第50章

第50章“no,no.whyshouldwetroubleyou?youareamanofjudgment.…now,rodya,don’tkeepyourvisitor,youseeheiswaiting,”andhemadereadytoholdraskolnikov’shandinearnest.

“stop,i’lldoitalone,”saidthelatter,takingthepenandsigninghisname.

themessengertookoutthemoneyandwentaway.

“bravo!andnow,brother,areyouhungry?”

“yes,”answeredraskolnikov.

“isthereanysoup?”

“someofyesterday’s,”answerednastasya,whowasstillstandingthere.

“withpotatoesandriceinit?”

“yes.”

“iknowitbyheart.bringsoupandgiveussometea.”

“verywell.”

raskolnikovlookedatallthiswithprofoundastonishmentandadull,unreasoningterror.hemadeuphismindtokeepquietandseewhatwouldhappen.“ibelieveiamnotwandering.ibelieveit’sreality,”hethought.

inacoupleofminutesnastasyareturnedwiththesoup,andannouncedthattheteawouldbereadydirectly.withthesoupshebroughttwospoons,twoplates,salt,pepper,mustardforthebeef,andsoon.thetablewassetasithadnotbeenforalongtime.theclothwasclean.

“itwouldnotbeamiss,nastasya,ifpraskovyapavlovnaweretosendusupacoupleofbottlesofbeer.wecouldemptythem.”

“well,youareacoolhand,”mutterednastasya,andshedepartedtocarryouthisorders.

raskolnikovstillgazedwildlywithstrainedattention.meanwhilerazumihinsatdownonthesofabesidehim,asclumsilyasabearputhisleftarmroundraskolnikov’shead,althoughhewasabletositup,andwithhisrighthandgavehimaspoonfulofsoup,blowingonitthatitmightnotburnhim.butthesoupwasonlyjustwarm.raskolnikovswallowedonespoonfulgreedily,thenasecond,thenathird.butaftergivinghimafewmorespoonfulsofsoup,razumihinsuddenlystopped,andsaidthathemustaskzossimovwhetherheoughttohavemore.

nastasyacameinwithtwobottlesofbeer.

“andwillyouhavetea?”

“yes.”

“cutalong,nastasya,andbringsometea,forteawemayventureonwithoutthefaculty.buthereisthebeer!”hemovedbacktohischair,pulledthesoupandmeatinfrontofhim,andbeganeatingasthoughhehadnottouchedfoodforthreedays.

“imusttellyou,rodya,idinelikethishereeverydaynow,”hemumbledwithhismouthfullofbeef,“andit’sallpashenka,yourdearlittlelandlady,whoseestothat;shelovestodoanythingforme.idon’taskforit,but,ofcourse,idon’tobject.andhere’snastasyawiththetea.sheisaquickgirl.nastasya,mydear,won’tyouhavesomebeer?”

“getalongwithyournonsense!”

“acupoftea,then?”

“acupoftea,maybe.”

“pouritout.stay,i’llpouritoutmyself.sitdown.”

hepouredouttwocups,lefthisdinner,andsatonthesofaagain.asbefore,heputhisleftarmroundthesickman’shead,raisedhimupandgavehimteainspoonfuls,againblowingeachspoonfulsteadilyandearnestly,asthoughthisprocesswastheprincipalandmosteffectivemeanstowardshisfriend’srecovery.raskolnikovsaidnothingandmadenoresistance,thoughhefeltquitestrongenoughtosituponthesofawithoutsupportandcouldnotmerelyhaveheldacuporaspoon,butevenperhapscouldhavewalkedabout.butfromsomequeer,almostanimal,cunningheconceivedtheideaofhidinghisstrengthandlyinglowforatime,pretendingifnecessarynottobeyetinfullpossessionofhisfaculties,andmeanwhilelisteningtofindoutwhatwasgoingon.yethecouldnotovercomehissenseofrepugnance.aftersippingadozenspoonfulsoftea,hesuddenlyreleasedhishead,pushedthespoonawaycapriciously,andsankbackonthepillow.therewereactuallyrealpillowsunderhisheadnow,downpillowsincleancases,heobservedthat,too,andtooknoteofit.

“pashenkamustgiveussomeraspberryjamto-daytomakehimsomeraspberrytea,”saidrazumihin,goingbacktohischairandattackinghissoupandbeeragain.

“andwhereisshetogetraspberriesforyou?”askednastasya,balancingasauceronherfiveoutspreadfingersandsippingteathroughalumpofsugar.

“she’llgetitattheshop,mydear.yousee,rodya,allsortsofthingshavebeenhappeningwhileyouhavebeenlaidup.whenyoudecampedinthatrascallywaywithoutleavingyouraddress,ifeltsoangrythatiresolvedtofindyououtandpunishyou.isettoworkthatveryday.howiranaboutmakinginquiriesforyou!thislodgingofyoursihadforgotten,thoughineverrememberedit,indeed,becauseididnotknowit;andasforyouroldlodgings,icouldonlyrememberitwasatthefivecorners,harlamov’shouse.ikepttryingtofindthatharlamov’shouse,andafterwardsitturnedoutthatitwasnotharlamov’s,butbuch’s.howonemuddlesupsoundsometimes!soilostmytemper,andiwentonthechancetotheaddressbureaunextday,andonlyfancy,intwominutestheylookedyouup!yournameisdownthere.”

“myname!”

“ishouldthinkso;andyetageneralkobelevtheycouldnotfindwhileiwasthere.well,it’salongstory.butassoonasididlandonthisplace,isoongottoknowallyouraffairs—all,all,brother,iknoweverything;nastasyaherewilltellyou.imadetheacquaintanceofnikodimfomitchandilyapetrovitch,andthehouse-porterandmr.zametov,alexandrgrigorievitch,theheadclerkinthepoliceoffice,and,last,butnotleast,ofpashenka;nastasyahereknows.…”

“he’sgotroundher,”nastasyamurmured,smilingslyly.

“whydon’tyouputthesugarinyourtea,nastasyanikiforovna?”

“youareaone!”nastasyacriedsuddenly,goingoffintoale.“iamnotnikiforovna,butpetrovna,”sheaddedsuddenly,recoveringfromhermirth.

“i’llmakeanoteofit.well,brother,tomakealongstoryshort,iwasgoinginforaregularexplosionheretouprootallmalignantinfluencesinthelocality,butpashenkawontheday.ihadnotexpected,brother,tofindherso…prepossessing.eh,whatdoyouthink?”

raskolnikovdidnotspeak,buthestillkepthiseyesfixeduponhim,fullofalarm.