第455章

第455章princeandreywasonthatbrightaugusteveninglyingproppedonhiselbowinabroken-downbarninthevillageofknyazkovo,atthefurtherendoftheencampmentofhisregiment.throughagapinthebrokenwallhewaslookingatthelineofthirty-year-oldpollardbirchesinthehedge,atthefieldwithsheavesofoatslyingaboutit,andatthebusheswherehesawthesmokeofcamp-fires,atwhichthesoldiersweredoingtheircooking.

crampedanduselessandburdensomeashislifeseemednowtoprinceandrey,hefeltnervouslyexcitedandirritableontheeveofbattle,justashehadfeltsevenyearsearlierbeforeausterlitz.

hehadreceivedandgivenallordersforthenextday’sbattle.hehadnothingmoretodo.butthoughts—thesimplest,mostobvious,andthereforemostawful—wouldnotleavehiminpeace.heknewthatthebattlenextdaywouldbethemostawfulofallhehadtakenpartin,anddeath,forthefirsttime,presenteditselftohim,notinrelationtohisactualmanneroflife,ortotheeffectofitonothers,butsimplyinrelationtohimself,tohissoul,androsebeforehimsimplyandawfullywithavividnessthatmadeitlikeaconcretereality.andfromtheheightofthisvisioneverythingthathadonceoccupiedhimseemedsuddenlyilluminedbyacold,whitelight,withoutshade,withoutperspectiveoroutline.hiswholelifeseemedtohimlikeamagiclantern,atwhichhehadbeenlookingthroughtheglassandbyartificiallight.nowhesawsuddenly,withouttheglass,intheclearlightofday,thosebadlydaubedpictures.“yes,yes,therearethey;therearethecheatingformsthatexcitedtormentsandecstasiesinme,”hesaidtohimself,goingoverinimaginationthechiefpicturesofthemagiclanternofhislife,lookingatthemnowinthecold,whitedaylightofaclearviewofdeath.“thesearethey,thesecoarselysketchedfigureswhichseemedsomethingsplendidandmysterious.glory,thegoodsociety,loveforawoman,thefatherland—whatgrandpicturestheyusedtoseemtome,withwhatdeepmeaningtheyseemedtobefilled！anditisallsosimple,socolourlessandcoarseinthecoldlightofthedaythatifeelisdawningforme.”thethreechiefsorrowsofhislifeheldhisattentionespecially.hisloveforawoman,hisfather’sdeath,andtheinvasionofthefrench—nowinpossessionofhalfofrussia.“love！…thatlittlegirl,whoseemedtomebrimmingoverwithmysteriousforces.howilovedher！imaderomanticplansoflove,ofhappinesswithher！osimple-heartedyouth！”hesaidaloudbitterly.“why,ibelievedinsomeideallovewhichwastokeepherfaithfultomeforthewholeyearofmyabsence！likethefaithfuldoveinthefable,shewastopineawayinmyabsencefromher！anditwasallsomuchsimpler.…itisallsohorriblysimpleandloathsome！

“myfather,too,laidoutbleakhills,andthoughtitwashisplace,hisland,hisair,hispeasants.butnapoleoncamealong,andwithoutevenknowingofhisexistence,swepthimawaylikeachipoutofhispath,andhisbleakhillslaidinthedust,andallhislifewithitbroughttonought.princessmaryasaysthatitisatrialsentfromabove.whatisthetrialfor,sinceheisnotandneverwillbe？hewillnevercomebackagain！heisnot！soforwhomisitatrial？fatherland,thespoilingofmoscow！butto-morrowishallbekilled;andnotbyafrenchmaneven,maybe,butbyoneofourownmen,likethesoldierwholetoffhisgunclosetomyearyesterday;andthefrenchwillcomeandpickmeupbymyheadandmyheelsandpitchmeintoaholethatimaynotstinkundertheirnoses;andnewconditionsoflifewillarise,andishallknownothingofthem,andishallnotbeatall.”

hegazedattherowofbirch-treeswiththeirmotionlessyellowsandgreens,andthewhitebarkshininginthesun.“todiethen,letthemkillmeto-morrow,letmebenomore…letitallgoon,andletmebeatanend.”hevividlypicturedhisownabsencefromthatlife.andthosebirch-trees,withtheirlightandshade,andthecurlingcloudsandthesmokeofthefires,everythingaroundseemedsuddenlytransformedintosomethingweirdandmenacing.ashiverrandownhisback.risingquicklytohisfeet,hewentoutofthebarn,andbegantowalkabout.

heheardvoicesbehindthebarn.

“who’sthere？”calledprinceandrey.

thered-nosedcaptaintimohin,oncetheofficerincommandofdolohov’scompany,nowinthelackofofficerspromotedtothecommandofabattalion,cameshylyintothebarn.hewasfollowedbyanadjutantandthepaymasteroftheregiment.

princeandreygotuphurriedly,listenedtothemattersrelatingtotheirdutiesthattheofficershadcometohimabout,gaveafewinstructions,andwasabouttodismissthem,whenheheardafamiliar,lispingvoicebehindthebarn.

“quediable！”saidthevoiceofsomeonestumblingoversomething.

princeandrey,peepingoutofthebarn,sawpierre,whohadjusthitagainstapostlyingontheground,andhadalmostfallenover.princeandreyalwaysdislikedseeingpeoplefromhisowncircle,especiallypierre,whoremindedhimofallthepainfulmomentshehadpassedthroughonhislaststayatmoscow.

“well！”hecried.“whatfatehasbroughtyou？ididn’texpecttoseeyou.”

whilehesaidthistherewasinhiseyesandhiswholefacemorethancoldness,positivehostility,whichpierrenoticedatonce.hehadapproachedthebarnwiththegreatesteagerness,butnow,onseeingprinceandrey’sface,hefeltconstrainedandillatease.

“ihavecome…youknow…simply…ihavecome…it’sinteresting,”saidpierre,whohadsomanytimesalreadythatdayrepeatedthatword“interesting”withoutmeaningit.“iwantedtoseethebattle！”

“yes,yes;butyourmasonbrethren,whatdotheysayofwar？howwouldtheyavertit？”saidprinceandreysarcastically.“well,tellmeaboutmoscow.andmypeople？havetheyreachedmoscowatlast？”heaskedseriously.

“yes.juliedrubetskoytoldmeso.iwenttocall,butmissedthem.theyhadstartedforyourmoscowestate.”