第104章

第104章“idon’tbelieveit,ican’tbelieveit!”repeatedrazumihin,tryinginperplexitytorefuteraskolnikov’sarguments.

theywerebynowapproachingbakaleyev’slodgings,wherepulcheriaalexandrovnaanddouniahadbeenexpectingthemalongwhile.razumihinkeptstoppingonthewayintheheatofdiscussion,confusedandexcitedbytheveryfactthattheywereforthefirsttimespeakingopenlyaboutit.

“don’tbelieveit,then!”answeredraskolnikov,withacold,carelesssmile.“youwerenoticingnothingasusual,butiwasweighingeveryword.”

“youaresuspicious.thatiswhyyouweighedtheirwords…h’m…certainly,iagree,porfiry’stonewasratherstrange,andstillmorethatwretchzametov!…youareright,therewassomethingabouthim—butwhy?why?”

“hehaschangedhismindsincelastnight.”

“quitethecontrary!iftheyhadthatbrainlessidea,theywoulddotheirutmosttohideit,andconcealtheircards,soastocatchyouafterwards.…butitwasallimpudentandcareless.”

“iftheyhadhadfacts—imean,realfacts—oratleastgroundsforsuspicion,thentheywouldcertainlyhavetriedtohidetheirgame,inthehopeofgettingmore(theywouldhavemadeasearchlongagobesides).buttheyhavenofacts,notone.itisallmirage—allambiguous.simplyafloatingidea.sotheytrytothrowmeoutbyimpudence.andperhaps,hewasirritatedathavingnofacts,andblurteditoutinhisvexation—orperhapshehassomeplan…heseemsanintelligentman.perhapshewantedtofrightenmebypretendingtoknow.theyhaveapsychologyoftheirown,brother.butitisloathsomeexplainingitall.stop!”

“andit’sinsulting,insulting!iunderstandyou.but…sincewehavespokenopenlynow(anditisanexcellentthingthatwehaveatlast—iamglad)iwillownnowfranklythatinoticeditinthemlongago,thisidea.ofcoursethemeresthintonly—aninsinuation—butwhyaninsinuationeven?howdarethey?whatfoundationhavethey?ifonlyyouknewhowfuriousihavebeen.thinkonly!simplybecauseapoorstudent,unhingedbypovertyandhypochondria,ontheeveofaseveredeliriousillness(notethat),suspicious,vain,proud,whohasnotseenasoultospeaktoforsixmonths,inragsandinbootswithoutsoles,hastofacesomewretchedpolicemenandputupwiththeirinsolence;andtheunexpecteddebtthrustunderhisnose,thei.o.u.presentedbytchebarov,thenewpaint,thirtydegreesreaumurandastiflingatmosphere,acrowdofpeople,thetalkaboutthemurderofapersonwherehehadbeenjustbefore,andallthatonanemptystomach—hemightwellhaveafaintingfit!andthat,thatiswhattheyfounditallon!damnthem!iunderstandhowannoyingitis,butinyourplace,rodya,iwouldlaughatthem,orbetterstill,spitintheiruglyfaces,andspitadozentimesinalldirections.i’dhitoutinalldirections,neatlytoo,andsoi’dputanendtoit.damnthem!don’tbedownhearted.it’sashame!”

“hereallyhasputitwell,though,”raskolnikovthought.

“damnthem?butthecross-examinationagain,to-morrow?”hesaidwithbitterness.“mustireallyenterintoexplanationswiththem?ifeelvexedasitis,thaticondescendedtospeaktozametovyesterdayintherestaurant.…”

“damnit!iwillgomyselftoporfiry.iwillsqueezeitoutofhim,asoneofthefamily:hemustletmeknowtheinsandoutsofitall!andasforzametov…”

“atlastheseesthroughhim!”thoughtraskolnikov.

“stay!”criedrazumihin,seizinghimbytheshoulderagain.“stay!youwerewrong.ihavethoughtitout.youarewrong!howwasthatatrap?yousaythatthequestionabouttheworkmenwasatrap.butifyouhaddonethat,couldyouhavesaidyouhadseenthempaintingtheflat…andtheworkmen?onthecontrary,youwouldhaveseennothing,evenifyouhadseenit.whowouldownitagainsthimself?”

“ifihaddonethatthing,ishouldcertainlyhavesaidthatihadseentheworkmenandtheflat,”raskolnikovanswered,withreluctanceandobviousdisgust.

“butwhyspeakagainstyourself?”

“becauseonlypeasants,orthemostinexperiencednovicesdenyeverythingflatlyatexaminations.ifamaniseversolittledevelopedandexperienced,hewillcertainlytrytoadmitalltheexternalfactsthatcan’tbeavoided,butwillseekotherexplanationsofthem,willintroducesomespecial,unexpectedturn,thatwillgivethemanothersignificanceandputtheminanotherlight.porfirymightwellreckonthatishouldbesuretoanswerso,andsayihadseenthemtogiveanairoftruth,andthenmakesomeexplanation.”

“buthewouldhavetoldyouatoncethattheworkmencouldnothavebeentheretwodaysbefore,andthatthereforeyoumusthavebeenthereonthedayofthemurderateighto’clock.andsohewouldhavecaughtyouoveradetail.”

“yes,thatiswhathewasreckoningon,thatishouldnothavetimetoreflect,andshouldbeinahurrytomakethemostlikelyanswer,andsowouldforgetthattheworkmencouldnothavebeentheretwodaysbefore.”

“buthowcouldyouforgetit?”

“nothingeasier.itisinjustsuchstupidthingscleverpeoplearemosteasilycaught.themorecunningamanis,thelesshesuspectsthathewillbecaughtinasimplething.themorecunningamanis,thesimplerthetraphemustbecaughtin.porfiryisnotsuchafoolasyouthink.…”

“heisaknavethen,ifthatisso!”

raskolnikovcouldnothelplaughing.butattheverymoment,hewasstruckbythestrangenessofhisownfrankness,andtheeagernesswithwhichhehadmadethisexplanation,thoughhehadkeptupalltheprecedingconversationwithgloomyrepulsion,obviouslywithamotive,fromnecessity.

“iamgettingarelishforcertainaspects!”hethoughttohimself.butalmostatthesameinstanthebecamesuddenlyuneasy,asthoughanunexpectedandalarmingideahadoccurredtohim.hisuneasinesskeptonincreasing.theyhadjustreachedtheentrancetobakaleyev’s.

“goinalone!”saidraskolnikovsuddenly.“iwillbebackdirectly.”

“whereareyougoing?why,wearejusthere.”