第52章

第52章“howhekeepson!areyouafraidofhavingletoutsomesecret?don’tworryyourself;yousaidnothingaboutacountess.butyousaidalotaboutabulldog,andaboutear-ringsandchains,andaboutkrestovskyisland,andsomeporter,andnikodimfomitchandilyapetrovitch,theassistantsuperintendent.andanotherthingthatwasofspecialinteresttoyouwasyourownsock.youwhined,‘givememysock.’zametovhuntedallaboutyourroomforyoursocks,andwithhisownscented,ring-bedeckedfingershegaveyoutherag.andonlythenwereyoucomforted,andforthenexttwenty-fourhoursyouheldthewretchedthinginyourhand;wecouldnotgetitfromyou.itismostlikelysomewhereunderyourquiltatthismoment.andthenyouaskedsopiteouslyforfringeforyourtrousers.wetriedtofindoutwhatsortoffringe,butwecouldnotmakeitout.nowtobusiness!herearethirty-fiveroubles;itaketenofthem,andshallgiveyouanaccountoftheminanhourortwo.iwillletzossimovknowatthesametime,thoughheoughttohavebeenherelongago,foritisnearlytwelve.andyou,nastasya,lookinprettyoftenwhileiamaway,toseewhetherhewantsadrinkoranythingelse.andiwilltellpashenkawhatiswantedmyself.good-bye!”

“hecallsherpashenka!ah,he’sadeepone!”saidnastasyaashewentout;thensheopenedthedoorandstoodlistening,butcouldnotresistrunningdownstairsafterhim.shewasveryeagertohearwhathewouldsaytothelandlady.shewasevidentlyquitefascinatedbyrazumihin.

nosoonerhadshelefttheroomthanthesickmanflungoffthebedclothesandleaptoutofbedlikeamadman.withburning,twitchingimpatiencehehadwaitedforthemtobegonesothathemightsettowork.buttowhatwork?now,asthoughtospitehim,iteludedhim.

“goodgod,onlytellmeonething:dotheyknowofityetornot?whatiftheyknowitandareonlypretending,mockingmewhileiamlaidup,andthentheywillcomeinandtellmethatit’sbeendiscoveredlongagoandthattheyhaveonly…whatamitodonow?that’swhati’veforgotten,asthoughonpurpose;forgottenitallatonce,irememberedaminuteago.”

hestoodinthemiddleoftheroomandgazedinmiserablebewildermentabouthim;hewalkedtothedoor,openedit,listened;butthatwasnotwhathewanted.suddenly,asthoughrecallingsomething,herushedtothecornerwheretherewasaholeunderthepaper,beganexaminingit,puthishandintothehole,fumbled—butthatwasnotit.hewenttothestove,openeditandbeganrummagingintheashes;thefrayededgesofhistrousersandtheragscutoffhispocketwerelyingtherejustashehadthrownthem.noonehadlooked,then!thenherememberedthesockaboutwhichrazumihinhadjustbeentellinghim.yes,thereitlayonthesofaunderthequilt,butitwassocoveredwithdustandgrimethatzametovcouldnothaveseenanythingonit.

“bah,zametov!thepoliceoffice!andwhyamisentfortothepoliceoffice?where’sthenotice?bah!iammixingitup;thatwasthen.ilookedatmysockthen,too,butnow…nowihavebeenill.butwhatdidzametovcomefor?whydidrazumihinbringhim?”hemuttered,helplesslysittingonthesofaagain.“whatdoesitmean?amistillindelirium,orisitreal?ibelieveitisreal.…ah,iremember;imustescape!makehastetoescape.yes,imust,imustescape!yes…butwhere?andwherearemyclothes?i’venoboots.they’vetakenthemaway!they’vehiddenthem!iunderstand!ah,hereismycoat—theypassedthatover!andhereismoneyonthetable,thankgod!andhere’stheiou…i’lltakethemoneyandgoandtakeanotherlodging.theywon’tfindme!…yes,buttheaddressbureau?they’llfindme,razumihinwillfindme.betterescapealtogether…faraway…toamerica,andletthemdotheirworst!andtaketheiou…itwouldbeofusethere.…whatelseshallitake?theythinkiamill!theydon’tknowthaticanwalk,ha-ha-ha!icouldseebytheireyesthattheyknowallaboutit!ifonlyicouldgetdownstairs!andwhatiftheyhavesetawatchthere—policemen!what’sthistea?ah,andhereisbeerleft,halfabottle,cold!”

hesnatchedupthebottle,whichstillcontainedaglassfulofbeer,andgulpeditdownwithrelish,asthoughquenchingaflameinhisbreast.butinanotherminutethebeerhadgonetohishead,andafaintandevenpleasantshiverrandownhisspine.helaydownandpulledthequiltoverhim.hissickandincoherentthoughtsgrewmoreandmoredisconnected,andsoonalight,pleasantdrowsinesscameuponhim.withasenseofcomforthenestledhisheadintothepillow,wrappedmorecloselyabouthimthesoft,waddedquiltwhichhadreplacedtheold,edgreatcoat,sighedsoftlyandsankintoadeep,sound,refreshingsleep.

hewokeup,hearingsomeonecomein.heopenedhiseyesandsawrazumihinstandinginthedoorway,uncertainwhethertocomeinornot.raskolnikovsatupquicklyonthesofaandgazedathim,asthoughtryingtorecallsomething.

“ah,youarenotasleep!hereiam!nastasya,bringintheparcel!”razumihinshouteddownthestairs.“youshallhavetheaccountdirectly.”

“whattimeisit?”askedraskolnikov,lookingrounduneasily.

“yes,youhadafinesleep,brother,it’salmostevening,itwillbesixo’clockdirectly.youhavesleptmorethansixhours.”

“goodheavens!havei?”

“andwhynot?itwilldoyougood.what’sthehurry?atryst,isit?we’vealltimebeforeus.i’vebeenwaitingforthelastthreehoursforyou;i’vebeenuptwiceandfoundyouasleep.i’vecalledonzossimovtwice;notathome,onlyfancy!butnomatter,hewillturnup.andi’vebeenoutonmyownbusiness,too.youknowi’vebeenmovingto-day,movingwithmyuncle.ihaveanunclelivingwithmenow.butthat’snomatter,tobusiness.givemetheparcel,nastasya.wewillopenitdirectly.andhowdoyoufeelnow,brother?”