第88章

第88章“heiswell,quitewell!”zossimovcriedcheerfullyastheyentered.

hehadcomeintenminutesearlierandwassittinginthesameplaceasbefore,onthesofa.raskolnikovwassittingintheoppositecorner,fullydressedandcarefullywashedandcombed,ashehadnotbeenforsometimepast.theroomwasimmediatelycrowded,yetnastasyamanagedtofollowthevisitorsinandstayedtolisten.

raskolnikovreallywasalmostwell,ascomparedwithhisconditionthedaybefore,buthewasstillpale,listless,andsombre.helookedlikeawoundedmanoronewhohasundergonesometerriblephysicalsuffering.hisbrowswereknitted,hislipscompressed,hiseyesfeverish.hespokelittleandreluctantly,asthoughperformingaduty,andtherewasarestlessnessinhismovements.

heonlywantedaslingonhisarmorabandageonhisfingertocompletetheimpressionofamanwithapainfulabscessorabrokenarm.thepale,sombrefacelightedupforamomentwhenhismotherandsisterentered,butthisonlygaveitalookofmoreintensesuffering,inplaceofitslistlessdejection.thelightsoondiedaway,butthelookofsufferingremained,andzossimov,watchingandstudyinghispatientwithallthezestofayoungdoctorbeginningtopractise,noticedinhimnojoyatthearrivalofhismotherandsister,butasortofbitter,hiddendeterminationtobearanotherhourortwoofinevitabletorture.hesawlaterthatalmosteverywordofthefollowingconversationseemedtotouchonsomesoreplaceandirritateit.butatthesametimehemarvelledatthepowerofcontrollinghimselfandhidinghisfeelingsinapatientwhothepreviousdayhad,likeamonomaniac,fallenintoafrenzyattheslightestword.

“yes,iseemyselfnowthatiamalmostwell,”saidraskolnikov,givinghismotherandsisterakissofwelcomewhichmadepulcheriaalexandrovnaradiantatonce.“andidon’tsaythisasididyesterday,”hesaid,addressingrazumihin,withafriendlypressureofhishand.

“yes,indeed,iamquitesurprisedathimto-day,”beganzossimov,muchdelightedattheladies’entrance,forhehadnoteededinkeepingupaconversationwithhispatientfortenminutes.“inanotherthreeorfourdays,ifhegoesonlikethis,hewillbejustasbefore,thatis,ashewasamonthago,ortwo…orperhapseventhree.thishasbeencomingonforalongwhile.…eh?confess,now,thatithasbeenperhapsyourownfault?”headded,withatentativesmile,asthoughstillafraidofirritatinghim.

“itisverypossible,”answeredraskolnikovcoldly.

“ishouldsay,too,”continuedzossimovwithzest,“thatyourcompleterecoverydependssolelyonyourself.nowthatonecantalktoyou,ishouldliketoimpressuponyouthatitisessentialtoavoidtheelementary,sotospeak,fundamentalcausestendingtoproduceyourmorbidcondition:inthatcaseyouwillbecured,ifnot,itwillgofrombadtoworse.thesefundamentalcausesidon’tknow,buttheymustbeknowntoyou.youareanintelligentman,andmusthaveobservedyourself,ofcourse.ifancythefirststageofyourderangementcoincideswithyourleavingtheuniversity.youmustnotbeleftwithoutoccupation,andso,workandadefiniteaimsetbeforeyoumight,ifancy,beverybeneficial.”

“yes,yes;youareperfectlyright.…iwillmakehasteandreturntotheuniversity:andtheneverythingwillgosmoothly.…”

zossimov,whohadbegunhissageadvicepartlytomakeaneffectbeforetheladies,wascertainlysomewhatmystified,when,glancingathispatient,heobservedunmistakablemockeryonhisface.thislastedaninstant,however.pulcheriaalexandrovnabeganatoncethankingzossimov,especiallyforhisvisittotheirlodgingthepreviousnight.

“what!hesawyoulastnight?”raskolnikovasked,asthoughstartled.“thenyouhavenotslepteitherafteryourjourney.”

“ach,rodya,thatwasonlytilltwoo’clock.douniaandinevergotobedbeforetwoathome.”

“idon’tknowhowtothankhimeither,”raskolnikovwenton,suddenlyfrowningandlookingdown.“settingasidethequestionofpayment—forgivemeforreferringtoit(heturnedtozossimov)—ireallydon’tknowwhatihavedonetodeservesuchspecialattentionfromyou!isimplydon’tunderstandit…and…and…itweighsuponme,indeed,becauseidon’tunderstandit.itellyousocandidly.”

“don’tbeirritated.”zossimovforcedhimselftolaugh.“assumethatyouaremyfirstpatient—well—wefellowsjustbeginningtopractiseloveourfirstpatientsasiftheywereourchildren,andsomealmostfallinlovewiththem.and,ofcourse,iamnotrichinpatients.”

“isaynothingabouthim,”addedraskolnikov,pointingtorazumihin,“thoughhehashadnothingfrommeeitherbutinsultandtrouble.”

“whatnonsenseheistalking!why,youareinasentimentalmoodto-day,areyou?”shoutedrazumihin.

ifhehadhadmorepenetrationhewouldhaveseenthattherewasnotraceofsentimentalityinhim,butsomethingindeedquitetheopposite.butavdotyaromanovnanoticedit.shewasintentlyanduneasilywatchingherbrother.

“asforyou,mother,idon’tdaretospeak,”hewenton,asthoughrepeatingalessonlearnedbyheart.“itisonlyto-daythatihavebeenabletorealisealittlehowdistressedyoumusthavebeenhereyesterday,waitingformetocomeback.”

whenhehadsaidthis,hesuddenlyheldouthishandtohissister,smilingwithoutaword.butinthissmiletherewasaflashofrealunfeignedfeeling.douniacaughtitatonce,andwarmlypressedhishand,overjoyedandthankful.itwasthefirsttimehehadaddressedhersincetheirdisputethepreviousday.themother’sfacelightedupwithecstatichappinessatthesightofthisconclusiveunspokenreconciliation.“yes,thatiswhatilovehimfor,”razumihin,eratingitall,mutteredtohimself,withavigorousturninhischair.“hehasthesemovements.”