第33章Thepimientapancakes

第33章thepimientapancakes

whilewewereroundingupabunchofthetriangle-ocat-tleinthefriobottomsaprojectingbranchofadeadmes-quitecaughtmywoodenstirrupandgavemyankleawrenchthatlaidmeupincampforaweek.

onthethirddayofmycompulsoryidlenessicrawledoutnearthegrubwagon,andreclinedhelplessundertheconversationalfireofjudsonodom,thecampcook.judwasamonologistbynature,whomdestiny,withcustomaryblundering,hadsetinaprofessionwhereinhewasbereaved,forthegreaterportionofhistime,ofanaudience.

therefore,iwasmannainthedesertofjud'sobmutescence.

betimesiwasstirredbyinvalidlongingsforsomethingtoeatthatdidnotcomeunderthecaptionof"grub."ihadvisionsofthematernalpantry"deepasfirstlove,andwildwithallregret,andtheniasked:

"iud,canyoumakepancakes?"

judlaiddownhissix-shooter,withwhichhewaspreparingtopoundanantelopesteak,andstoodovermeinwhatifelttobeamenacingattitude.hefurtherendorsedmyimpressionthathisposewasresentfulbyfixinguponmewithhislightblueeyesalookofcoldsuspicion.

"say,you,"hesaid,withcandid,thoughnotexcessive,choler,"didyoumeanthatstraight,orwasyoutryingtothrowthegaffintome?someoftheboysbeentellingyouaboutmeaudthatpancakeracket?"

"no,jud,"isaid,sincerely,"imeantit.itseemstomei'dswapmyponyandsaddleforastackofbutteredbrownpancakeswithsomefirstcrop,openkettle,neworleanssweetening.wasthereastoryaboutpancakes?"

judwasmollifiedatoncewhenhesawthatihadnotbeendealinginallusions.hebroughtsomemysteriousbagsandtinboxesfromthegrubwagonandsetthemintheshadeofthehackberrywhereilayreclined.iwatchedhimashebegantoarrangethemleisurelyanduntietheirmanystrings.

"no,notastory,"saidjud,asheworked,"butjustthelogicaldisclosuresinthecaseofmeandthatpink-eyedsnoozerfrommiredmulecahadaandmisswillellalearight.idon'tmindtellingyou.

"iwaspunchingthenforoldbilltoomey,onthesanmiguel.onedayigetsallensnaredupinaspirationsfortoeatsomecannedgrubthathasn'tevermooedorbaaedorgruntedorbeeninpeckmeasures.so,igetsonmybroncandpushesthewindforuncleemsieytelfair'sstoreatthepimientacrossingontheneuces.

"aboutthreeintheafternoonithrowedmybridlereinoveramesquitelimbandwalkedthelasttwentyyardsintouncleemsley'sstore.igotuponthecounterandtolduncleemsleythatthesignspointedtothedevastationofthefruitcropoftheworld.inaminuteihadabagofcrackersandalong-handledspoon,withanopencaneachofapricotsandpineapplesandcherriesandgreengagesbesideofmewithuncleemsleybusychoppingawaywiththehatchetattheyellowchings.iwasfeelinglikeadambeforetheapplestampede,andwasingmyspursintothesideofthecounterandworkingwithmytwenty-four-inchspoonwhenihappenedtolookoutofthewindowintotheyardofuncleemsley'shouse,whichwasnexttothestore.

"therewasagirlstandingthere—animportedgirlwithfixingson—philanderingwithacroquetmaulandamusingherselfbywatchingmystyleofencouragingthefruitcanningindustry.

"islidoffthecounteranddeliveredupmyshoveltouncleemsley.

"'that'smyniece,’sayshe;'misswillellalearight,downfrompalestineonavisit.doyouwantthatishouldmakeyouacquainted?’"'theholyland,’isaystomyself,mythoughtsmillingsomeasitriedtorun'emintothecorral.'whynot?therewassureangelsinpales—whyyes,uncleemsley,’isaysoutloud,'i'dbeawfuledifiedtomeetmisslearight.’

"souncleemsleytookmeoutintheyardandgaveuseachother'sentitlements.

"ineverwasshyaboutwomen.inevercouldunderstandwhysomemenwhocanbreakamustangbeforebreakfastandshaveinthedark,getallleft-handedandfullofperspirationandexcuseswhentheyseeaboldofcalicodrapedaroundwhatbelongstoit.insideofeightminutesmeandmisswillellawasaggravatingthecroquetballsaroundasamiableassecondcousins.shegavemeadigaboutthequantityofcannedfruitihadeaten,andigotbackather,flat-footed,abouthowacertainladynamedevestartedthefruittroubleinthefirstfree-grasspasture—'overinpalestine,wasn'tit?’saysi,aseasyandpatasropingaone-year-old.

"thatwashowiacquiredcordialityfortheproximitiesofmisswillellalearight;andthedispositiongrewlargerastimepassed.shewasstoppingatpimientacrossingforherhealth,whichwasverygood,andfortheclimate,whichwasfortypercenthotterthanpalestine.irodeovertoseeheronceeveryweekforawhile;andthenifigureditoutthatifidoubledthenumberoftripsiwouldseehertwiceasoften.

"oneweekislippedinathirdtrip;andthat'swherethepancakesandthepink-eyedsnoozerbustedintothegame.

"thatevening,whileisetonthecounterwithapeachandtwodamsonsinmymouth,iaskeduncleemsleyhowmisswillellawas.

"'why,’saysuncleemsley,'she'sgoneridingwithjacksonbird,thesheepmanfromoveratmiredmulecanada.’

"iswallowedthepeachseedandthetwodamsonseeds.iguesssomebodyheldthecounterbythebridlewhileigotoff;andtheniwalkedoutstraightaheadtillibuttedagainstthemesquitewheremyroanwastied.

"'she'sgoneriding,’iwhisperinmybronc'sear,'withbirdstonejack,thehiredmulefromsheepman'scahada.didyougetthat,oldleather-and-gallops?’

"thatbroncofminewept,inhisway.he'dbeenraisedacowponyandhedidn'tcareforsnoozers.

"iwentbackandsaidtouncleemsley:'didyousayasheepman?’

"'isaidasheepman,’saysuncleemsleyagain.'youmusthaveheardtellofjacksonbird.he'sgoteightsectionsofgrazingandfourthousandheadofthefinestmerinossouthofthearcticcircle.’

"iwentoutandsatonthegroundintheshadeofthestoreandleanedagainstapricklypear.isiftedsandintomybootswithunthinkinghandswhileisoliloquizedaquantityaboutthisbirdwiththejacksonplumagetohisname.

"ineverhadbelievedinharmingsheepmen.iseeone,oneday,readingalatingrammaronhorseback,andinevertouchedhim!theyneverirritatedmeliketheydomostcowmen.youwouldn'tgotoworknow,andimpairanddisfiguresnoozers,wouldyou,thateatontablesandwearlittleshoesandspeaktoyouonsubjects?ihadalwayslet'empass,justasyouwouldajack-rabbit;withapolitewordandaguessabouttheweather,butnostoppingtoswapcanteens.ineverthoughtitwasworthwhiletobehostilewithasnoozer.andbecausei'dbeenlenient,andlet'emlive,herewasonegoingaroundridingwithmisswillellalearight!

"anhourbysuntheycomelopingback,andstoppedatuncleemsley'sgate.thesheeppersonhelpedheroff;andtheystoodthrowingeachothersentencesallsprightfulandsagaciousforawhile.andthenthisfeatheredjacksonfliesupinhissaddleandraiseshislittlestewpotofahat,andtrotsoffinthedirectionofhismuttonranch.bythistimeihadturnedthesandoutofmybootsandunpinnedmyselffromthepricklypear;andbythetimehegets,halfamileoutofpimienta,isinglefootsupbesidehimonmybronc.

"isaidthatsnoozerwaspink-eyed,buthewasn't.hisseeingarrangementwasgrayenough,buthiseye-lasheswaspinkandhishairwassandy,andthatgaveyoutheidea.sheepman?—hewasn'tmorethanalambman,anyhow—alittlethingwithhisneckinvolvedinayellowsilkhandkerchief,andshoestiedupinbowknots.

"'afternoon!’saysitohim.'younowridewithaequestrianwhoiscommonlycalleddead-moral-certaintyjudson,onaccountofthewayishoot.wheniwantastrangertoknowmeialways,introducemyselfbeforethedraw,forineverdidliketoshakehandswathghosts.’

"'ah,’sayshe,justlikethat—'ah,i'mgladtoknowyou,mr.judson.i'mjacksonbird,fromoveratmiredmuleranch.’

"justthenoneofmyeyessawaroadrunnerskippingdownthehillwithayoungtarantulainhisbill,andtheothereyenoticedarabbit-hawksittingonadeadlimbinawater-elm.ipoppedoveroneaftertheotherwithmyforty-five,justtoshowhim.'twooutofthree,’saysi.'birdsjustnaturallyseemtodrawmyfirewhereverigo.’

"'niceshooting,’saysthesheepman,withoutaflutter.'butdon'tyousometimesevermissthethirdshot?elegantfinerainthatwaslastweekfortheyounggrass,mr.judson,’sayshe.

"'willie,’saysi,ridingoverclosetohispalfrey,'yourinfatuatedparentsmayhavedenouncedyoubythenameofjackson,butyousuremoultedintoatwitteringwillie—letussloughoff.thishereanalysisofrainandtheelements,andgetdowntotalkthatisoutsidethevocabularyofparrots.thatisabadhabityouhavegotofridingwithyoungladiesoveratpimienta.i'veknownbirds,’saysi,'tobeservedontoastforlessthanthat,misswillella,’saysi,'don'teverwantanynestmadeoutofsheep'swoolbyatomtitofthejacksonianbranchofornithology.now,areyougoingtoquit,ordoyouwishfortogallopupagainstthisdead-moral-certaintyattachmenttomyname,whichisgoodfortwohyphensandatleastonesetoffuneralobsequies?’

"jaeksonbirdflushedupsome,andthenhelaughed.

"'why,mr.judson,’sayshe,'you'vegotthewrongidea.i'vecalledonmisslearightafewtimes;butnotforthepurposeyouimagine.myobjectispurelyagastronomicalone’

"ireachedformygun.

"'anycoyote,’saysi,'thatwouldboastofdishonorable—’

"'waitaminute,’saysthisbird,'tilliexplain.whatwouldidowithawife?ifyoueversawthatranchofmine!idomyowncookingandmending.eating—that'sallthepleasureigetoutofsheepraising.mr.judson,didyouevertastethepancakesthatmisslearightmakes?’

"'me?no,’itoldhim.'ineverwasadvisedthatshewasuptoanyculinarymanoeuvers.’

"'they'regoldensunshine,’sayshe,'honey-brownedbytheambrosialfiresofepicurus.i'dgivetwoyearsofmylifetogettherecipeformakingthempancakes.that'swhatiwenttoseemisslearightfor,’saysjacksonbird,'butihaven'tbeenabletogetitfromher.it'sanoldrecipethat'sbeeninthefamilyforseventy-fiveyears.theyhanditdownfromonegenerationtoanother,buttheydon'tgiveitawaytooutsiders.ificouldgetthatrecipe,soicouldmakethempancakesformyselfonmyranch,i'dbeahappyman,’saysbird.

"'areyousure,’isaystohim,'thatitain'tthehandthatm-ixesthepancakesthatyou'reafter?’

"'sure,’saysjackson.'misslearightisamightynicegirl,buticanassureyoumyintentionsgonofurtherthanthegastro—’butheseenmyhandgoingdowntomyhoisterandhechangedhissimilitude—'thanthedesiretoprocureacopyofthepancakerecipe,’hefinishes.

"'youain'tsuchabadlittleman,’saysi,tryingtobefair.'iwasthinkingsomeofmakingorphansofyoursheep,buti'llletyouflyawaythistime.butyousticktopancakes,’saysi,'ascloseasthemiddleoneofastack;anddon'tgoandmistakesentimentsforsyrup,orthere'llbesingingatyourranch,andyouwon'thearit.’

"'toconvinceyouthatiamsincere,’saysthesheepman,'i'llaskyoutohelpme.misslearightandyoubeingcloserfriends,maybeshewoulddoforyouwhatshewouldn'tforme.ifyouwillgetmeacopyofthatpancakerecipe,igiveyoumywordthati'llnevercalluponheragain.’

"'that'sfair,’isays,andishookhandswithjacksonbird.'i'llgetitforyouifican,andgladtooblige.’andheturnedoffdownthebigpearflatonthepiedra,inthedirectionofmiredmute;andisteerednorthwestforoldbilltoomey'sranch.

"itwasfivedaysafterwardwhenigotanotherchancetorideovertopimienta.misswillellaandmepassedagratifyingeveningatuncleemsley's.shesangsome,andexasperatedthepianoquitealotwithquotationsfromtheoperas.igaveimitationsofarattlesnake,andtoldheraboutsnakymcfee'snewwayofskinningcows,anddescribedthetripimadetosaintlouisonce.wewasgettingalonginoneanother'sestimationsfine.thinksi,ifjacksonbirdcannowbepersuadedtomigrate,iwin.irecollecthispromiseaboutthepancakereceipt,andithinksiwillpersuadeitfrommisswillellaandgiveittohim;andthenificatchesbirdieoffofmiredmuleagain,i'llmakehimhopthetwig.

"so,alongaboutteno'clock,iputonawheedlingsmileandsaystomisswillella:'now,ifthere'sanythingidolikebetterthanthesightofaredsteerongreengrassit'sthetasteofanicehotpancakesmotheredinsugar-housemolasses.’