第137章

第137章themorningthatfollowedthefatefulinterviewwithdouniaandhermotherbroughtsoberinginfluencestobearonpyotrpetrovitch.intenselyunpleasantasitwas,hewasforcedlittlebylittletoacceptasafactbeyondrecallwhathadseemedtohimonlythedaybeforefantasticandincredible.theblacksnakeofwoundedvanityhadbeengnawingathisheartallnight.whenhegotoutofbed,pyotrpetrovitchimmediatelylookedinthelooking-glass.hewasafraidthathehadjaundice.howeverhishealthseemedunimpairedsofar,andlookingathisnoble,clear-skinnedcountenancewhichhadgrownfattishoflate,pyotrpetrovitchforaninstantwaspositivelycomfortedintheconvictionthathewouldfindanotherbrideand,perhaps,evenabetterone.butcomingbacktothesenseofhispresentposition,heturnedasideandspatvigorously,whichexcitedasarcasticsmileinandreysemyonovitchlebeziatnikov,theyoungfriendwithwhomhewasstaying.thatsmilepyotrpetrovitchnoticed,andatoncesetitdownagainsthisyoungfriend’saccount.hehadsetdownagoodmanypointsagainsthimoflate.hisangerwasredoubledwhenhereflectedthatheoughtnottohavetoldandreysemyonovitchabouttheresultofyesterday’sinterview.thatwasthesecondmistakehehadmadeintemper,throughimpulsivenessandirritability.…moreover,allthatmorningoneunpleasantnessfollowedanother.heevenfoundahitchawaitinghiminhislegalcaseinthesenate.hewasparticularlyirritatedbytheowneroftheflatwhichhadbeentakeninviewofhisapproachingmarriageandwasbeingredecoratedathisownexpense;theowner,arichgermantradesman,wouldnotentertaintheideaofbreakingthecontractwhichhadjustbeensignedandinsistedonthefullforfeitmoney,thoughpyotrpetrovitchwouldbegivinghimbacktheflatpracticallyredecorated.inthesamewaytheupholsterersrefusedtoreturnasingleroubleoftheinstalmentpaidforthefurniturepurchasedbutnotyetremovedtotheflat.

“amitogetmarriedsimplyforthesakeofthefurniture?”pyotrpetrovitchgroundhisteethandatthesametimeoncemorehehadagleamofdesperatehope.“canallthatbereallysoirrevocablyover?isitnousetomakeanothereffort?”thethoughtofdouniasentavoluptuouspangthroughhisheart.heenduredanguishatthatmoment,andifithadbeenpossibletoslayraskolnikovinstantlybywishingit,pyotrpetrovitchwouldpromptlyhaveutteredthewish.

“itwasmymistake,too,nottohavegiventhemmoney,”hethought,ashereturneddejectedlytolebeziatnikov’sroom,“andwhyonearthwasisuchajew?itwasfalseeconomy!imeanttokeepthemwithoutapennysothattheyshouldturntomeastheirprovidence,andlookatthem!foo!ifi’dspentsomefifteenhundredroublesonthemforthetrousseauandpresents,onknick-knacks,dressing-cases,jewellery,materials,andallthatsortoftrashfromknopp’sandtheenglishshop,mypositionwouldhavebeenbetterand…stronger!theycouldnothaverefusedmesoeasily!theyarethesortofpeoplethatwouldfeelboundtoreturnmoneyandpresentsiftheybrokeitoff;andtheywouldfindithardtodoit!andtheirconsciencewouldprickthem:howcanwedismissamanwhohashithertobeensogenerousanddelicate?.…h’m!i’vemadeablunder.”

andgrindinghisteethagain,pyotrpetrovitchcalledhimselfafool—butnotaloud,ofcourse.

hereturnedhome,twiceasirritatedandangryasbefore.thepreparationsforthefuneraldinneratkaterinaivanovna’sexcitedhiscuriosityashepassed.hehadheardaboutitthedaybefore;hefancied,indeed,thathehadbeeninvited,butabsorbedinhisowncareshehadpaidnoattention.inquiringofmadamelippevechselwhowasbusylayingthetablewhilekaterinaivanovnawasawayatthecemetery,heheardthattheentertainmentwastobeagreataffair,thatallthelodgershadbeeninvited,amongthemsomewhohadnotknownthedeadman,thatevenandreysemyonovitchlebeziatnikovwasinvitedinspiteofhispreviousquarrelwithkaterinaivanovna,thathe,pyotrpetrovitch,wasnotonlyinvited,butwaseagerlyexpectedashewasthemostimportantofthelodgers.amaliaivanovnaherselfhadbeeninvitedwithgreatceremonyinspiteoftherecentunpleasantness,andsoshewasverybusywithpreparationsandwastakingapositivepleasureinthem;shewasmoreoverdresseduptothenines,allinnewblacksilk,andshewasproudofit.allthisestedanideatopyotrpetrovitchandhewentintohisroom,orratherlebeziatnikov’s,somewhatthoughtful.hehadlearntthatraskolnikovwastobeoneoftheguests.