LETTER135

letter135

charleslambtodorothywordsworth

[slightlytorn.theconjecturesinsquarebracketsaretalfourd's.]

friday,14thjune,1805.

mydearmisswordsworth,yourlongkindletterhasnotbeenthrownaway(forithasgivenmegreatpleasuretofindyouareallresumingyouroldoccupations,andarebetter)butpoormarytowhomitisaddrestcannotyetrelishit.shehasbeenattackedbyoneofhersevereillnesses,andisatpresentfromhome.lastmondayweekwasthedaysheleftme;andihopeimaycalculateuponhavingheragaininamonth,orlittlemore.iamratherafraidlatehourshaveinthiscasecontributedtoherindisposition.butwhenshebeginstodiscoversymptomsofapproachingillness,itisnoteasytosaywhatisbesttodo.beingbyourselvesisbad,andgoingoutisbad.igetsoirritableandwretchedwithfear,thaticonstantlyhastenonthedisorder.youcannotconceivethemiseryofsuchaforesight.iamsurethatfortheweekbeforesheleftme,iwaslittlebetterthanlight-headed.inowamcalm,butsadlytakendown,andflat.ihaveeveryreasontosupposethatthisillness,likeallherformerones,willbebuttemporary;buticannotalwaysfeelso.meantimesheisdeadtome,andimissaprop.allmystrengthisgone,andiamlikea[fool,ber]eftofherco-operation.idarenotthink,lesti[shouldthink]wrong;sousedamitolookuptoher[intheleast]andtheestperplexity.tosayallthat[iknowofher]wouldbemorethanithinkanybodycould[believeorevenunder]stand;andwhenihopetohaveherwell[againwithme]itwouldbesinningagainstherfeelingstogoabouttopraiseher:foricanconcealnothingthatidofromher.sheisolder,andwiser,andbetter,thanme,andallmywretchedimperfectionsicovertomyselfbyresolutelythinkingonhergoodness.shewouldsharelifeanddeath,heavenandhell,withme.shelivesbutforme.andiknowihavebeenwastingandteazingherlifeforfiveyearspastincessantlywithmycurseddrinkingandwaysofgoingon.buteveninthisup-braidingofmyselfiamoffendingagainsther,foriknowthatshehascleavedtomeforbetter,forworse;andifthebalancehasbeenagainstherhitherto,itwasanobletrade.

iamstupidandlosemyselfinwhatiwrite.iwriteratherwhatanswerstomyfeelings(whicharesometimessharpenough)thanexpressmypresentones,foriamonlyflatandstupid.

poormissstoddart!sheiscomingtoenglandunderthenotionofpassinghertimebetweenhermotherandmary,betweenlondonandsalisbury.sinceshetalk'dofcoming,wordhasbeensenttomaltathathermotherisgoneoutofhermind.thisletter,withminetostoddartwithanaccountofallen'sdeath,&c.,hasmiscarried(takenbythefrench)[wordmissing].sheiscominghome,withnosoultoreceive[wordsmissing].shehasnotawoman-friendinlondon.

iamsureyouwillexcusemywriting[anymore,i]amverypoorly.icannotresisttra[nscribing]threeorfourlineswhichpoormarymadeuponapicture(aholyfamily)whichwesawatanauctiononlyoneweekbeforeshelefthome.shewasthenbeginningtoshowsignsofillboding.theyaresweetlines,anduponasweetpicture.butisendthem,onlyasthelastmemorialofher.

virginandchild.l.davinci

maternalladywiththevirgin-grace,

heaven-bornthyjesusseemethsure,

andthouavirginpure.

ladymostperfect,whenthyangelface

menlookupon,theywishtobe

acatholic,madonafair,toworshipthee.

youhadherlinesaboutthe"ladyblanch."youhavenothadsomewhichshewroteuponacopyofagirlfromtitian,whichihadhungupwherethatprintofblanchandtheabbess(asshebeautifullyinterpretedtwofemalefiguresfroml.davinci)hadhung,inourroom.'tislightandpretty.

whoartthou,fairone,whousurp'sttheplace

ofblanch,theladyofthematchlessgrace?

come,fairandpretty,telltome

whointhylifetimethoumightstbe?

thouprettyartandfair,

butwiththeladyblanchthounevermustcompare.

noneedforblanchherhistorytotell,

whoeversawherface,theytheredidreaditwell.

butwhenilookonthee,ionlyknow

thereliv'daprettymaidsomehundredyearsago.

thisisalittleunfair,totellsomuchaboutourselves,andtoadvertsolittletoyourletter,sofullofcomfortabletidingsofyouall.butmyowncarespressprettycloseuponme,andyoucanmakeallowance.thatyoumaygoongatheringstrengthandpeaceisthenextwishtomary'srecovery.

ihadalmostforgotyourrepeatedinvitation.supposingthatmarywillbewellandable,thereisanotherabilitywhichyoumayguessat,whichicannotpromisemyself.inprudenceweoughtnottocome.thisillnesswillmakeitstillmoreprudentialtowait.itisnotabalanceofthiswayofspendingourmoneyagainstanotherway,butanabsolutequestionofwhetherweshallstopnow,orgoonwastingawaythelittlewehavegotbeforehand,whichmywiseconducthasalreadyincroach'dupononehalf.mybestlove,however,toyouall;andtothatmostfriendlycreature,mrs.clarkson,andbetterhealthtoher,whenyouseeorwritetoher.

c.lamb.

[thereferencetomissstoddartisexplainedlater,inthenextletterbutone.

marylamb'stwopoemswereincludedintheworks,1818."ladyblanch"isthepoem"edonpage300.]