第183章

第183章onthethirddayafterchristmasnikolaydinedathome,whichhehadrarelydoneoflate.thiswasafarewelldinnerinnikolay’shonour,ashewastosetoffwithdenisovafterthebaptismfestivaltorejoinhisregiment.twentypersonsweredining,amongthemdolohovanddenisov.

neverhadtheloveintheairoftherostovs’house,neverhadtheatmosphereofbeinginlove,madeitselfsostronglyfeltasduringthosechristmasholidays.“seizethemomentofhappiness,loveandbeloved！thatistheonlythingrealintheworld;therestisallnonsense.andthatistheonethingweareinterestedinhere,”wasthesentimentthatatmospherewaseloquentof.

afterexhaustingtwopairsofhorses,ashedideverydaywithouthavingbeeneverywhereheoughttohavebeen,andeverywherehehadbeeninvited,nikolayreachedhomejustatdinner-time.assoonashewentinhefeltthatintenseatmosphereofloveinthehouse,butinadditiontothathebecameconsciousofastrangeembarrassmentthatseemedtoprevailbetweencertainpersonsinthecompany.sonyaseemedparticularlydisturbed,sodiddolohovandtheoldcountess,andinalesserdegreenatasha.nikolaysawthatsomethingmusthavepassedbeforedinnerbetweensonyaanddolohov,andwiththedelicateinstinctcharacteristicofhim,hewasverysympatheticandwarywithbothofthemduringdinner.onthateveningtherewastobeoneofthedancesgivenbyiogel,thedancing-master,duringtheholidaystohispupils.

“nikolenka,areyougoingtoiogel’s？please,dogo,”saidnatasha;“heparticularlyedyouto,andvassilydmitritch”（thiswasdenisov）“isgoing.”

“wherewouldinotgoatthecountess’scommands！”saiddenisov,whohadjestinglytakenuptheroleofnatasha’sknightintherostovhousehold.“iamreadytodancethepasdechale.”

“ifihavetime！ipromisedthearharovs;theyhaveaparty,”saidnikolay.

“andyou？…”heturnedtodolohov.andassoonashehadaskedthequestion,hesawthatheshouldnothaveaskedit.

“yes,possibly…”dolohovansweredcoldlyandangrily,glancingatsonya;andheglancedagain,scowlingatnikolaywithexactlythesamelookwithwhichhehadlookedatpierreattheclubdinner.

“there’ssomethingwrong,”thoughtnikolay;andhewasstillmoreconfirmedinthatsurmise,whenimmediatelyafterdinnerdolohovwentaway.hebeckonednatasha,andaskedherwhathadhappened.

“iwaslookingforyou,”saidnatasha,runningouttohim.“itoldyouso,andstillyouwouldn’tbelieveme,”shesaidtriumphantly;“hehasmadesonyaanoffer.”

littleasnikolayhadbeenthinkingofsonyaoflate,hefeltasifsomethingwerebeingtornfromhimwhenheheardthis.dolohovwasagood,andinsomerespectsabrilliant,matchfortheportionlessorphansonya.fromthepointofviewofthecountessandofsocietyitwasoutofthequestionforhertorefusehim.andsonikolay’sfirstfeelingwhenheheardofitwasoneofexasperationagainstsonya.hebracedhimselfuptosay,“andacapitalthing,too;ofcourseshemustforgetherchildishpromisesandaccepttheoffer”;buthehadnoteededinsayingthiswhennatashasaid：

“onlyfancy！shehasrefusedhim,absolutelyrefusedhim！shesaysshelovessomeoneelse,”sheaddedafterabriefpause.

“yes,mysonyacouldnotdootherwise！”thoughtnikolay.

“mammaedhereversomanytimesnotto,butsherefused;andiknowshewon’tchange,ifshehassaidathing.…”

“andmammaedhernotto！”nikolaysaidreproachfully.

“yes,”saidnatasha.“doyouknow,nikolenka—don’tbeangry—butiknowyouwon’tmarryher.iknow—idon’tknowwhy—butiknowforcertainthatyouwon’tmarryher.”

“well,youcan’tknowthat,”saidnikolay;“butiwanttotalktoher.howcharmingsonyais！”headded,smiling.

“yes,sheissocharming！i’llsendherintoyou.”andnatashakissedherbrotherandranaway.

aminutelatersonyacamein,lookingfrightened,distraught,andguilty.nikolaywentuptoherandkissedherhand.itwasthefirsttimesincehisreturnthattheyhadtalkedaloneandoftheirlove.

“sophie,”hesaidtoher,atfirsttimidly,butmoreandmoreboldlyashewenton,“ifyouweresimplyrefusingabrilliant,anadvantageousmatch—buthe’sasplendid,noblefellow…he’smyfriend…”

sonyainterruptedhim.

“ihaverefusedhim,”shesaidhastily.

“ifyouarerefusinghimformysake,iamafraidthati…”

sonyaagaincuthimshort.withfrightened,imploringeyesshelookedathim.

“nikolenka,don’tsaythattome,”shesaid.

“no,imust.perhapsit’ssuffisanceonmypart,butstillit’sbettertosayit.ifyouarerefusinghimonmyaccount,ioughttotellyouthewholetruth.iloveyou,ibelieve,morethananyone…”

“that’senoughforme,”saidsonya,flushingcrimson.

“no;butihavebeeninloveathousandtimes,andishallfallinloveagain,thoughsuchafeelingofaffection,confidenceandloveihavefornooneasforyou.theniamyoung.mammadoesnotwishit.well—infact—icanmakenopromise.andibegyoutoconsidertheofferofdolohov,”hesaid,withaneffortarticulatingthenameofhisfriend.

“don’tspeaktomeofit.iwantnothing.iloveyouasabrother,andshallalwaysloveyou,andiwantnothingmore.”

“youareanangel;i’mnotworthyofyou,butiamonlyafraidofdeceivingyou.”

nikolaykissedherhandoncemore.