第255章

第255章natashawassixteen,anditwastheyear1809,thatyeartowhichshehadreckoneduponherfingerswithboris,aftershehadkissedhimfouryearsbefore.sincethenshehadnotonceseenhim.whenboriswasmentionedshewouldspeakquitefreelyofitbeforesonyaandhermother,treatingitasasettledthingthatallthathadpassedbetweenthemwaschildishnonsense,notworthtalkingofandlongagoforgotten.butinthemostsecretrecessesofhersoulthequestionwhetherherengagementtoboriswerereallyamerejestorasolemn,bindingpromiseworriedher.

eversinceborishadleftmoscowin1805togointothearmyhehadnotonceseentherostovs.severaltimeshehadbeeninmoscow,andintravellinghadpassednotfarfromotradnoe,buthehadnotoncebeenattherostovs’.

ithadsometimesoccurredtonatashathathedidnotwanttoseeher,andhersurmiseshadbeenconfirmedbythemournfultoneinwhichhewasreferredtobyherelders.

“oldfriendsaresoonforgottennowadays,”thecountesswouldsayafterborishadbeenmentioned.

annamihalovnahadtakenintheselatterdaystoseeinglessoftherostovs.therewasamarkeddignity,too,inhermannerwiththem,andshespokeoneveryoccasionwiththankfulnessandenthusiasmofherson’sgreatabilitiesandbrilliantcareer.whentherostovsarrivedinpetersburgboriscametocallonthem.

itwasnotwithoutemotionthathecametoseethem.hisreminiscencesofnatashawereboris’smostpoeticmemories.butatthesametimehecametocallonthemfirmlyresolvedtomakeherandherrelationsfeelthatthechildishvowsbetweennatashaandhimcouldhavenobindingforceforherorforhim.hehadabrilliantpositioninsociety,thankstohisintimacywithcountessbezuhov;abrilliantpositionintheservice,thankstotheprotectionofagreatpersonwhoseconfidencehehadcompletelywon;andhewasbeginningtomakeplansformarryingoneoftherichestheiressesinpetersburg,planswhichmightveryeasilyberealised.whenboriswentintotherostovs’drawing-room,natashawasinherownroom.onhearingofhisarrivalshealmostranwithaflushedfaceintothedrawing-room,radiantwithasmilethatwasmorethancordial.

borishadthoughtofnatashaasthelittlegirlhehadknownfouryearsbeforeinashortfrock,withblackeyesglancingunderhercurls,andadesperate,childishle;andso,whenaquitedifferentnatashacamein,hewastakenabackandhisfaceexpressedsurpriseandadmiration.hisexpressiondelightednatasha.

“well,wouldyouknowyourmischievouslittleplaymate？”saidthecountess.boriskissednatasha’shand,andsaidhewassurprisedatthechangeinher.

“howprettyyouhavegrown！”

“ishouldhopeso！”wastheanswerinnatasha’slaughingeyes.

“anddoespapalookolder？”sheasked.

natashasatstill,takingnopartinthetalkbetweenborisandhermother.silentlyandminutelyshescrutinisedtheyoungmanwhohadbeenhersuitorinherchildhood.hefeltoppressedbythatpersistent,friendlygaze,andglancedonceortwiceather.

theuniform,thespurs,thetie,thewayborishadbrushedhishair,—itwasallfashionableandcommeilfaut.thatnatashanoticedatonce.hesatalittlesidewaysonalowchairbesidethecountess,withhisrighthandsmackingtheexquisitelycleanandperfectlyfittinggloveonhisleft.hetalkedwithapeculiar,refinedcompressionofthelipsaboutthedivisionsofthebestsocietyinpetersburg;withfaintironyreferredtoolddaysinmoscowandoldmoscowacquaintances.notunintentionally,asnatashafelt,hementionedsomeofthehighestaristocracy,alludedtotheambassador’sball,atwhichhehadbeenpresent,andtoinvitationsfromn.n.andfroms.s.

natashasatthewholetimewithoutspeaking,lookingupfromunderherbrowsathim.hereyesmadeborismoreandmoreuneasyandembarrassed.helookedroundmorefrequentlyatnatasha,andbrokeoffinhissentences.afterstayingnomorethantenminuteshegotupandtookleave.stillthesamecurious,challenging,andratherironicaleyesgazedathim.afterhisfirstvisit,borissaidtohimselfthatnatashawasasattractivetohimasshehadbeeninthepast,butthathemustnotgivewaytohisfeelings,becausetomarryher—agirlalmostwithoutfortune—wouldbetheruinofhiscareer,andtorenewtheiroldrelationswithoutanyintentionofmarriagewouldbedishonourable.borisresolvedtoavoidmeetingnatasha;butinspiteofthisresolutionhecameafewdayslater,andbegantocomeoften,andtospendwholedaysattherostovs’.hefanciedthatitwasessentialforhimtohaveafrankexplanationwithnatasha,totellherthatallthepastmustbeforgotten,thatinspiteofeverything…shecouldnotbehiswife,thathehadnomeans,andthattheywouldneverconsenttohermarryinghim.buthealwaysfailedtodoso,andfeltanawkwardnessinapproachingthesubject.everydayhebecamemoreandmoreentangled.natasha—sohermotherandsonyajudged—seemedtobeinlovewithboris,asinthepast.shesangforhimherfavouritesongs,showedhimheralbum,madehimwriteinit,wouldnotlethimrefertothepast,makinghimfeelhowdelightfulsheconsideredthepresent;andeverydayhewenthomeinawhirlwithouthavingsaidwhathemeanttosay,notknowingwhathewasdoing,whyhehadcome,andhowitwouldend.borisgaveupvisitingellen,receivedreproachfulnoteseverydayfromher,andstillspentwholedaystogetherattherostovs’.