Chapter66

philipworkedwellandeasily;hehadagooddealtodo,sincehewastakinginjulythethreepartsofthefirstconjointexamination,twoofwhichhehadfailedinbefore;buthefoundlifepleasant.hemadeanewfriend.lawson,onthelookoutformodels,haddiscoveredagirlwhowasunderstudyingatoneofthetheatres,andinordertoinducehertosittohimarrangedalittleluncheon-partyonesunday.shebroughtachaperonwithher;andtoherphilip,askedtomakeafourth,wasinstructedtoconfinehisattentions.hefoundthiseasy,sincesheturnedouttobeanagreeablechatterboxwithanamusingtongue.sheaskedphiliptogoandseeher;shehadroomsinvincentsquare,andwasalwaysintoteaatfiveo’clock;hewent,wasdelightedwithhiswelcome,andwentagain.mrs.nesbitwasnotmorethantwenty-five,verysmall,withapleasant,uglyface;shehadverybrighteyes,highcheekbones,andalargemouth:theexcessivecontrastsofhercolouringremindedoneofaportraitbyoneofthemodernfrenchpainters;herskinwasverywhite,hercheekswereveryred,herthickeyebrows,herhair,wereveryblack.theeffectwasodd,alittleunnatural,butfarfromunpleasing.shewasseparatedfromherhusbandandearnedherlivingandherchild’sbywritingpennynovelettes.therewereoneortwopublisherswhomadeaspecialtyofthatsortofthing,andshehadasmuchworkasshecoulddo.itwasill-paid,shereceivedfifteenpoundsforastoryofthirtythousandwords;butshewassatisfied.

“afterall,itonlycoststhereadertwopence,”shesaid,“andtheylikethesamethingoverandoveragain.ijustchangethenamesandthat’sall.wheni’mboredithinkofthewashingandtherentandclothesforbaby,andigoonagain.”  besides,shewalkedonatvarioustheatreswheretheywantedsupersandearnedbythiswheninworkfromsixteenshillingstoaguineaaweek.attheendofherdayshewassotiredthatshesleptlikeatop.shemadethebestofherdifficultlot.herkeensenseofhumourenabledhertogetamusementoutofeveryvexatiouscircumstance.sometimesthingswentwrong,andshefoundherselfwithnomoneyatall;thenhertriflingpossessionsfoundtheirwaytoapawnshopinthevauxhallbridgeroad,andsheatebreadandbuttertillthingsgrewbrighter.sheneverlosthercheerfulness.

philipwasinterestedinhershiftlesslife,andshemadehimlaughwiththefantasticnarrationofherles.heaskedherwhyshedidnottryherhandatliteraryworkofabettersort,butsheknewthatshehadnotalent,andtheabominablestuffsheturnedoutbythethousandwordswasnotonlytolerablypaid,butwasthebestshecoulddo.shehadnothingtolookforwardtobutacontinuationofthelifesheled.sheseemedtohavenorelations,andherfriendswereaspoorasherself.

“idon’tthinkofthefuture,”shesaid.“aslongasihaveenoughmoneyforthreeweeks’rentandapoundortwooverforfoodineverbother.lifewouldn’tbeworthlivingifiworriedoverthefutureaswellasthepresent.whenthingsareattheirworstifindsomethingalwayshappens.”

soonphilipgrewinthehabitofgoingintoteawithhereveryday,andsothathisvisitsmightnotembarrassherhetookinacakeorapoundofbutterorsometea.theystartedtocalloneanotherbytheirchristiannames.femininesympathywasnewtohim,andhedelightedinsomeonewhogaveawillingeartoallhistroubles.thehourswentquickly.hedidnothidehisadmirationforher.shewasadelightfulcompanion.hecouldnothelpcomparingherwithmildred;andhecontrastedwiththeone’sobstinatestupidity,whichrefusedinteresttoeverythingshedidnotknow,theother’squickappreciationandreadyintelligence.hisheartsankwhenhethoughtthathemighthavebeentiedforlifetosuchawomanasmildred.oneeveninghetoldnorahthewholestoryofhislove.itwasnotonetogivehimmuchreasonforself-esteem,anditwasverypleasanttoreceivesuchcharmingsympathy.

“ithinkyou’rewelloutofit,”shesaid,whenhehad

finished.

shehadafunnywayattimesofholdingherheadononesidelikeanaberdeenpuppy.shewassittinginanuprightchair,sewing,forshehadnotimetodonothing,andphiliphadmadehimselfcomfortableatherfeet.

“ican’ttellyouhowheartilythankfuliamit’sallover,”hesighed.

“poorthing,youmusthavehadarottentime,”shemurmured,andbywayofshowinghersympathyputherhandonhisshoulder.

hetookitandkissedit,butshewithdrewitquickly.

“whydidyoudothat?”sheasked,withablush.

“haveyouanyobjection?”

shelookedathimforamomentwithtwinklingeyes,andshesmiled.

“no,”shesaid.

hegotuponhiskneesandfacedher.shelookedintohiseyessteadily,andherlargemouthtrembledwithasmile.

“well?”shesaid.

“youknow,youarearipper.i’msogratefultoyouforbeingnicetome.ilikeyousomuch.”

“don’tbeidiotic,”shesaid.

philiptookholdofherelbowsanddrewhertowardshim.shemadenoresistance,butbentforwardalittle,andhekissedherredlips.

“whydidyoudothat?”sheaskedagain.

“becauseit’scomfortable.”

shedidnotanswer,butatenderlookcameintohereyes,andshepassedherhandsoftlyoverhishair.

“youknow,it’sawfullysillyofyoutobehavelikethis.weweresuchgoodfriends.itwouldbesojollytoleaveitatthat.”

“ifyoureallywanttoappealtomybetternature,”repliedphilip,“you’lldowellnottostrokemycheekwhileyou’redoingit.”

shegavealittlechuckle,butshedidnotstop.

“it’sverywrongofme,isn’tit?”shesaid.

philip,surprisedandalittleamused,lookedintohereyes,andashelookedhesawthemsoftenandgrowliquid,andtherewasanexpressioninthemthatenchantedhim.hisheartwassuddenlystirred,andtearscametohiseyes.

“norah,you’renotfondofme,areyou?”heasked,incredulously.

“youcleverboy,youasksuchstupidquestions.”

“oh,mydear,itneverstruckmethatyoucouldbe.”

heflunghisarmsroundherandkissedher,whileshe,laughing,blushing,andcrying,surrenderedherselfwillinglytohisembrace.

presentlyhereleasedherandsittingbackonhisheelslookedathercuriously.

“well,i’mblowed!”hesaid.

“why?”

“i’msosurprised.”

“andpleased?”

“delighted,”hecriedwithallhisheart,“andsoproudandsohappyandsograteful.”

hetookherhandsandcoveredthemwithkisses.thiswasthebeginningforphilipofahappinesswhichseemedbothsolidanddurable.theybecameloversbutremainedfriends.therewasinnorahamaternalinstinctwhichreceivedsatisfactioninherloveforphilip;shewantedsomeonetopet,andscold,andmakeafussof;shehadadomestictemperamentandfoundpleasureinlookingafterhishealthandhislinen.shepitiedhisdeformity,overwhichhewassosensitive,andherpityexpresseditselfinstinctivelyintenderness.shewasyoung,strong,andhealthy,anditseemedquitenaturaltohertogiveherlove.shehadhighspiritsandamerrysoul.shelikedphilipbecausehelaughedwithheratalltheamusingthingsinlifethatcaughtherfancy,andaboveallshelikedhimbecausehewashe.

whenshetoldhimthisheansweredgaily:

“nonsense.youlikemebecausei’masilentpersonandneverwanttogetawordin.”

philipdidnotloveheratall.hewasextremelyfondofher,gladtobewithher,amusedandinterestedbyherconversation.sherestoredhisbeliefinhimselfandputhealingointments,asitwere,onallthebruisesofhissoul.hewasimmenselyflatteredthatshecaredforhim.headmiredhercourage,heroptimism,herimpudentdefianceoffate;shehadalittlephilosophyofherown,ingenuousandpractical.

“youknow,idon’tbelieveinchurchesandparsonsandallthat,”shesaid,“butibelieveingod,andidon’tbelievehemindsmuchaboutwhatyoudoaslongasyoukeepyourendupandhelpalamedogoverastilewhenyoucan.andithinkpeopleonthewholeareverynice,andi’msorryforthosewhoaren’t.”

“andwhataboutafterwards?”askedphilip.

“oh,well,idon’tknowforcertain,youknow,”shesmiled,“butihopeforthebest.andanyhowthere’llbenorenttopayandnonovelettestowrite.”

shehadafemininegiftfordelicateflattery.shethoughtthatphilipdidabravethingwhenheleftparisbecausehewasconscioushecouldnotbeagreatartist;andhewasenchantedwhensheexpressedenthusiasticadmirationforhim.hehadneverbeenquitecertainwhetherthisactionindicatedcourageorinfirmityofpurpose.itwasdelightfultorealisethatsheconsidereditheroic.sheventuredtotacklehimonasubjectwhichhisfriendsinstinctivelyavoided.

“it’sverysillyofyoutobesosensitiveaboutyourclub-foot,”shesaid.shesawhimblushdarkly,butwenton.“youknow,peopledon’tthinkaboutitnearlyasmuchasyoudo.theynoticeitthefirsttimetheyseeyou,andthentheyforgetaboutit.”

hewouldnotanswer.

“you’renotangrywithme,areyou?”

“no.”