LETTER148

letter148

marylambtosarahstoddart

[march,1806.]

mydearsarah,—nointentionofforfeitingmypromise,butmerewantoftime,haspreventedmefromcontinuingmyjournal.youseempleasedwiththelong,stupidoneisent,and,therefore,ishallcertainlycontinuetowriteateveryopportunity.thereasonwhyihavenothadanytimetospare,isbecausecharleshasgivenhimselfsomeholidaysafterthehardlabouroffinishinghisfarce,and,therefore,ihavehadnoneoftheeveningleisureipromisedmyself.nextweekhepromisestogotoworkagain.iwishhemayhappentohituponsomenewplan,tohismind,foranotherfarce:whenoncebegun,idonotfearhisperseverance,buttheholidayshehasallowedhimself,ifear,willunsettlehim.ilookforwardtonextweekwiththesamekindofanxietyididtothefirstentranceatthenewlodging.wehavehad,asyouknow,somanyteasinganxietiesoflate,thatihavegotakindofhabitofforebodingthatweshallneverbecomfortable,andthathewillneversettletowork:whichiknowiswrong,andwhichiwilltrywithallmymighttoovercome—forcertainly,ificouldbutseethingsastheyreallyare,ourprospectsareconsiderablyimprovedsincethememorabledayofmrs.fenwick'slastvisit.ihaveheardnothingofthatgoodlady,orofthefells,sinceyouleftus.

wehavebeenvisitingalittle—tonorris's,togodwin's;andlastnightwedidnotcomehomefromcaptainburney'stilltwoo'clock:thesaturdaynightwaschangedtofriday,becauserickmancouldnotbethereto-night.wehadthebestteathings,andthelitterallclearedaway,andeverythingashandsomeaspossible—mrs.rickmanbeingoftheparty.mrs.rickmanismuchincreasedinsizesincewesawherlast,andthealterationinherstraitshapewonderfullyimprovesher.phillipswasthere,andcharleshadalongbatchofcribbagewithhim:and,uponthewhole,wehadthemostchearfuleveningihaveknowntherealongtime.to-morrow,wedineatholcroft's.thesethingsratherfatigueme;butilookforaquietweeknextweek,andhopeforbettertimes.wehavehadmrs.brooksandallthemartins,andwehavelikewisebeenthere;sothatiseemtohavebeeninacontinualbustlelately.idonotthinkcharlescaressomuchforthemartinsashedid,whichisafactyouwillbegladtohear—thoughyoumustnotnamethemwhenyouwrite:alwaysremember,whenitellyouanythingaboutthem,nottomentiontheirnamesinreturn.

wehavehadaletterfromyourbrother,bythesamemailasyours,isuppose;hesayshedoesnotmeantoreturntillsummer,andthatisallhesaysabouthimself;hisletterbeingentirelyfilledwithalongstoryaboutlordnelson—butnothingmorethanwhatthenewspapershavebeenfullof,suchashislastwords,&c.whydoesheteaseyouwithsomuchgoodadvice?isitmerelytofilluphislettersashefilledourswithlordnelson'sexploits?orhasanynewthingcomeoutagainstyou?hashediscoveredmr.curse-a-rat'scorrespondence?ihopeyouwillnotwritetothatnews-sendinggentlemananymore.ipromisednevermoretogivemyadvice,butonemaybeallowedtohopealittle;andialsohopeyouwillhavesomethingtotellmesoonaboutmr.w[hite]:haveyouseenhimyet?iamsorrytohearyourmotherisnotbetter,butiaminahopinghumourjustnow,andicannothelphopingthatweshallallseehappierdays.thebellsarejustnowringingforthetakingofthecapeofgoodhope.

ihavewrittentomrs.coleridgetotellherthatherhusbandisatnaples;yourbrotherslightlynamedhisbeingthere,buthedidnotsaythathehadheardfromhimhimself.charlesisverybusyattheoffice;hewillbekeptthereto-daytillsevenoreighto'clock:andhecamehomeverysmokyanddrinkylastnight;sothatiamafraidahardday'sworkwillnotagreeverywellwithhim.

0dear!whatshallisaynext?whythisiwillsaynext,thatiwishyouwaswithme;ihavebeeneatingamuttonchopallalone,andihavebeenjustlookinginthepintporterpot,whichifindquiteempty,andyetiamstillverydry.ifyouwaswithme,wewouldhaveaglassofbrandyandwater;butitisquiteimpossibletodrinkbrandyandwaterbyoneself;therefore,imustwaitwithpatiencetillthekettleboils.ihatetodrinkteaalone,itisworsethandiningalone,wehavegotafreshcargoofbiscuitsfromcaptainburney's.ihave—

marchl4.—hereiwasinterrupted;andalong,tediousintervalhasintervened,duringwhichihavehadneithertimenorinclinationtowriteaword.thelodging—thatprideandpleasureofyourheartandmine—isgivenup,andhereheisagain—charles,imean—asunsettledandasundeterminedasever.whenhewenttothepoorlodging,afterthehollidaysitoldyouhehadtaken,hecouldnotendurethesolitarinessofthem,andihadnorestforthesoleofmyfoottillipromisedtobelievehissolemnprotestationsthathecouldandwouldwriteaswellathomeasthere.doyoubelievethis?

ihavenopowerovercharles:hewilldo—whathewilldo.butioughttohavesomelittleinfluenceovermyself.andthereforeiammostmanfullyresolvingtoturnoveranewleafwithmyownmind.yourvisittous,thoughnotaverycomfortableonetoyourself,hasbeenofgreatusetome.isetyouupinmyfancyasakindofthingthattakesaninterestinmyconcerns;andihearyoutalkingtome,andarguingthematterverylearnedly,whenigivewaytodespondency.youshallhearagoodaccountofme,andtheprogressimakeinalteringmyfretfultempertoacalmandquietone.itisbutbeingoncethorowlyconvincedoneiswrong,tomakeoneresolvetodosonomore;andiknowmydismalfaceshavebeenalmostasgreatadrawbackuponcharles'scomfort,ashisfeverish,teazingwayshavebeenuponmine.ourloveforeachotherhasbeenthetormentofourliveshitherto.iammostseriouslyintendingtobendthewholeforceofmymindtocounteractthis,andithinkiseesomeprospectofess.

ofcharleseverbringinganyworktopassathome,iamverydoubtful;andofthefarceeeding,ihavelittleornohope;butificouldoncegetintothewayofbeingchearfulmyself,ishouldseeaneasyremedyinleavingtownandlivingcheaply,almostwhollyalone;buttillidofindwereallyarecomfortablealone,andbyourselves,itseemsadangerousexperiment.weshallcertainlystaywherewearetillafternextchristmas;andinthemeantime,asitoldyoubefore,allmywholethoughtsshallbetochangemyselfintojustsuchachearfulsoulasyouwouldbeinalonehouse,withnocompanionbutyourbrother,ifyouhadnothingtovexyou—nornomeansofwanderingaftercurse-a-rats.

dowritesoon:thoughiwriteallaboutmyself,iamthinkingallthewhileofyou,andiamuneasyatthelengthoftimeitseemssinceiheardfromyou.yourmother,andmr.white,isrunningcontinuallyinmyhead;andthissecondwintermakesmethinkhowcold,damp,andforlornyoursolitaryhousewillfeeltoyou.iwouldyourfeetwereperchedupagainonourfender.

manningisnotyetgone.mrs.holcroftisbroughttobed.mrs.reynoldshasbeenconfinedathomewithillness,butisrecovering.godblessyou.

yoursaffectionately,

m.lamb.

["norris's"—randalnorris,sub-treasureroftheinnertemple,whosewife,néefaint,camefromwidford,whereshehadknownlamb'sgrandmother,maryfield.

captainburney'swhistparties,inlittlejamesstreet,pimlico,were,asarule,onsaturdays.laterlambestablishedawednesdayparty.

ofmrs.brooksihavenoknowledge;norofhimwhommarylambcalledmr.

curse-a-rat.

"thecapeofgoodhope."thecapeofgoodhope,havingbeentakenbytheenglishin1795fromthedutch,andrestoredtothematthepeaceofamiensin1802,hadjustbeenretakenbytheenglish.

"mrs.holcroftisbroughttobed."thechildwaslouisa,afterwardsmrs.

badams,oneoflamb'scorrespondentslateinlife.]