CHAPTER15

anselmowascrouchedintheleeofthetrunkofabigtreeandthesnowblewpastoneitherside.hewaspressedcloseagainstthetreeandhishandswereinsideofthesleevesofhisjacket,eachhandshovedupintotheoppositesleeve,andhisheadwaspulledasfardownintothejacketasitwouldgo.ifistayheremuchlongeriwillfreeze,hethought,andthatwillbeofnovalue.theinglétoldmetostayuntiliwasrelievedbuthedidnotknowthenaboutthisstorm.therehasbeennoabnormalmovementontheroadandiknowthedispositionsandthehabitsofthispostatthesawmillacrosstheroad.ishouldgonowtothecamp.anybodywithsensewouldbeexpectingmetoreturntothecamp.iwillstayalittlelonger,hethought,andthengotothecamp.itisthefaultoftheorders,whicharetoorigid.thereisnoallowanceforachangeincircumstance.herubbedhisfeettogetherandthentookhishandsoutofthejacketsleevesandbentoverandrubbedhislegswiththemandpattedhisfeettogethertokeepthecirculationgoing.itwaslesscoldthere,outofthewindintheshelterofthetree,buthewouldhavetostartwalkingshortly.

ashecrouched,rubbinghisfeet,heheardamotorcarontheroad.ithadonchainsandonelinkofchainwasslappingand,ashewatched,itcameupthesnow-coveredroad,greenandbrownpainted,inbrokenpatchesofdaubedcolor,thewindowsbluedoversothatyoucouldnotseein,withonlyahalfcircleleftclearinthebluefortheoccupantstolookoutthrough.itwasatwo-year-oldrolls-roycetowncarcamouflagedfortheuseofthegeneralstaffbutanselmodidnotknowthat.hecouldnotseeintothecarwherethreeofficerssatwrappedintheircapes.twowereonthebackseatandonesatonthefoldingchair.theofficeronthefoldingchairwaslookingoutoftheslitintheblueofthewindowasthecarpassedbutanselmodidnotknowthis.neitherofthemsawtheother.

thecarpassedinthesnowdirectlybelowhim.anselmosawthechauffeur,redfacedandsteel-helmeted,hisfaceandhelmetprojectingoutoftheblanketcapeheworeandhesawtheforwardjutoftheautomaticrifletheorderlywhosatbesidethechauffeurcarried.thenthecarwasgoneuptheroadandanselmoreachedintotheinsideofhisjacketandtookoutfromhisshirtpocketthetwosheetstornfromrobertjordan’snotebookandmadeamarkafterthedrawingofamotorcar.itwasthetenthcarupfortheday.sixhadcomedown.fourwerestillup.itwasnotanunusualamountofcarstomoveuponthatroadbutanselmodidnotdistinguishbetweenthefords,fiats,opels,renaults,andcitroensofthestaffofthedivisionthatheldthepassesandthelineofthemountainandtherolls-royces,lancias,mercedes,andisottasofthegeneralstaff.thiswasthesortofdistinctionthatrobertjordanshouldhavemadeand,ifhehadbeenthereinsteadoftheoldman,hewouldhaveappreciatedthesignificanceofthesecarswhichhadgoneup.buthewasnotthereandtheoldmansimplymadeamarkforamotorcargoinguptheroad,onthesheetofnotepaper.

anselmowasnowsocoldthathedecidedhehadbestgotocampbeforeitwasdark.hehadnofearofmissingtheway,buthethoughtitwasuselesstostaylongerandthewindwasblowingcolderallthetimeandtherewasnolesseningofthesnow.butwhenhestoodupandstampedhisfeetandlookedthroughthedrivingsnowattheroadhedidnotstartoffupthehillsidebutstayedleaningagainsttheshelteredsideofthepinetree.

theinglétoldmetostay,hethought.evennowhemaybeonthewayhereand,ifileavethisplace,hemaylosehimselfinthesnowsearchingforme.allthroughthiswarwehavesufferedfromalackofdisciplineandfromthedisobeyingofordersandiwillwaitawhilestillfortheinglé.butifhedoesnotcomesoonimustgoinspiteofallordersforihaveareporttomakenow,andihavemuchtodointhesedays,andtofreezehereisanerationandwithoututility.

acrosstheroadatthesawmillsmokewascomingoutofthechimneyandanselmocouldsmellitblowntowardhimthroughthesnow.thefascistsarewarm,hethought,andtheyarecomfortable,andtomorrownightwewillkillthem.itisastrangethingandidonotliketothinkofit.ihavewatchedthemalldayandtheyarethesamementhatweare.ibelievethaticouldwalkuptothemillandknockonthedoorandiwouldbewelcomeexceptthattheyhaveorderstochallengealltravellersandasktoseetheirpapers.itisonlyordersthatcomebetweenus.thosemenarenotfascists.icallthemso,buttheyarenot.theyarepoormenasweare.theyshouldneverbefightingagainstusandidonotliketothinkofthekilling.

theseatthispostaregallegos.iknowthatfromhearingthemtalkthisafternoon.theycannotdesertbecauseiftheydotheirfamilieswillbeshot.gallegosareeitherveryintelligentorverydumbandbrutal.ihaveknownbothkinds.listerisagallegofromthesametownasfranco.iwonderwhatthesegallegosthinkofthissnownowatthistimeofyear.theyhavenohighmountainssuchastheseandintheircountryitalwaysrainsanditisalwaysgreen.

alightshowedinthewindowofthesawmillandanselmoshiveredandthought,damnthatinglé!therearethegallegoswarmandinahousehereinourcountry,andiamfreezingbehindatreeandweliveinaholeintherockslikebeastsinthemountain.buttomorrow,hethought,thebeastswillcomeoutoftheirholeandthesethatarenowsocomfortablewilldiewarmintheirblankets.asthosediedinthenightwhenweraidedotero,hethought.hedidnotliketorememberotero.

inotero,thatnight,waswhenhefirstkilledandhehopedhewouldnothavetokillinthisofthesuppressingoftheseposts.itwasinoterothatpabloknifedthesentrywhenanselmopulledtheblanketoverhisheadandthesentrycaughtanselmo’sfootandheldit,smotheredashewasintheblanket,andmadeacryingnoiseintheblanketandanselmohadtofeelintheblanketandknifehimuntilheletgoofthefootandwasstill.hehadhiskneeacrosstheman’sthroattokeephimsilentandhewasknifingintothebundlewhenpablotossedthebombthroughthewindowintotheroomwherethemenofthepostwereallsleeping.andwhentheflashcameitwasasthoughthewholeworldburstredandyellowbeforeyoureyesandtwomorebombswereinalready.pablohadpulledthepinsandtossedthemquicklythroughthewindow,andthosewhowerenotkilledintheirbedswerekilledastheyrosefrombedwhenthesecondbombexploded.thatwasinthegreatdaysofpablowhenhescourgedthecountrylikeatartarandnofascistpostwassafeatnight.

andnow,heisasfinishedandasendedasaboarthathasbeenaltered,anselmothought,and,whenthealteringhasbeenaccomplishedandthesquealingisoveryoucastthetwostonesawayandtheboar,thatisaboarnolonger,goessnoutingandrootinguptothemandeatsthem.no,heisnotthatbad,anselmogrinned,onecanthinktoobadlyevenofpablo.butheisuglyenoughandchangedenough.

itistoocold,hethought.thattheingléshouldcomeandthatishouldnothavetokillinthisoftheposts.thesefourgallegosandtheircorporalareforthosewholikethekilling.theinglésaidthat.iwilldoitifitismydutybuttheinglésaidthatiwouldbewithhimatthebridgeandthatthiswouldbelefttoothers.atthebridgetherewillbeabattleand,ifiamabletoendurethebattle,theniwillhavedoneallthatanoldmanmaydointhiswar.butlettheinglécomenow,foriamcoldandtoseethelightinthemillwhereiknowthatthegallegosarewarmmakesmecolderstill.iwishthatiwereinmyownhouseagainandthatthiswarwereover.butyouhavenohousenow,hethought.wemustwinthiswarbeforeyoucaneverreturntoyourhouse.

insidethesawmilloneofthesoldierswassittingonhisbunkandgreasinghisboots.anotherlayinhisbunksleeping.thethirdwascookingandthecorporalwasreadingapaper.theirhelmetshungonnailsdrivenintothewallandtheirriflesleanedagainsttheplankwall.

“whatkindofcountryisthiswhereitsnowswhenitisalmostjune?”thesoldierwhowassittingonthebunksaid.

“itisaphenomenon,”thecorporalsaid.

“weareinthemoonofmay,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.“themoonofmayhasnotyetterminated.”“whatkindofacountryisitwhereitsnowsinmay?”thesoldieronthebunkinsisted.

“inmaysnowisnorarityinthesemountains,”thecorporalsaid.“ihavebeencolderinmadridinthemonthofmaythaninanyothermonth.”

“andhotter,too,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.

“mayisamonthofgreatcontrastsintemperature,”thecorporalsaid.“here,incastile,mayisamonthofgreatheatbutitcanhavemuchcold.”

“orrain,”thesoldieronthebunksaid.“inthispastmayitrainedalmosteveryday.”

“itdidnot,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.“andanywaythispastmaywasthemoonofapril.”

“onecouldgocrazylisteningtotheeandthymoons,”thecorporalsaid.“leavethisofthemoonsalone.”

“anyonewholiveseitherbytheseaorbythelandknowsthatitisthemoonandnotthemonthwhichcounts,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.“nowforexample,wehavejuststartedthemoonofmay.yetitiscomingonjune.”

“whythendowenotgetdefinitelybehindintheseasons?”thecorporalsaid.“thewholepropositiongivesmeaheadache.”

“youarefromatown,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.“youarefromlugo.whatwouldyouknowoftheseaoroftheland?”

“onelearnsmoreinatownthanyouanalfabetoslearninthyseaorthyland.”

“inthismoonthefirstofthebigschoolsofsardinescome,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.“inthismoonthesardineboatswillbeoutfittingandthemackerelwillhavegonenorth.”

“whyareyounotinthenavyifyoucomefromnoya?”thecorporalasked.

“becauseiamnotinscribedfromnoyabutfromnegreira,whereiwasborn.andfromnegreira,whichisuptherivertambre,theytakeyouforthearmy.”

“worseluck,”saidthecorporal.

“donotthinkthenavyiswithoutperil,”thesoldierwhowassittingonthebunksaid.“evenwithoutthepossibilityofcombatthatisadangerouscoastinthewinter.”

“nothingcanbeworsethanthearmy,”thecorporalsaid.

“andyouacorporal,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.“whatawayofspeakingisthat?”

“nay,”thecorporalsaid.“imeanfordangers.imeantheenduranceofbombardments,thenecessitytoattack,thelifeoftheparapet.”

“herewehavelittleofthat,”thesoldieronthebunksaid.

“bythegraceofgod,”thecorporalsaid.“butwhoknowswhenwewillbesubjecttoitagain?certainlywewillnothavesomethingaseasyasthisforever!”

“howmuchlongerdoyouthinkwewillhavethisdetail?”

“idon’tknow,”thecorporalsaid.“butiwishwecouldhaveitforallofthewar.”

“sixhoursistoolongtobeonguard,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.

“wewillhavethree-hourwatchesaslongasthisstormholds,”thecorporalsaid.“thatisonlynormal.”

“whataboutallthosestaffcars?”thesoldieronthebunkasked.“ididnotlikethelookofallthosestaffcars.”

“nori,”thecorporalsaid.“allsuchthingsareofevilomen.”

“andaviation,”thesoldierwhowascookingsaid.“aviationisanotherbadsign.”

“butwehaveformidableaviation,”thecorporalsaid.“theredshavenoaviationsuchaswehave.thoseplanesthismorningweresomethingtomakeanymanhappy.”

“ihaveseentheredplaneswhentheyweresomethingserious,”thesoldieronthebunksaid.“ihaveseenthosetwomotorbomberswhentheywereahorrortoendure.”

“yes.buttheyarenotasformidableasouraviation,”thecorporalsaid.“wehaveanaviationthatisinsuperable.”

thiswashowtheyweretalkinginthesawmillwhileanselmowaitedinthesnowwatchingtheroadandthelightinthesawmillwindow.

ihopeiamnotforthekilling,anselmowasthinking.ithinkthatafterthewartherewillhavetobesomegreatpenancedoneforthekilling.ifwenolongerhavereligionafterthewarthenithinktheremustbesomeformofcivicpenanceorganizedthatallmaybecleansedfromthekillingorelsewewillneverhaveatrueandhumanbasisforliving.thekillingisnecessary,iknow,butstillthedoingofitisverybadforamanandithinkthat,afterallthisisoverandwehavewonthewar,theremustbeapenanceofsomekindforthecleansingofusall.

anselmowasaverygoodmanandwheneverhewasaloneforlong,andhewasalonemuchofthetime,thisproblemofthekillingreturnedtohim.

iwonderabouttheinglé,hethought.hetoldmethathedidnotmindit.yetheseemstobebothsensitiveandkind.itmaybethatintheyoungerpeopleitdoesnothaveanimportance.itmaybethatinforeigners,orinthosewhohavenothadourreligion,thereisnotthesameattitude.butithinkanyonedoingitwillbebrutalizedintimeandithinkthateventhoughnecessary,itisagreatsinandthatafterwardswemustdosomethingverystrongtoatoneforit.

itwasdarknowandhelookedatthelightacrosstheroadandshookhisarmsagainsthischesttowarmthem.now,hethought,hewouldcertainlyleaveforthecamp;butsomethingkepthimtherebesidethetreeabovetheroad.itwassnowingharderandanselmothought:ifonlywecouldblowthebridgetonight.onanightlikethisitwouldbenothingtotakethepostsandblowthebridgeanditwouldallbeoveranddonewith.onanightlikethisyoucoulddoanything.