第119章

第119章“now,we’lltrysomethingsimpleandcharming,”shesaid.hervoiceandmademoisellebourienne’sandtheleofkatyablendedintoasortofgaybabblelikethetwitterofbirds.

“no,leavemealone,”saidtheprincess;andtherewassuchseriousnessandsuchsufferinginhervoicethatthetwitterofthebirdsceasedatonce.theylookedatthegreat,beautifuleyes,fulloftearsandofthought,lookingatthemimploringly,andtheysawthattoinsistwasuselessandevencruel.

“atleastalteryourhair,”saidthelittleprincess.“itoldyou,”shesaidreproachfullytomademoisellebourienne,“therewerefaceswhichthatwayofdoingthehairdoesnotsuitabit.notabit,notabit,pleasealterit.”

“leavemealone,leavemealone,allthatisnothingtome,”answeredavoicescarcelyabletolewithtears.

mademoisellebourienneandthelittleprincesscouldnotbutadmittothemselvesthatprincessmaryawasveryplaininthisguise,farworsethanusual,butitwastoolate.shelookedatthemwithanexpressiontheyknewwell,anexpressionofdeepthoughtandsadness.thatexpressiondidnotinspirefear.（thatwasafeelingshecouldneverhaveinspiredinanyone.）buttheyknewthatwhenthatexpressioncameintoherface,shewasmuteandinflexibleinherresolutions.

“youwillalterit,won’tyou？”saidliza,andwhenprincessmaryamadenoreply,lizawentoutoftheroom.

princessmaryawasleftalone.shedidnotactuponliza’swishes,shedidnotre-arrangeherhair,shedidnotevenglanceintothelooking-glass.lettinghereyesandherhandsdrophelplessly,shesatmentallydreaming.shepicturedherhusband,aman,astrong,masterful,andinconceivablyattractivecreature,whowouldbearherawayallatonceintoanutterlydifferent,happyworldofhisown.achild,herown,likethebabyshehadseenatheroldnurse’sdaughter’s,shefanciedatherownbreast.thehusbandstanding,gazingtenderlyatherandthechild.“butno,itcanneverbe,iamtoougly,”shethought.

“kindlycometotea.theprincewillbegoinginimmediately,”saidthemaid’svoiceatthedoor.shestartedandwashorrifiedatwhatshehadbeenthinking.andbeforegoingdownstairsshewentintotheoratory,andfixinghereyesontheblackoutlineofthegreatimageofthesaviour,shestoodforseveralminutesbeforeitwithclaspedhands.princessmarya’ssoulwasfullofanagonisingdoubt.couldthejoyoflove,ofearthlyloveforaman,beforher？inherreveriesofmarriage,princessmaryadreamedofhappinessinahomeandchildrenofherown,butherchief,herstrongestandmostsecretdreamwasofearthlylove.thefeelingbecamethestrongerthemoreshetriedtoconcealitfromothers,andevenfromherself.“mygod,”shesaid,“howamitosubdueinmyheartthesetemptingsofthedevil？howamitorenounceforeverallevilthoughts,soasinpeacetofulfilthywill？”andscarcelyhadsheputthisquestionthangod’sanswercametoherinherownheart.“desirenothingforthyself,benotcovetous,anxious,envious.thefutureofmenandthydestinytoomustbeunknownforthee;butlivethatthoumayestbereadyforall.ifitshallbegod’swilltoprovetheeinthedutiesofmarriage,bereadytoobeyhiswill.”withthissoothingthought（thoughstillshehopedforthefulfilmentofthatforbiddenearthlydream）princessmaryacrossedherself,sighing,andwentdownstairs,withoutthinkingofherdressnorhowherhairwasdone;ofhowshewouldgoinnorwhatshewouldsay.whatcouldallthatsignifybesidetheguidanceofhim,withoutwhosewillnotonehairfallsfromtheheadofman？