第48章

第48章heclosedhishandonthetwentycopecks,walkedonfortenpaces,andturnedfacingtheneva,lookingtowardsthepalace.theskywaswithoutacloudandthewaterwasalmostbrightblue,whichissorareintheneva.thecupolaofthecathedral,whichisseenatitsbestfromthebridgeabouttwentypacesfromthechapel,glitteredinthesunlight,andinthepureaireveryornamentonitcouldbeclearlydistinguished.thepainfromthelashwentoff,andraskolnikovforgotaboutit;oneuneasyandnotquitedefiniteideaoccupiedhimnowcompletely.hestoodstill,andgazedlongandintentlyintothedistance;thisspotwasespeciallyfamiliartohim.whenhewasattendingtheuniversity,hehadhundredsoftimes—generallyonhiswayhome—stoodstillonthisspot,gazedatthistrulymagnificentspectacleandalmostalwaysmarvelledatavagueandmysteriousemotionitrousedinhim.itlefthimstrangelycold;thisgorgeouspicturewasforhimblankandlifeless.hewonderedeverytimeathissombreandenigmaticimpressionand,mistrustinghimself,putofffindingtheexplanationofit.hevividlyrecalledthoseolddoubtsandperplexities,anditseemedtohimthatitwasnomerechancethatherecalledthemnow.itstruckhimasstrangeandgrotesque,thatheshouldhavestoppedatthesamespotasbefore,asthoughheactuallyimaginedhecouldthinkthesamethoughts,beinterestedinthesametheoriesandpicturesthathadinterestedhim…soshortatimeago.hefeltitalmostamusing,andyetitwrunghisheart.deepdown,hiddenfarawayoutofsightallthatseemedtohimnow—allhisoldpast,hisoldthoughts,hisoldproblemsandtheories,hisoldimpressionsandthatpictureandhimselfandall,all.…hefeltasthoughhewereflyingupwards,andeverythingwerevanishingfromhissight.makinganunconsciousmovementwithhishand,hesuddenlybecameawareofthepieceofmoneyinhisfist.heopenedhishand,staredatthecoin,andwithasweepofhisarmflungitintothewater;thenheturnedandwenthome.itseemedtohim,hehadcuthimselfofffromeveryoneandfromeverythingatthatmoment.

eveningwascomingonwhenhereachedhome,sothathemusthavebeenwalkingaboutsixhours.howandwherehecamebackhedidnotremember.undressing,andquiveringlikeanoverdrivenhorse,helaydownonthesofa,drewhisgreatcoatoverhim,andatoncesankintooblivion.…

itwasduskwhenhewaswakedupbyafearfulscream.goodgod,whatascream!suchunnaturalsounds,suchhowling,wailing,grinding,tears,blowsandcurseshehadneverheard.

hecouldneverhaveimaginedsuchbrutality,suchfrenzy.interrorhesatupinbed,almostswooningwithagony.butthefighting,wailingandcursinggrewlouderandlouder.andthentohisintenseamazementhecaughtthevoiceofhislandlady.shewashowling,shriekingandwailing,rapidly,hurriedly,incoherently,sothathecouldnotmakeoutwhatshewastalkingabout;shewasbeseeching,nodoubt,nottobebeaten,forshewasbeingmercilesslybeatenonthestairs.thevoiceofherassailantwassohorriblefromspiteandragethatitwasalmostacroak;buthe,too,wassayingsomething,andjustasquicklyandindistinctly,hurryingandspluttering.allatonceraskolnikovtrembled;herecognisedthevoice—itwasthevoiceofilyapetrovitch.ilyapetrovitchhereandbeatingthelandlady!heiskickingher,bangingherheadagainstthesteps—that’sclear,thatcanbetoldfromthesounds,fromthecriesandthethuds.howisit,istheworldtopsy-turvy?hecouldhearpeoplerunningincrowdsfromallthestoreysandallthestaircases;heheardvoices,exclamations,knocking,doorsbanging.“butwhy,why,andhowcoulditbe?”herepeated,thinkingseriouslythathehadgonemad.butno,heheardtoodistinctly!andtheywouldcometohimthennext,“fornodoubt…it’sallaboutthat…aboutyesterday.…goodgod!”hewouldhavefastenedhisdoorwiththelatch,buthecouldnotlifthishand…besides,itwouldbeuseless.terrorgrippedhisheartlikeice,torturedhimandnumbedhim.…butatlastallthisuproar,aftercontinuingabouttenminutes,begangraduallytosubside.thelandladywasmoaningandgroaning;ilyapetrovitchwasstillutteringthreatsandcurses.…butatlasthe,too,seemedtobesilent,andnowhecouldnotbeheard.“canhehavegoneaway?goodlord!”yes,andnowthelandladyisgoingtoo,stillweepingandmoaning…andthenherdoorslammed.…nowthecrowdwasgoingfromthestairstotheirrooms,exclaiming,disputing,callingtooneanother,raisingtheirvoicestoashout,droppingthemtoawhisper.theremusthavebeennumbersofthem—almostalltheinmatesoftheblock.“but,goodgod,howcoulditbe!andwhy,whyhadhecomehere!”

raskolnikovsankwornoutonthesofa,butcouldnotclosehiseyes.helayforhalfanhourinsuchanguish,suchanintolerablesensationofinfiniteterrorashehadneverexperiencedbefore.suddenlyabrightlightflashedintohisroom.nastasyacameinwithacandleandaplateofsoup.lookingathimcarefullyandascertainingthathewasnotasleep,shesetthecandleonthetableandbegantolayoutwhatshehadbrought—bread,salt,aplate,aspoon.

“you’veeatennothingsinceyesterday,iwarrant.you’vebeentrudgingaboutallday,andyou’reshakingwithfever.”

“nastasya…whatweretheybeatingthelandladyfor?”

shelookedintentlyathim.

“whobeatthelandlady?”

“justnow…halfanhourago,ilyapetrovitch,theassistantsuperintendent,onthestairs.…whywasheill-treatingherlikethat,and…whywashehere?”

nastasyascrutinisedhim,silentandfrowning,andherscrutinylastedalongtime.hefeltuneasy,evenfrightenedathersearchingeyes.

“nastasya,whydon’tyouspeak?”hesaidtimidlyatlastinaweakvoice.

“it’stheblood,”sheansweredatlastsoftly,asthoughspeakingtoherself.

“blood?whatblood?”hemuttered,growingwhiteandturningtowardsthewall.

nastasyastilllookedathimwithoutspeaking.

“nobodyhasbeenbeatingthelandlady,”shedeclaredatlastinafirm,resolutevoice.

hegazedather,hardlyabletobreathe.

“ihearditmyself.…iwasnotasleep…iwassittingup,”hesaidstillmoretimidly.“ilistenedalongwhile.theassistantsuperintendentcame.…everyoneranoutontothestairsfromalltheflats.”

“noonehasbeenhere.that’sthebloodcryinginyourears.whenthere’snooutletforitanditgetsclotted,youbeginfancyingthings.…willyoueatsomething?”

hemadenoanswer.nastasyastillstoodoverhim,watchinghim.

“givemesomethingtodrink…nastasya.”

shewentdownstairsandreturnedwithawhiteearthenwarejugofwater.herememberedonlyswallowingonesipofthecoldwaterandspillingsomeonhisneck.thenfollowedforgetfulness.