LETTER75

letter75

charleslambtothomasmanning

[p.m.dec.13,1800.]

don'tspillthecreamuponthisletter.

ihavereceivedyourletterthismoment,nothavingbeenattheoffice.ihavejusttimetoscribbledowntheepilogue.toyourepistleiwilljustreply,thatiwillcertainlycometocambridgebeforejanuaryisout:i'llcomewhenican.youshallhaveanamendedcopyofmyplayearlynextweek.marythanksyou;butherhandwritingistoofemininetobeexposedtoacambridgegentleman,thoughiendeavourtopersuadeherthatyouunderstandalgebra,andmustunderstandherhand.theplayistheman'syouwotof;butforgod'ssake(whowouldnotliketohavesopiousaprofessor'sworkdamn'd)donotmentionit—itistocomeoutinafeignedname,asonetobin's.iwillomittheintroductorylineswhichconnectitwiththeplay,andgiveyoutheconcludingtale,whichisthemassandbulkoftheepilogue.thenameisjackincident.itisaboutpromise-breaking—youwillseeitall,ifyoureadthepapers.

jack,ofdramaticgeniusjustlyvain,

purchasedarenter'sshareatdrury-lane;

aprudentmanineveryothermatter,

knownathisclub-roomforanhonesthatter;

humaneandcourteous,ledacivillife,

andhasbeenseldomknowntobeathiswife;

butjackisnowgrownquiteanotherman,

frequentsthegreen-room,knowstheplotandplan

ofeachnewpiece,

andhasbeenseentotalkwithsheridan!

inattheplay-housejustatsixhepops,

andneverquitsittillthecurtaindrops,

isneverabsentontheauthor'snight,

knowsactressesandactorstoo—bysight;

sohumble,thatwithsuetthe'llconfer,

ortakeapipewithplainjackbannister;

nay,withanauthorhasbeenknownsofree,

heonceestedacatastrophe—

inshort,johndabbledtillhisheadwasturn'd;

hiswiferemonstrated,hisneighboursmourn'd,

hiscustomersweredroppingoffapace,

andjack'saffairsbegantowearapiteousface.

onenighthiswifebeganacurtainlecture;

"mydearestjohnny,husband,spouse,protector,

takepityonyourhelplessbabesandme,

saveusfromruin,youfrombankruptcy—

looktoyourbusiness,leavethesecursedplays,

andtryagainyouroldindustriousways."

jackwhowasalwaysscaredatthegazette,

andhadsomebitsofskulluninjuredyet,

promisedamendment,vow'dhiswifespakereason,

"hewouldnotseeanotherplaythatseason—"

threestubbornfortnightsjackhispromisekept,

waslateandearlyinhisshop,eat,slept,

andwalk'dandtalk'd,likeordinarymen;

nowit,butjohnthehatteronceagain—

visitshisclub:whenlo!onefatalnight

hiswifewithhorrorview'dthewell-knownsight—

john'shat,wig,snuff-box—wellsheknewhistricks—

andjackdecampingatthehourofsix,

justatthecounter'sedgeaplaybilllay,

announcingthat"pizarro"wastheplay—

"ojohnny,johnny,thisisyourolddoing."

"hjack,"whywhatthedevilstorm'sa-brewing?

aboutaharmlessplaywhyallthisfright?