第33章梦开始的地方(13)

第33章梦开始的地方(13)

thenext6yearswereanendurancerunforbothofus.istudiedwithatutortwiceaweekuntilicouldhaltinglyreadmylessons.eachnight，mymomandisatatmylittledeskandrehearsedthatday’sschoolworkforatleast2hours，sometimesuntilmidnight.wedrilledfortestsuntilmyheadpoundedandtheprintblurredbeforemyeyes.atleasttwiceaweek，iwantedtoquit.ihadthestrengthofakitten，butmymom’scourageneverwavered.

she’driseearlytoprayovermyschoolday.1000timesiheardhersay，“lord，openpeter’smindtoday.helphimrememberthethingswestudied.”hervisionreachedbeyondthe3r’s.twiceiwonatstatewidespeechcompetitions.iparticipatedinschoolprogrammesandearnedalicensetoworkasanannounceronalocalradiostation.

thenmymotherdevelopedchronicmigrainesduringmysenioryear.sheblamedtheheadachesonstress.somedaystheintensepainkeptherinbed.stillshe’dcometomyroomintheevening，wearingherrobe，anicepackinherhand，tostudywithme.

welaughedandcriedwhenipassedmyseniorfinals.twodaysbeforegraduationitalkedtomymotherandfatheraboutbiblecollege.iwantedtogo，butiwasafraid.

momsaid，“applyatthebibleinstituteinourtown.youcanliveathome，andi’llhelpyou.”

iputmyarmsaroundherandedherclose，abaseball-sizedlumpinmythroat.

aweekaftergraduation，mymomfeltastabbingpaininherhead.shebecamedisorientedforjustamoment，butseemedtobeallright.itwasanothermigraine，shethought，soshewenttobed.thatnightdadtriedtowakeher.shewasunconscious.

afewhourslater，awhite-coateddoctortoldusmomhadananeurysmthathadburst.amassivehemorrhageleftusnohope.shedied2dayslater.

mygriefalmostdrownedme.forweeksiwalkedthefloorallnight，sometimesweeping，sometimesstaringatnothing.didihaveafuturewithoutmymother？shewasmyeyes，myunderstanding，mylife.shouldistillenrollinbibleschool？thethoughtofgoingonalonefilledmewithterror.but，deepinside，iknewihadtomoveontothenextstep，forher.

whenibroughthomethefirstterm’sbooksandcourseoutlines，isatinthechairatmylittledesk.withtremblingfingers，iopenedmyhistorybookandbegantoreadthefirstchapter.suddenly，ilookedoveratthechairsheusedtositin.itwasempty，butmyheartwasfull.

mom’sprayersstillfollowedme.icouldfeelherpresence.icouldsenseherfaith.

inmygraduationtestimonyisaid，“manypeoplehadapartinmakingbiblecollegeaessforme.thepersonwhohelpedmemostiswatchingfromheaventonight.toherisay，‘thankyou，mom，forhavingfaithingodandfaithinme.youwillalwaysbewithme.’”

我跟着母亲走进医生办公室，一屁股坐到母亲旁边的一把软椅子上，感觉口干舌燥。医生没有戴听诊器，他的房间里满是小装置和小玩意儿，那是用来分析成绩不好的学生是否具有学习障碍的。那天，他给我作了全面检查。

医生不紧不慢地翻看着病历，然后用食指推了推金丝边的眼镜，说：“我很遗憾地告诉你，杜夫人，彼得患的是阅读障碍，比较严重。”

我局促不安，几乎要窒息了，并努力使自己的心情平静下来。医生接着说：“他顶多能读到四年级，既然无法上高中，我建议你还是让他去上职业学校吧，那样，他还能学到一些手艺。”

我不要去职校，我还要像爸爸一样当牧师呢。我热泪盈眶，却强忍住了，我12岁了，已经是大孩子了，不能再哭了。