Chapter120

philipsleptlikealogandawokewithastarttofindharoldticklinghisfacewithafeather.therewasashoutofdelightwhenheopenedhiseyes.hewasdrunkenwithsleep.

“comeon,lazybones,”saidjane.“sallysaysshewon’twaitforyouunlessyouhurryup.”  thenherememberedwhathadhappened.hisheartsank,and,halfoutofbedalready,hestopped;hedidnotknowhowhewasgoingtofaceher;hewasoverwhelmedwithasuddenrushofself-reproach,andbitterly,bitterly,heregrettedwhathehaddone.whatwouldshesaytohimthatmorning?hedreadedmeetingher,andheaskedhimselfhowhecouldhavebeensuchafool.butthechildrengavehimnotime;edwardtookhisbathing-drawersandhistowel,athelstantorethebed-clothesaway;andinthreeminutestheyallclattereddownintotheroad.sallygavehimasmile.itwasassweetandinnocentasithadeverbeen.

“youdotakeatimetodressyourself,”shesaid.“ithoughtyouwasnevercoming.”

therewasnotaparticleofdifferenceinhermanner.hehadexpectedsomechange,subtleorabrupt;hefanciedthattherewouldbeshameinthewayshetreatedhim,oranger,orperhapssomeincreaseoffamiliarity;buttherewasnothing.shewasexactlythesameasbefore.theywalkedtowardstheseaalltogether,talkingandlaughing;andsallywasquiet,butshewasalwaysthat,reserved,buthehadneverseenherotherwise,andgentle.sheneithersoughtconversationwithhimnoravoidedit.philipwasastounded.hehadexpectedtheincidentofthenightbeforetohavecausedsomerevolutioninher,butitwasjustasthoughnothinghadhappened;itmighthavebeenadream;andashewalkedalong,alittlegirlholdingontoonehandandalittleboytotheother,whilehechattedasunconcernedlyashecould,hesoughtforanexplanation.hewonderedwhethersallymeanttheaffairtobeforgotten.perhapshersenseshadrunawaywithherjustashishad,and,treatingwhathadoccurredasanaccidentduetounusualcircumstances,itmightbethatshehaddecidedtoputthematteroutofhermind.itwasascribingtoherapowerofthoughtandamaturewisdomwhichfittedneitherwithheragenorwithhercharacter.butherealisedthatheknewnothingofher.therehadbeeninheralwayssomethingenigmatic.

theyplayedleap-froginthewater,andthebathewasasuproariousasonthepreviousday.sallymotheredthemall,keepingawatchfuleyeonthem,andcallingtothemwhentheywentouttoofar.sheswamstaidlybackwardsandforwardswhiletheothersgotuptotheirlarks,andnowandthenturnedonherbacktofloat.presentlyshewentoutandbegandryingherself;shecalledtotheothersmoreorlessperemptorily,andatlastonlyphilipwasleftinthewater.hetooktheopportunitytohaveagoodhardswim.hewasmoreusedtothecoldwaterthissecondmorning,andherevelledinitssaltfreshness;itrejoicedhimtousehislimbsfreely,andhecoveredthewaterwithlong,firmstrokes.butsally,withatowelroundher,wentdowntothewater’sedge.

“you’retocomeoutthisminute,philip,”shecalled,asthoughhewereasmallboyunderhercharge.

andwhen,smilingwithamusementatherauthoritativeway,hecametowardsher,sheupbraidedhim.

“itisnaughtyofyoutostayinsolong.yourlipsarequiteblue,andjustlookatyourteeth,they’rechattering.”

“allright.i’llcomeout.”

shehadnevertalkedtohiminthatmannerbefore.itwasasthoughwhathadhappenedgaveherasortofrightoverhim,andshelookeduponhimasachildtobecaredfor.inafewminutestheyweredressed,andtheystartedtowalkback.sallynoticedhishands.

“justlook,they’requiteblue.”

“oh,that’sallright.it’sonlythecirculation.ishallgetthebloodbackinaminute.”

“givethemtome.”

shetookhishandsinhersandrubbedthem,firstoneandthentheother,tillthecolourreturned.philip,touchedandpuzzled,watchedher.hecouldnotsayanythingtoheronaccountofthechildren,andhedidnotmeethereyes;buthewassuretheydidnotavoid

hispurposely,itjusthappenedthattheydidnotmeet.andduringthedaytherewasnothinginherbehaviourtoestaconsciousnessinherthatanythinghadpassedbetweenthem.perhapsshewasalittlemoretalkativethanusual.whentheywereallsittingagaininthehop-fieldshetoldhermotherhownaughtyphiliphadbeeninnotcomingoutofthewatertillhewasbluewithcold.itwasincredible,andyetitseemedthattheonlyeffectoftheincidentofthenightbeforewastoarouseinherafeelingofprotectiontowardshim:shehadthesameinstinctivedesiretomotherhimasshehadwithregardtoherbrothersandsisters.

itwasnottilltheeveningthathefoundhimselfalonewithher.shewascookingthesupper,andphilipwassittingonthegrassbythesideofthefire.mrs.athelnyhadgonedowntothevillagetodosomeshopping,andthechildrenwerescatteredinvariouspursuitsoftheirown.philiphesitatedtospeak.hewasverynervous.sallyattendedtoherbusinesswithserenecompetenceandsheacceptedplacidlythesilencewhichtohimwassoembarrassing.hedidnotknowhowtobegin.sallyseldomspokeunlessshewasspokentoorhadsomethingparticulartosay.atlasthecouldnotbearitanylonger.

“you’renotangrywithme,sally?”heblurtedoutsuddenly.

sheraisedhereyesquietlyandlookedathimwithoutemotion.

“me?no.whyshouldibe?”

hewastakenabackanddidnotreply.shetookthelidoffthepot,stirredthecontents,andputitonagain.asavourysmellspreadovertheair.shelookedathimoncemore,withaquietsmilewhichbarelyseparatedherlips;itwasmoreasmileoftheeyes.

“ialwayslikedyou,”shesaid.

hisheartgaveagreatthumpagainsthisribs,andhefeltthebloodrushingtohischeeks.heforcedafaintlaugh.

“ididn’tknowthat.”

“that’sbecauseyou’reasilly.”

“idon’tknowwhyyoulikedme.”

“idon’teither.”sheputalittlemorewoodonthefire.“iknewilikedyouthatdayyoucamewhenyou’dbeensleepingoutandhadn’thadanythingtoeat,d’youremember?andmeandmother,wegotthorpy’sbedreadyforyou.”

heflushedagain,forhedidnotknowthatshewasawareofthatincident.herememberedithimselfwithhorrorandshame.

“that’swhyiwouldn’thaveanythingtodowiththeothers.yourememberthatyoungfellowmotherwantedmetohave?ilethimcometoteabecausehebotheredso,butiknewi’dsayno.”

philipwassosurprisedthathefoundnothingtosay.therewasaqueerfeelinginhisheart;hedidnotknowwhatitwas,unlessitwashappiness.sallystirredthepotoncemore.

“iwishthosechildrenwouldmakehasteandcome.idon’tknowwherethey’vegotto.supper’sreadynow.”

“shalligoandseeificanfindthem?”saidphilip.

itwasarelieftotalkaboutpracticalthings.

“well,itwouldn’tbeabadidea,imustsaythere’smothercoming.”

then,ashegotup,shelookedathimwithoutembarrassment.

“shallicomeforawalkwithyoutonightwheni’veputthechildrentobed?”

“yes.”

“well,youwaitformedownbythestile,andi’llcomewheni’mready.”

hewaitedunderthestars,sittingonthestile,andthehedgeswiththeirripeningblackberrieswerehighoneachsideofhim.fromtheearthroserichscentsofthenight,andtheairwassoftandstill.hisheartwasbeatingmadly.hecouldnotunderstandanythingofwhathappenedtohim.heassociatedpassionwithcriesandtearsandvehemence,andtherewasnothingofthisinsally;buthedidnotknowwhatelsebutpassioncouldhavecausedhertogiveherself.butpassionforhim?hewouldnothavebeensurprisedifshehadfallentohercousin,petergann,tall,spare,andstraight,withhissunburnedfaceandlong,easystride.philipwonderedwhatshesawinhim.hedidnotknowifshelovedhimashereckonedlove.andyet?hewasconvincedofherpurity.hehadavagueinklingthatmanythingshadcombined,thingsthatshefeltthoughwasunconsciousof,theintoxicationoftheairandthehopsandthenight,thehealthyinstinctsofthenaturalwoman,atendernessthatoverflowed,andanaffectionthathadinitsomethingmaternalandsomethingsisterly;andshegaveallshehadtogivebecauseherheartwasfullofcharity.

heheardastepontheroad,andafigurecameoutofthedarkness.

“sally,”hemurmured.

shestoppedandcametothestile,andwithhercamesweet,cleanodoursofthecountry-side.sheseemedtocarrywithherscentsofthenew-mownhay,andthesavourofripehops,andthefreshnessofyounggrass.herlipsweresoftandfullagainsthis,andherlovely,strongbodywasfirmwithinhisarms.

“milkandhoney,”hesaid.“you’relikemilkandhoney.”

hemadeherclosehereyesandkissedhereyelids,firstoneandthentheother.herarm,strongandmuscular,wasbaretotheelbow;hepassedhishandoveritandwonderedatitsbeauty;itgleamedinthedarkness;shehadtheskinthatrubenspainted,astonishinglyfairandtransparent,andononesidewerelittlegoldenhairs.itwasthearmofasaxongoddess;butnoimmortalhadthatexquisite,homelynaturalness;andphilipthoughtofacottagegardenwiththedearflowerswhichbloominallmen’shearts,ofthehollyhockandtheredandwhiterosewhichiscalledyorkandlancaster,andoflove—in-a-mistandsweetwilliam,andhoneysuckle,larkspur,andlondonpride.

“howcanyoucareforme?”hesaid.“i’minsignificantandcrippledandordinaryandugly.”

shetookhisfaceinbothherhandsandkissedhislips.

“you’reanoldsilly,that’swhatyouare,”shesaid.