Chapter80

forthenextthreemonthsphilipworkedonsubjectswhichwerenewtohim.theunwieldycrowdwhichhadenteredthemedicalschoolnearlytwoyearsbeforehadthinnedout:somehadleftthehospital,findingtheexaminationsmoredifficulttopassthantheyexpected,somehadbeentakenawaybyparentswhohadnotforeseentheexpenseoflifeinlondon,andsomehaddriftedawaytoothercallings.oneyouthwhomphilipknewhaddevisedaningeniousplantomakemoney;hehadboughtthingsatsalesandpawnedthem,butpresentlyfounditmoreprofitabletopawngoodsboughtoncredit;andithadcausedalittleexcitementatthehospitalwhensomeonepointedouthisnameinpolice-courtproceedings.therehadbeenaremand,thenassurancesonthepartofaharassedfather,andtheyoungmanhadgoneouttobearthewhiteman’sburdenoverseas.theimaginationofanother,aladwhohadneverbeforebeeninatownatall,felltotheglamourofmusic-hallsandbarparlours;hespenthistimeamongracing-men,tipsters,andtrainers,andnowwasbecomeabook-maker’sclerk.philiphadseenhimonceinabarnearadillycircusinatight-waistedcoatandabrownhatwithabroad,flatbrim.athird,withagiftforsingingandmimicry,whohadachievedessatthesmokingconcertsofthemedicalschoolbyhisimitationofnotoriouscomedians,hadabandonedthehospitalforthechorusofamusicalcomedy.stillanother,andheinterestedphilipbecausehisuncouthmannerandinterjectionalspeechdidnotestthathewascapableofanydeepemotion,hadfelthimselfstifleamongthehousesoflondon.hegrewardinshut-inspaces,andthesoulheknewnothepossessedledlikeasparrowheldinthehand,withlittlefrightenedgaspsandaquickpalpitationoftheheart:heyearnedforthebroadskiesandtheopen,desolateplacesamongwhichhischildhoodhadbeenspent;andhewalkedoffoneday,withoutawordtoanybody,betweenonelectureandanother;andthenextthinghisfriendsheardwasthathehadthrownupmedicineandwasworkingonafarm.

philipattendednowlecturesonmedicineandonsurgery.oncertainmorningsintheweekhepractisedbandagingonout-patientsgladtoearnalittlemoney,andhewastaughtauscultationandhowtousethestethoscope.helearneddispensing.hewastakingtheexaminationinmateriamedicainjuly,anditamusedhimtoplaywithvariousdrugs,concoctingmixtures,rollingpills,andmakingointments.heseizedavidlyuponanythingfromwhichhecouldextractaestionofhumaninterest.

hesawgriffithsonceinthedistance,but,nottohavethepainofcuttinghimdead,avoidedhim.philiphadfeltacertainself-consciousnesswithgriffiths’friends,someofwhomwerenowfriendsofhis,whenherealisedtheyknewofhisquarrelwithgriffithsandsurmisedtheywereawareofthereason.oneofthem,averytallfellow,withasmallheadandalanguidair,ayouthcalledramsden,whowasoneofgriffiths’mostfaithfuladmirers,copiedhisties,hisboots,hismanneroftalkingandhisgestures,toldphilipthatgriffithswasverymuchhurtbecausephiliphadnotansweredhisletter.hewantedtobereconciledwithhim.

“hasheaskedyoutogivemethemessage?”askedphilip.

“oh,no.i’msayingthisentirelyonmyown,”saidramsden.“he’sawfullysorryforwhathedid,andhesaysyoualwaysbehavedlikeaperfectbricktohim.iknowhe’dbegladtomakeitup.hedoesn’tcometothehospitalbecausehe’safraidofmeetingyou,andhethinksyou’dcuthim.”  “ishould.”

“itmakeshimfeelratherwretched,youknow.”

“icanbearthetriflinginconveniencethathefeelswithagooddealoffortitude,”saidphilip.

“he’lldoanythinghecantomakeitup.”

“howchildishandhysterical!whyshouldhecare?i’maveryinsignificantperson,andhecandoverywellwithoutmycompany.i’mnotinterestedinhimanymore.”

ramsdenthoughtphiliphardandcold.hepausedforamomentortwo,lookingabouthiminaperplexedway.

“harrywishestogodhe’dneverhadanythingtodowiththewoman.”

“doeshe?”askedphilip.

hespokewithanindifferencewhichhewassatisfiedwith.noonecouldhaveguessedhowviolentlyhisheartwasbeating.hewaitedimpatientlyforramsdentogoon.

“isupposeyou’vequitegotoveritnow,haven’tyou?”

“i?”saidphilip.“quite.”

littlebylittlehediscoveredthehistoryofmildred’srelationswithgriffiths.helistenedwithasmileonhislips,feigninganequanimitywhichquitedeceivedthedull-wittedboywhotalkedtohim.theweek-endshespentwithgriffithsatoxfordinflamedratherthanextinguishedhersuddenpassion;andwhengriffithswenthome,withafeelingthatwasunexpectedinhershedeterminedtostayinoxfordbyherselfforacoupleofdays,becauseshehadbeensohappyinit.shefeltthatnothingcouldinducehertogobacktophilip.herevoltedher.griffithswastakenabackatthefirehehadaroused,forhehadfoundhistwodayswithherinthecountrysomewhattedious;andhehadnodesiretoturnanamusingepisodeintoatiresomeaffair.shemadehimpromisetowritetoher,and,beinganhonest,decentfellow,withnaturalpolitenessandadesiretomakehimselfpleasanttoeverybody,whenhegothomehewroteheralongandcharmingletter.sheanswereditwithreamsofpassion,clumsy,forshehadnogiftofexpression,ill-written,andvulgar;theletterboredhim,andwhenitwasfollowednextdaybyanother,andthedayafterbyathird,hebegantothinkherlovenolongerflatteringbutalarming.hedidnotanswer;andshebombardedhimwithtelegrams,askinghimifhewereillandhadreceivedherletters;shesaidhissilencemadeherdreadfullyanxious.hewasforcedtowrite,buthesoughttomakehisreplyascasualaswaspossiblewithoutbeingoffensive:heedhernottowire,sinceitwasdifficulttoexplaintelegramstohismother,anold-fashionedpersonforwhomatelegramwasstillaneventtoexcitetremor.sheansweredbyreturnofpostthatshemustseehimandannouncedherintentiontopawnthings(shehadthedressing-casewhichphiliphadgivenherasawedding-presentandcouldraiseeightpoundsonthat)inordertocomeupandstayatthemarkettownfourmilesfromwhichwasthevillageinwhichhisfatherpractised.thisfrightenedgriffiths;andhe,thistime,madeuseofthetelegraphwirestotellherthatshemustdonothingofthekind.hepromisedtoletherknowthemomenthecameuptolondon,and,whenhedid,foundthatshehadalreadybeenaskingforhimatthehospitalatwhichhehadanappointment.hedidnotlikethis,and,onseeingher,toldmildredthatshewasnottocomethereonanypretext;andnow,afteranabsenceofthreeweeks,hefoundthatsheboredhimquitedecidedly;hewonderedwhyhehadevertroubledabouther,andmadeuphismindtobreakwithherassoonashecould.hewasapersonwhodreadedquarrels,nordidhewanttogivepain;butatthesametimehehadotherthingstodo,andhewasquitedeterminednottoletmildredbotherhim.whenhemetherhewaspleasant,cheerful,amusing,affectionate;heinventedconvincingexcusesfortheintervalsincelasthehadseenher;buthedideverythinghecouldtoavoidher.whensheforcedhimtomakeappointmentshesenttelegramstoheratthelastmomenttoputhimselfoff;andhislandlady(thefirstthreemonthsofhisappointmenthewasspendinginrooms)hadorderstosayhewasoutwhenmildredcalled.shewouldwaylayhiminthestreetand,knowingshehadbeenwaitingaboutforhimtocomeoutofthehospitalforacoupleofhours,hewouldgiveherafewcharming,friendlywordsandboltoffwiththeexcusethathehadabusinessengagement.hegrewveryskilfulinslippingoutofthehospitalunseen.once,whenhewentbacktohislodgingsatmidnight,hesawawomanstandingatthearearailingsandsuspectingwhoitwaswenttobegashake-downinramsden’srooms;nextdaythelandladytoldhimthatmildredhadsatcryingonthedoorstepsforhours,andshehadbeenobligedtotellheratlastthatifshedidnotgoawayshewouldsendforapoliceman.

“itellyou,myboy,”saidramsden,“you’rejollywelloutofit.harrysaysthatifhe’dsuspectedforhalfasecondshewasgoingtomakesuchabloomingnuisanceofherselfhe’dhaveseenhimselfdamnedbeforehehadanythingtodowithher.”

philipthoughtofhersittingonthatdoorstepthroughthelonghoursofthenight.hesawherfaceasshelookedupdullyatthelandladywhosentheraway.

“iwonderwhatshe’sdoingnow.”

“oh,she’sgotajobsomewhere,thankgod.thatkeepsherbusyallday.”

thelastthingheheard,justbeforetheendofthesummersession,wasthatgriffiths,urbanityhadgivenwayatlengthundertheexasperationoftheconstantpersecution.hehadtoldmildredthathewassickofbeingpestered,andshehadbettertakeherselfoffandnotbotherhimagain.

“itwastheonlythinghecoulddo,”saidramsden.“itwasgettingabittoothick.”

“isitalloverthen?”askedphilip.

“oh,hehasn’tseenherfortendays.youknow,harry’swonderfulatdroppingpeople.thisisaboutthetoughestnuthe’severhadtocrack,buthe’scrackeditallright.”

thenphilipheardnothingmoreofheratall.shevanishedintothevastanonymousmassofthepopulationoflondon.