第341章

第341章“idon’tcareforanyone,idon’tloveanyonebuthim.howdareyousayhe’sdishonourable！don’tyouknowthatilovehim？”criednatasha.“sonya,goaway;idon’twanttoquarrelwithyou;goaway,forgod’ssake,goaway;youseehowwretchediam,”criednatashaangrily,inavoiceofrepressedirritationanddespair.sonyaburstintosobsandranoutoftheroom.

natashawenttothetable,andwithoutamoment’sreflectionwrotethatanswertoprincessmarya,whichshehadbeenunabletowriteallthemorning.inherlettershetoldprincessmaryabrieflythatallmisunderstandingsbetweenthemwereatanend,astakingadvantageofthegenerosityofprinceandrey,whohadatpartinggivenherfullliberty,sheedhertoforgeteverythingandforgiveifshehadbeeninfaultinanyway,butshecouldnotbehiswife.itallseemedtohersoeasy,sosimple,andsoclearatthatmoment.

therostovsweretoreturntothecountryonfriday,butonwednesdaythecountwentwiththeintendingpurchasertohisestatenearmoscow.

onthedaythecountleft,sonyaandnatashawereinvitedtoabigdinner-partyatjuliekaragin’s,andmaryadmitryevnatookthem.atthatdinnernatashametanatoleagain,andsonyanoticedthatnatashasaidsomethingtohim,tryingnottobeoverheard,andwasallthroughthedinnermoreexcitedthanbefore.whentheygothome,natashawasthefirsttoenterupontheconversationwithsonyathatherfriendwasexpecting.

“well,sonya,yousaidallsortsofsillythingsabouthim,”natashabeganinameekvoice,thevoiceinwhichchildrenspeakwhentheywanttobepraisedforbeinggood.“ihavehaditalloutwithhimto-day.”

“well,whatdidhesay？well？come,whatdidhesay？natasha,i’msogladyou’renotangrywithme.tellmeeverything,allthetruth.whatdidhesay？”

natashasankintothought.

“osonya,ifyouknewhimasido！hesaid…heaskedmewhatpromiseihadgivenbolkonsky.hewassogladthatiwasfreetorefusehim.”

sonyasigheddejectedly.

“butyouhaven’trefusedbolkonsky,haveyou？”shesaid.

“oh,perhapsihaverefusedhim！perhapsit’sallatanendwithbolkonsky.whydoyouthinksoillofme？”

“idon’tthinkanything,onlyidon’tunderstandthis.…”

“waitalittle,sonya,youwillunderstanditall.youwillseethesortofmanheis.don’tthinkillofme,orofhim.”

“idon’tthinkillofanyone;ilikeeveryoneandamsorryforeveryone.butwhatamitodo？”

sonyawouldnotletherselfbewonoverbytheaffectionatetonenatashatookwithher.thesofterandthemoreingratiatingnatasha’sfacebecame,themoreseriousandsternbecamethefaceofsonya.

“natasha,”shesaid,“youaskedmenottospeaktoyou,andihaven’tspoken;nowyouhavebegunyourself.natasha,idon’ttrusthim.whythissecrecy？”

“again,again！”interruptednatasha.

“natasha,iamafraidforyou.”

“whatistheretobeafraidof？”

“iamafraidyouwillberuined,”saidsonyaresolutely,herselfhorrifiedatwhatshewassaying.

natasha’sfaceexpressedangeragain.

“theniwillberuined,iwill;i’llhastentomyruin.it’snotyourbusiness.it’snotyou,buti,willsufferforit.leavemealone,leavemealone.ihateyou！”

“natasha！”sonyaappealedtoherindismay.

“ihateyou,ihateyou！andyou’remyenemyforever！”

natasharanoutoftheroom.

natashaavoidedsonyaanddidnotspeaktoheragain.withthesameexpressionofagitatedwonderandguiltshewanderedabouttherooms,takingupfirstoneoccupationandthenanother,andthrowingthemasideagainatonce.

hardasitwasforsonya,shekeptwatchoverherfriendandneverletheroutofhersight.

onthedaybeforethatfixedforthecount’sreturn,sonyanoticedthatnatashasatallthemorningatthedrawing-roomwindow,asthoughexpectingsomething,andthatshemadeasigntoanofficerwhopassedby,whomsonyatooktobeanatole.

sonyabeganwatchingherfriendevenmoreattentively,andshenoticedthatalldinner-timeandintheeveningnatashawasinastrangeandunnaturalstate,unlikeherself.shemadeirrelevantrepliestoquestionsaskedher,begansentencesanddidnotfinishthem,andlaughedateverything.

afterteasonyasawthemaidtimidlywaitingforhertopassatnatasha’sdoor.shelethergoin,andlisteningatthedoor,foundoutthatanotherletterhadbeengivenher.andallatonceitwascleartosonyathatnatashahadsomedreadfulplanforthatevening.sonyaknockedatherdoor.natashawouldnotletherin.

“sheisgoingtorunawaywithhim！”thoughtsonya.“sheiscapableofanything.therewassomethingparticularlypiteousanddeterminedinherfaceto-day.shecriedasshesaidgood-byetouncle,”sonyaremembered.“yes,it’scertain,she’sgoingtorunawaywithhim;butwhatamitodo？”wonderedsonya,recallingnowallthesignsthatsoclearlybetokenedsomedreadfulresolutiononnatasha’spart.“thecountisnothere.whatamitodo？writetokuragin,demandinganexplanationfromhim？butwhoistomakehimanswer？writetopierre,asprinceandreyaskedmetodoincaseoftrouble？…butperhapsshereallyhasrefusedbolkonsky（shesentoffalettertoprincessmaryayesterday）.uncleisnothere.”

totellmaryadmitryevna,whohadsuchfaithinnatasha,seemedtosonyaafearfulsteptotake.

“butonewayoranother,”thoughtsonya,standinginthedarkcorridor,“noworneverthetimehascomeformetoshowthatiammindfulofallthebenefitsihavereceivedfromtheirfamilyandthatilovenikolay.no,ifihavetogothreenightstogetherwithoutsleep;iwon’tleavethiscorridor,andiwillpreventherpassingbyforce,andnotletdisgracecomeupontheirfamily,”shethought.