LETTER80

letter80

charleslambtothomasmanning

december27th,1800.

atlengthgeorgedyer'sphrenesishascometoacrisis;heisragingandfuriouslymad.iwaitedupontheheathen,thursdaywasase'nnight;thefirstsymptomwhichstruckmyeyeandgavemeincontrovertibleproofofthefataltruthwasapairofnankeenpantaloonsfourtimestoobigforhim,whichthesaidheathendidpertinaciouslyaffirmtobenew.

theywereabsolutelyingrainedwiththeaccumulateddirtofages;butheaffirmedthemtobeclean.hewasgoingtovisitaladythatwasniceaboutthosethings,andthat'sthereasonheworenankeenthatday.andthenhedanced,andcapered,andfidgeted,andpulleduphispantaloons,andedhisintolerableflannelvestmentcloserabouthispoeticloins;anonhegaveitloosetothezephyrswhichplentifullyinsinuatetheirtinybodiesthrougheverycrevice,door,windoworwainscot,expresslyformedfortheexclusionofsuchimpertinents.thenhecaughtataproofsheet,andcatchedupalaundress'sbillinstead—madeadartatblomfield'spoems,andthrewtheminagonyaside.icouldnotbringhimtoonedirectreply;hecouldnotmaintainhisjumpingmindinarightlineforthetitheofamomentbyclifford'sinnclock.hemustgototheprinter'simmediately—themostunluckyaccident—hehadstruckofffivehundredimpressionsofhispoems,whichwerereadyfordeliverytosubscribers,andtheprefacemustallbeexpunged.therewereeightypagesofpreface,andnottillthatmorninghadhediscoveredthatintheveryfirstpageofsaidprefacehehadsetoutwithaprincipleofcriticismfundamentally-wrong,whichvitiatedallhisfollowingreasoning.theprefacemustbeexpunged,althoughitcosthim£30—thelowestcalculation,takinginpaperandprinting!invainhavehisrealfriendsremonstratedagainstthismidsummermadness.georgeisasobstinateasaprimitivechristian—andwardsandparriesoffallourthrustswithoneunanswerablefence;—"sir,it'sofgreatconsequencethattheworldisnotmisled!"

asfortheotherprofessor,hehasactuallybeguntodiveintotavernierandchardin'spersiantravelsforastory,toformanewdramaforthesweettoothofthisfastidiousage.hathnotbethlehemcollegeafairactionfornon-residenceagainstsuchprofessors?arepoetssofewinthisage,thathemustwritepoetry?ismoralsasubjectsoexhausted,thathemustquitthatline?isthemetaphysicwell(withoutabottom)draineddry?

ificanguessatthewickedprideoftheprofessor'sheart,iwouldtakeashrewdwagerthathedisdainseveragaintodiphispeninprose.adieu,yesplendidtheories!farewell,dreamsofpoliticaljustice!lawsuits,whereiwascounselforarchbishopfenelonversusmyownmother,inthefamousfirecause!

vanishfrommymind,professors,oneandall!ihavemetalmoreattractiveonfoot.

manofmanysnipes,iwillsupwiththee,deovolenteetdiabolonolente,onmondaynightthe5thofjanuary,inthenewyear,andcrushacuptotheinfantcentury.

awordortwoofmyprogress.embarkatsixo'clockinthemorning,withafreshgale,onacambridgeone-decker;verycoldtilleightatnight;landatst.mary'slight-house,muffinsandcoffeeupontable(oranyothercuriousproductionofturkeyorbothindies),snipesexactlyatnine,punchtocommenceatten,withargument;differenceofopinionisexpectedtotakeplaceabouteleven;perfectunanimity,withsomehazinessanddimness,beforetwelve.—n.b.mysingleaffectionisnotsosinglyweddedtosnipes;butthecuriousandepicureaneyewouldalsotakeapleasureinbeholdingadelicateandwell-chosenassortmentofteals,ortolans,theunctuousandpalate-soothingfleshofgeesewildandtame,nightingales'brains,thesensoriumofayoungsucking-pig,oranyotherchristmasdish,whichileavetothejudgmentofyouandthecookofgonville.c.lamb.

[lamb'scopyofgeorgedyer'spoemsisinthebritishmuseum.ithastheoriginalwithdrawn1800title-pageandthecancelledprefaceboundupwithit,andlambhaswrittenagainstthereferencetothesacrifice,inthenew1801preface:"onecopyofthiscancelledpreface,snatch'doutofthefire,isprefacedtothisvolume."seeletter93,page234.itrunstosixty-fivepages,whereasthenewoneisbutafewwords.southeytellsgrosvenorbedfordinoneofhislettersthatlambgavedyerthetitleofcancellariusmagnus.dyerreprintedinthe1802editionofhispoemsthegreaterpartofthecancelledprefaceandallofthefirstpage—sothatitisdifficulttosaywhatthefallacywas.theoriginaleditionofhispoems,wastobeinthreelargevolumes.in1802ithadcomedowntotwosmallones.

godwin'spersiandramawas"abbas,kingofpersia,"buthecouldnotgetitacted.thereferencetofénélonistogodwin'spoliticaljustice(firstedition,vol.i.,page84)wherehearguesonthecomparativeworthofthepersonsoffénélon,achambermaid,andgodwin'smother,supposingthemtohavebeenpresentatthefamousfireatcambraiandonlyoneofthemtobesaved.(asamatteroffactfénélonwasnotatthefire.)

wemustsupposethatlambcarriedouthisintentionofvisitingmanningonjanuary5;butthereisnoconfirmation.]