第604章

第604章heoftenthoughtnowofhisconversationwithprinceandrey,andagreedfullywithhisfriend,thoughheputasomewhatdifferentconstructiononhismeaning.princeandreyhadsaidandthoughtthathappinessisonlynegative,buthehadsaidthiswithashadeofbitternessandirony.itwasasthoughinsayingthishehadexpressedanotherthought—thatallthestrivingstowardspositivehappiness,thatareinnateinus,wereonlygivenusforourtorment.butpierrerecognisedthetruthofthemainideawithnosuchundercurrentoffeeling.theabsenceofsuffering,thesatisfactionofneeds,andfollowinguponthat,freedominthechoiceofoccupation,thatis,ofone’smanneroflife,seemedtopierrethehighestandmostcertainhappinessofman.onlyhereandnowforthefirsttimeinhislifepierrefullyappreciatedtheenjoymentofeatingwhenhewashungry,ofdrinkingwhenhewasthirsty,ofsleepwhenhewassleepy,ofwarmthwhenhewascold,oftalkingtoafellowcreaturewhenhewantedtotalkandtohearmen’svoices.thesatisfactionofhisneeds—goodfood,cleanliness,freedom—seemedtopierrenowthathewasdeprivedofthemtobeperfecthappiness;andthechoiceofhisoccupation,thatis,ofhismanneroflifenowthatthatchoicewassolimited,seemedtohimsuchaneasymatterthatheforgotthatasuperfluityoftheconveniencesoflifedestroysallhappinessinsatisfyingthephysicalneeds,whileagreatfreedominthechoiceofoccupation,thatfreedomwhicheducation,wealth,andpositioninsocietyhadgivenhim,makesthechoiceofoccupationsexceedinglydifficult,anddestroystheverydesireandpossibilityofoccupation.

allpierre’sdreamsnowturnedtothetimewhenhewouldbefree.andyet,inallhislaterlife,pierrethoughtandspokewithenthusiasmofthatmonthofimprisonment,ofthoseintenseandjoyfulsensationsthatcouldneverberecalled,andaboveallofthatfull,spiritualpeace,ofthatperfect,inwardfreedom,ofwhichhehadonlyexperienceatthatperiod.

onthefirstday,when,gettingupearlyinthemorning,hecameoutoftheshedintothedawn,andsawthecupolasandthecrossesofthenewmonasteryofthevirgin,allstillindarkness,sawthehoarfrostonthelonggrass,sawtheslopesofthesparrowhillsandthewood-cladbanksoftheencirclingrivervanishingintothepurpledistance,whenhefeltthecontactofthefreshairandheardthesoundsoftherookscryingoutofmoscowacrossthefields,andwhenflashesoflightsuddenlygleamedoutoftheeastandthesun’srimfloatedtriumphantlyupfrombehindacloud,andcupolasandcrossesandhoarfrostandthehorizonandtheriverwereallsparklinginthegladlight,pierrefeltanewfeelingofjoyandvigourinlifesuchashehadneverexperiencedbefore.

andthatfeelinghadnotlefthimduringthewholeperiodofhisimprisonment,butonthecontraryhadgoneongrowinginhimasthehardshipsofhispositionincreased.

thatfeeling—ofbeingreadyforanything,ofmoralalertness—wasstrengthenedinpierrebythehighopinioninwhichhebegantobeheldbyhiscompanionsverysoonafterheenteredtheshed.hisknowledgeoflanguages,therespectshownhimbythefrench,thegood-naturewithwhichhegaveawayanythinghewasaskedfor（hereceivedtheallowanceofthreeroublesaweek,giventoofficersamongtheprisoners）,thestrengthheshowedindrivingnailsintothewall,thegentlenessofhisbehaviourtohiscompanions,andhiscapacity—whichseemedtohimmysterious—ofsittingstockstilldoingnothingandplungedinthought,allmadehimseemtothesoldiersarathermysteriouscreatureofahigherorder.theverypeculiaritiesthatinthesocietyhehadpreviouslylivedinhadbeenasourceofembarrassment,ifnotofannoyance—hisstrength,hisdisdainforthecomfortsoflife,hisabsent-mindedness,hisgood-nature—hereamongthesemengavehimtheprestigealmostofahero.andpierrefeltthattheirviewofhimbroughtitsduties.