CHAPTER18

itislikeamerry-go-round,robertjordanthought.notamerry-goroundthattravelsfast,andwithacalliopeformusic,andthechildrenrideoncowswithgildedhorns,andthereareringstocatchwithsticks,andthereistheblue,gas-flare-litearlydarkoftheavenuedumaine,withfriedfishsoldfromthenextstall,andawheeloffortuneturningwiththeleatherflapsslappingagainstthepostsofthenumberedcompartments,andthepackagesoflumpsugarpiledinpyramidsforprizes.no,itisnotthatkindofamerrygo-round;althoughthepeoplearewaiting,likethemenincapsandthewomeninknittedsweaters,theirheadsbareinthegaslightandtheirhairshining,whostandinfrontofthewheeloffortuneasitspins.yes,thosearethepeople.butthisisanotherwheel.thisislikeawheelthatgoesupandaround.

ithasbeenaroundtwicenow.itisavastwheel,setatanangle,andeachtimeitgoesaroundandthenisbacktowhereitstarts.onesideishigherthantheotherandthesweepitmakesliftsyoubackanddowntowhereyoustarted.therearenoprizeseither,hethought,andnoonewouldchoosetoridethiswheel.yourideiteachtimeandmaketheturnwithnointentionevertohavemounted.thereisonlyoneturn;onelarge,elliptical,risingandfallingturnandyouarebackwhereyouhavestarted.wearebackagainnow,hethought,andnothingissettled.

itwaswarminthecaveandthewindhaddroppedoutside.nowhewassittingatthetablewithhisnotebookinfrontofhimfiguringallthetechnicalpartofthebridgeblowing.hedrewthreesketches,figuredhisformulas,markedthemethodofblowingwithtwodrawingsasclearlyasakindergartenprojectsothatanselmocouldcompleteitincaseanythingshouldhappentohimselfduringtheprocessofthedemolition.hefinishedthesesketchesandstudiedthem.

mariasatbesidehimandlookedoverhisshoulderwhileheworked.hewasconsciousofpabloacrossthetableandoftheotherstalkingandplayingcardsandhesmelledtheodorsofthecavewhichhadchangednowfromthoseofthemealandthecookingtothefiresmokeandmansmell,theo,red-wineandbrassy,stalebodysmell,andwhenmaria,watchinghimfinishingadrawing,putherhandonthetablehepickeditupwithhislefthandandliftedittohisfaceandsmelledthecoarsesoapandwaterfreshnessfromherwashingofthedishes.helaidherhanddownwithoutlookingatherandwentonworkingandhecouldnotseeherblush.sheletherhandliethere,closetohis,buthedidnotliftitagain.

nowhehadfinishedthedemolitionprojectandhetookanewpageofthenotebookandcommencedtowriteouttheoperationorders.hewasthinkingclearlyandwellontheseandwhathewrotepleasedhim.hewrotetwopagesinthenotebookandreadthemovercarefully.

ithinkthatisall,hesaidtohimself.itisperfectlyclearandidonotthinkthereareanyholesinit.thetwopostswillbedestroyedandthebridgewillbeblownaccordingtogolz’sordersandthatisallofmyresponsibility.allofthisbusinessofpabloissomethingwithwhichishouldneverhavebeensaddledanditwillbesolvedonewayoranother.therewillbepabloortherewillbenopablo.icarenothingaboutiteitherway.butiamnotgoingtogetonthatwheelagain.twiceihavebeenonthatwheelandtwiceithasgonearoundandcomebacktowhereitstartedandiamtakingnomoreridesonit.

heshutthenotebookandlookedupatmaria.“hola,guapa,”hesaidtoher.“didyoumakeanythingoutofallthat?”“no,roberto,”thegirlsaidandputherhandonhishandthatstillheldthepencil.“haveyoufinished?”

“yes.nowitisallwrittenoutandordered.”

“whathaveyoubeendoing,inglé?”pabloaskedfromacrossthetable.hiseyeswereblearyagain.

robertjordanlookedathimclosely.stayoffthatwheel,hesaidtohimself.don’tsteponthatwheel.ithinkitisgoingtostarttoswingagain.

“workingontheproblemofthebridge,”hesaidcivilly.

“howisit?”askedpablo.

“verygood,”robertjordansaid.“allverygood.”

“ihavebeenworkingontheproblemoftheretreat,”pablosaidandrobertjordanlookedathisdrunkenpigeyesandatthewinebowl.thewinebowlwasnearlyempty.

keepoffthewheel,hetoldhimself.heisdrinkingagain.sure.butdon’tyougetonthatwheelnow.wasn’tgrantsupposedtobedrunkagoodpartofthetimeduringthecivilwar?certainlyhewas.i’llbetgrantwouldbefuriousatthecomparisonifhecouldseepablo.grantwasacigarsmoker,too.well,hewouldhavetoseeaboutgettingpabloacigar.thatwaswhatthatfacereallyneededtocompleteit;ahalfchewedcigar.wherecouldhegetpabloacigar?

“howdoesitgo?”robertjordanaskedpolitely.

“verywell,”pablosaidandnoddedhisheadheavilyandjudiciously.“muybien.”

“you’vethoughtupsomething?”agustinaskedfromwheretheywereplayingcards.

“yes,”pablosaid.“variousthings.”

“wheredidyoufindthem?inthatbowl?”agustindemanded.

“perhaps,”pablosaid.“whoknows?maria,fillthebowl,willyou,please?”

“inthewineskinitselfthereshouldbesomefineideas,”agustinturnedbacktothecardgame.“whydon’tyoucrawlinandlookfortheminsidetheskin?”

“nay,”saidpabloequably.“isearchfortheminthebowl.”

heisnotgettingonthewheeleither,robertjordanthought.itmustberevolvingbyitself.isupposeyoucannotridethatwheeltoolong.thatisprobablyquiteadeadlywheel.i’mgladweareoffofit.itwasmakingmedizzythereacoupleoftimes.butitisthethingthatdrunkardsandthosewhoaretrulymeanorcruelrideuntiltheydie.itgoesaroundandupandtheswingisneverquitethesameandthenitcomesarounddown.letitswing,hethought.theywillnotgetmeontoitagain.nosir,generalgrant,iamoffthatwheel.

pilarwassittingbythefire,herchairturnedsothatshecouldseeovertheshouldersofthetwocardplayerswhohadtheirbackstoher.shewaswatchingthegame.

hereitistheshiftfromdeadlinesstonormalfamilylifethatisthestrangest,robertjordanthought.itiswhenthedamnedwheelcomesdownthatitgetsyou.butiamoffthatwheel,hethought.andnobodyisgoingtogetmeontoitagain.

twodaysagoineverknewthatpilar,pablonortherestexisted,hethought.therewasnosuchthingasmariaintheworld.itwascertainlyamuchsimplerworld.ihadinstructionsfromgolzthatwereperfectlyclearandseemedperfectlypossibletocarryoutalthoughtheypresentedcertaindifficultiesandinvolvedcertainconsequences.afterweblewthebridgeiexpectedeithertogetbacktothelinesornotgetbackandifwegotbackiwasgoingtoaskforsometimeinmadrid.noonehasanyleaveinthiswarbutiamsureicouldgettwoorthreedaysinmadrid.

inmadridiwantedtobuysomebooks,togotothefloridahotelandgetaroomandtohaveahotbath,hethought.iwasgoingtosendluistheporteroutforabottleofabsintheifhecouldlocateoneatthemantequeriasleonesasoratanyoftheplacesoffthegranviaandiwasgoingtolieinbedandreadafterthebathanddrinkacoupleofabsinthesandtheniwasgoingtocallupgaylord’sandseeificouldcomeupthereandeat.

hedidnotwanttoeatatthegranviabecausethefoodwasnogoodreallyandyouhadtogetthereontimeorwhatevertherewasofitwouldbegone.alsothereweretoomanynewspapermenthereheknewandhedidnotwanttohavetokeephismouthshut.hewantedtodrinktheabsinthesandtofeelliketalkingandthengouptogaylord’sandeatwithkarkov,wheretheyhadgoodfoodandrealbeer,andfindoutwhatwasgoingoninthewar.

hehadnotlikedgaylord’s,thehotelinmadridtherussianshadtakenoverwhenhefirstwenttherebecauseitseemedtooluxuriousandthefoodwastoogoodforabesiegedcityandthetalktoocynicalforawar.buticorruptedveryeasily,hethought.whyshouldyounothaveasgoodfoodascouldbeorganizedwhenyoucamebackfromsomethinglikethis?andthetalkthathehadthoughtofascynicismwhenhehadfirstheardithadturnedouttobemuchtootrue.thiswillbesomethingtotellatgaylord’s,hethought,whenthisisover.yes,whenthisisover.

couldyoutakemariatogaylord’s?no.youcouldn’t.butyoucouldleaveherinthehotelandshecouldtakeahotbathandbetherewhenyoucamebackfromgaylord’s.yes,youcoulddothatandafteryouhadtoldkarkovabouther,youcouldbringherlaterbecausetheywouldbecuriousaboutherandwanttoseeher.

maybeyouwouldn’tgotogaylord’satall.youcouldeatearlyatthegranviaandhurrybacktotheflorida.butyouknewyouwouldgotogaylord’sbecauseyouwantedtoseeallthatagain;youwantedtoeatthatfoodagainandyouwantedtoseeallthecomfortofitandtheluxuryofitafterthis.thenyouwouldcomebacktothefloridaandtheremariawouldbe.sure,shewouldbethereafterthiswasover.afterthiswasover.yes,afterthiswasover.ifhedidthiswellhewouldrateamealatgaylord’s.

gaylord’swastheplacewhereyoumetfamouspeasantandworkerspanishcommanderswhohadsprungtoarmsfromthepeopleatthestartofthewarwithoutanypreviousmilitarytrainingandfoundthatmanyofthemspokerussian.thathadbeenthefirstbigdisillusiontohimafewmonthsbackandhehadstartedtobecynicaltohimselfaboutit.butwhenherealizedhowithappeneditwasallright.they"were"peasantsandworkers.theyhadbeenactiveinthe1934revolutionandhadtofleethecountrywhenitfailedandinrussiatheyhadsentthemtothemilitaryacademyandtothelenininstitutethecominternmaintainedsotheywouldbereadytofightthenexttimeandhavethenecessarymilitaryeducationtocommand.

thecominternhadeducatedthemthere.inarevolutionyoucouldnotadmittooutsiderswhohelpedyounorthatanyoneknewmorethanhewassupposedtoknow.hehadlearnedthat.ifathingwasrightfundamentallythelyingwasnotsupposedtomatter.therewasalotoflyingthough.hedidnotcareforthelyingatfirst.hehatedit.thenlaterhehadcometolikeit.itwaspartofbeinganinsiderbutitwasaverycorruptingbusiness.

itwasatgaylord’sthatyoulearnedthatvalentingonzalez,calledelcampesinoorthepeasant,hadneverbeenapeasantbutwasanex-sergeantinthespanishforeignlegionwhohaddesertedandfoughtwithabdelkrim.thatwasallright,too.whyshouldn’thebe?youhadtohavethesepeasantleadersquicklyinthissortofwarandarealpeasantleadermightbealittletoomuchlikepablo.youcouldn’twaitfortherealpeasantleadertoarriveandhemighthavetoomanypeasantcharacteristicswhenhedid.soyouhadtomanufactureone.atthat,fromwhathehadseenofcampesino,withhisblackbeard,histhicknegroidlips,andhisfeverish,staringeyes,hethoughthemightgivealmostasmuchtroubleasarealpeasantleader.thelasttimehehadseenhimheseemedtohavegottentobelievehisownpublicityandthinkhewasapeasant.hewasabrave,toughman;nobraverintheworld.butgod,howhetalkedtoomuch.andwhenhewasexcitedhewouldsayanythingnomatterwhattheconsequencesofhisindiscretion.andthoseconsequenceshadbeenmanyalready.hewasawonderfulbrigadecommanderthoughinasituationwhereitlookedasthougheverythingwaslost.heneverknewwheneverythingwaslostandifitwas,hewouldfightoutofit.

atgaylord’s,too,youmetthesimplestonemason,enriquelisterfromgalicia,whonowcommandedadivisionandwhotalkedrussian,too.andyoumetthecabinetworker,juanmodestofromandaluciawhohadjustbeengivenanarmycorps.heneverlearnedhisrussianinpuertodesantamariaalthoughhemighthaveiftheyhadaberlitzschooltherethatthecabinetmakerswentto.hewasthemosttrustedoftheyoungsoldiersbytherussiansbecausehewasatruepartyman,“ahundredpercent”theysaid,proudtousetheamericanism.hewasmuchmoreintelligentthanlisterorelcampesino.

sure,gaylord’swastheplaceyouneededtocompleteyoureducation.itwasthereyoulearnedhowitwasallreallydoneinsteadofhowitwassupposedtobedone.hehadonlystartedhiseducation,hethought.hewonderedwhetherhewouldcontinuewithitlong.gaylord’swasgoodandsoundandwhatheneeded.atthestartwhenhehadstillbelievedallthenonsenseithadcomeasashocktohim.butnowheknewenoughtoacceptthenecessityforallthedeceptionandwhathelearnedatgaylord’sonlystrengthenedhiminhisbeliefinthethingsthathedidholdtobetrue.helikedtoknowhowitreallywas;nothowitwassupposedtobe.therewasalwayslyinginawar.butthetruthoflister,modesto,andelcampesinowasmuchbetterthantheliesandlegends.well,somedaytheywouldtellthetruthtoeveryoneandmeantimehewasgladtherewasagaylord’sforhisownlearningofit.

yes,thatwaswherehewouldgoinmadridafterhehadboughtthebooksandafterhehadlaininthehotbathandhadacoupleofdrinksandhadreadawhile.butthatwasbeforemariahadcomeintoallthisthathehadthatplan.allright.theywouldhavetworoomsandshecoulddowhatshelikedwhilehewentupthereandhe’dcomebackfromgaylord’stoher.shehadwaitedupinthehillsallthistime.shecouldwaitalittlewhileatthehotelflorida.theywouldhavethreedaysinmadrid.threedayscouldbealongtime.he’dtakehertoseethemarxbrothersattheopera.thathadbeenrunningforthreemonthsnowandwouldcertainlybegoodforthreemonthsmore.she’dlikethemarxbrothersattheopera,hethought.she’dlikethatverymuch.

itwasalongwayfromgaylord’stothiscavethough.no,thatwasnotthelongway.thelongwaywasgoingtobefromthiscavetogaylord’s.kashkinhadtakenhimtherefirstandhehadnotlikedit.kashkinhadsaidheshouldmeetkarkovbecausekarkovwantedtoknowamericansandbecausehewasthegreatestloveroflopedevegaintheworldandthought“fuenteovejuna”wasthegreatestplayeverwritten.maybeitwasatthat,buthe,robertjordan,didnotthinkso.

hehadlikedkarkovbutnottheplace.karkovwasthemostintelligentmanhehadevermet.wearingblackridingboots,graybreeches,andagraytunic,withtinyhandsandfeet,puffilyfragileoffaceandbody,withaspittingwayoftalkingthroughhisbadteeth,helookedcomicwhenrobertjordanfirstsawhim.buthehadmorebrainsandmoreinnerdignityandouterinsolenceandhumorthananymanthathehadeverknown.

gaylord’sitselfhadseemedindecentlyluxuriousandcorrupt.butwhyshouldn’ttherepresentativesofapowerthatgovernedasixthoftheworldhaveafewcomforts?well,theyhadthemandrobertjordanhadatfirstbeenrepelledbythewholebusinessandthenhadaccepteditandenjoyedit.kashkinhadmadehimouttobeahellofafellowandkarkovhadatfirstbeeninsultinglypoliteandthen,whenrobertjordanhadnotplayedatbeingaherobuthadtoldastorythatwasreallyfunnyandobscenelydiscreditabletohimself,karkovhadshiftedfromthepolitenesstoarelievedrudenessandthentoinsolenceandtheyhadbecomefriends.

kashkinhadonlybeentoleratedthere.therewassomethingwrongwithkashkinevidentlyandhewasworkingitoutinspain.theywouldnottellhimwhatitwasbutmaybetheywouldnowthathewasdead.anyway,heandkarkovhadbecomefriendsandhehadbecomefriendstoowiththeincrediblythin,drawn,dark,loving,nervous,deprivedandunbitterwomanwithalean,neglectedbodyanddark,gray-streakedhaircutshortwhowaskarkov’swifeandwhoservedasaninterpreterwiththetankcorps.hewasafriendtooofkarkov’smistress,whohadcat-eyes,reddishgoldhair(sometimesmorered;sometimesmoregold,dependingonthecoiffeurs),alazysensualbody(madetofitwellagainstotherbodies),amouthmadetofitothermouths,andastupid,ambitiousandutterlyloyalmind.thismistresslovedgossipandenjoyedaperiodicallycontrolledpromiscuitywhichseemedonlytoamusekarkov.karkovwassupposedtohaveanotherwifesomewherebesidesthetank-corpsone,maybetwomore,butnobodywasverysureaboutthat.robertjordanlikedboththewifeheknewandthemistress.hethoughthewouldprobablyliketheotherwife,too,ifheknewher,iftherewasone.karkovhadgoodtasteinwomen.

thereweresentrieswithbayonetsdownstairsoutsidetheportecochereatgaylord’sandtonightitwouldbethepleasantestandmostcomfortableplaceinallofbesiegedmadrid.hewouldliketobetheretonightinsteadofhere.thoughitwasallrighthere,nowtheyhadstoppedthatwheel.andthesnowwasstoppingtoo.

hewouldliketoshowhismariatokarkovbuthecouldnottakeherthereunlessheaskedfirstandhewouldhavetoseehowhewasreceivedafterthistrip.golzwouldbethereafterthisattackwasoverandifhehaddonewelltheywouldallknowitfromgolz.golzwouldmakefunofhim,too,aboutmaria.afterwhathe’dsaidtohimaboutnogirls.

hereachedovertothebowlinfrontofpabloanddippedupacupofwine.“withyourpermission,”hesaid.

pablonodded.heisengagedinhismilitarystudies,iimagine,robertjordanthought.notseekingthebubblereputationinthecannon’smouthbutseekingthesolutiontotheprobleminyonderbowl.butyouknowthebastardmustbefairlyabletohaverunthisbandessfullyforaslongashedid.lookingatpablohewonderedwhatsortofguerillaleaderhewouldhavebeenintheamericancivilwar.therewerelotsofthem,hethought.butweknowverylittleaboutthem.notthequantrills,northemosbys,norhisowngrandfatheibutthelittleones,thebushwhackers.andaboutthedrinking.doyousupposegrantreallywasadrunk?hisgrandfatheralwaysclaimedhewas.thathewasalwaysalittledrunkbyfouro’clockintheafternoonandthatbeforevicksburgsometimesduringthesiegehewasverydrunkforacoupleofdays.butgrandfatherclaimedthathefunctionedperfectlynormallynomatterhowmuchhedrankexceptthatsometimesitwasveryhardtowakehim.butifyoucouldwakehimhewasnormal.

therewasn’tanygrant,noranyshermannoranystonewalljacksononeithersidesofarinthiswar.no.noranyjebstuarteither.noranysheridan.itwasoverrunwithmcclellansthough.thefascistshadplentyofmcclellansandwehadatleastthreeofthem.

hehadcertainlynotseenanymilitarygeniusesinthiswar.notaone.noranythingresemblingone.kleber,lucasz,andhanshaddoneafinejoboftheirshareinthedefenseofmadridwiththeinternationalbrigadesandthentheoldbald,spectacled,conceited,stupid-as-an-owl,unintelligent-in-conversation,brave-and-as-dumb-asa-bull,propaganda-build-updefenderofmadrid,miaja,hadbeensojealousofthepublicitykleberreceivedthathehadforcedtherussianstorelievekieberofhiscommandandsendhimtovalencia.kieberwasagoodsoldier;butlimitedandhedidtalktoomuchforthejobhehad.golzwasagoodgeneralandafinesoldierbuttheyalwayskepthiminasubordinatepositionandnevergavehimafreehand.thisattackwasgoingtobehisestshowsofarandrobertjordandidnotliketoomuchwhathehadheardabouttheattack.thentherewasgall,thehungarian,whooughttobeshotifyoucouldbelievehalfyouheardatgaylord’s.makeitifyoucanbelievetenpercentofwhatyouhearatgaylord’s,robertjordanthought.

hewishedthathehadseenthefightingontheplateaubeyondguadalajarawhentheybeattheitalians.buthehadbeendowninestremadurathen.hanshadtoldhimaboutitonenightingaylord’stwoweeksagoandmadehimseeitall.therewasonemomentwhenitwasreallylostwhentheitalianshadbrokenthelineneartrijuequeandthetwelfthbrigadewouldhavebeencutoffifthetorija-brihuegaroadhadbeencut.“butknowingtheywereitalians,”hanshadsaid,“weattemptedtomanoeuvrewhichwouldhavebeenunjustifiableagainstothertroops.anditwasessful.”

hanshadshownitalltohimonhismapsofthebattle.hanscarriedthemaroundwithhiminhismapcaseallthetimeandstillseemedmarvelledandhappyatthemiracleofit.hanswasafinesoldierandagoodcompanion.lister’sandmodesto’sandcampesino’sspanishtroopshadallfoughtwellinthatbattle,hanshadtoldhim,andthatwastobecreditedtotheirleadersandtothedisciplinetheyenforced.butlisterandcampesinoandmodestohadbeentoldmanyofthemovestheyshouldmakebytheirrussianmilitaryadvisers.theywerelikestudentsflyingamachinewithdualcontrolswhichthepilotcouldtakeoverwhenevertheymadeamistake.well,thisyearwouldshowhowmuchandhowwelltheylearned.afterawhiletherewouldnotbedualcontrolsandthenwewouldseehowwelltheyhandleddivisionsandarmycorpsalone.