenonreceiptoftheannouncementofcoleridge'shome-coming,goescopiouslyandminutelyintothereasonsfortheestrangementbetweenthepoetandhiswife.misswordsworthstillhadhopesofanimprovement.'poorsoul!'shewrites,'hehadaleofmanyyears,strivingtobringmrs.c.toachangeoftemper,andsomethinglikecommunionwithhiminhisenjoyments.heisnow,itrust,effectuallyconvincedthathehasnopowerofthatsort,'andmay,shethinks,ifhewillbe'reconciledtothatonegreatwant,wantofsympathy,'liveathomeinpeaceandquiet.'mrs.c.hasmanyexcellentproperties,asyouobserve;sheisunremittinginherattentionasanursetoherchildren,and,indeed,ibelieveshewouldhavemadeanexcellentwifetomanypersons.coleridgeisaslittlefittedforherassheforhim,andiamtrulysorryforher.'"

itmightperhapsbestatedherethattheseparationwasagreeduponin

december.attheendofthatmonthcoleridgevisitedthewordsworthsat

coleortonwithhartley,andinafewdaysbegantobe"morelikehisold

self"—indorothywordsworth'sphrase.

iappendanundatedletterwhichmaybelongtothisperiod:—]