第114章

第114章pierrefeltthathewasthecentreofitall，andthispositionbothpleasedhimandembarrassedhim.hewaslikeamanabsorbedinsomeengrossingoccupation.hehadnoclearsight，norhearing；nounderstandingofanything.onlyfromtimetotimedisconnectedideasandimpressionsoftherealityflashedunexpectedlyintohismind.

“soitisallover！”hethought.“andhowhasitallbeendone？soquickly！nowiknowthatnotforhersake，norformysakealone，butforeveryoneitmustinevitablycometopass.theyallexpectitso，theyareallsoconvincedthatitwillbe，thaticannot，icannot，disappointthem.buthowwillitbe？idon’tknow，butitwillbeinfallibly，itwillbe！”musedpierre，glancingatthedazzlingshouldersthatweresoclosetohiseyes.

thenhesuddenlyfeltavagueshame.hefeltawkwardatbeingthesoleobjectofthegeneralattention，atbeingahappymanintheeyesofothers，withhisuglyfacebeingasortofparisinpossessionofahelen.“but，nodoubt，it’salwayslikethis，andmustbeso，”heconsoledhimself.“andyetwhathaveidonetobringitabout？whendiditbegin？icameherefrommoscowwithprincevassily，thentherewasnothing.afterwardswhatreasonwastherefornotstayingwithhim？theniplayedcardswithherandpickedupherreticule，andwentskatingwithher.whendiditbegin，whendiditallcomeabout？”andherehewassittingbesideherasherbetrothed，hearing，seeing，feelinghercloseness，herbreathing，hermovements，herbeauty.thenitsuddenlyseemedtohimthatitwasnotshe，buthewhowashimselfextraordinarilybeautiful，thatthatwaswhytheywerelookingathimso，andhe，happyinthegeneraladmiration，wasdrawinghimselfup，liftinghisheadandrejoicinginhishappiness.allatonceheheardavoice，afamiliarvoice，addressinghimforthesecondtime.

butpierrewassoabsorbedthathedidnotunderstandwhatwassaidtohim.

“i’maskingyou，whenyouheardlastfrombolkonsky，”princevassilyrepeatedathirdtime.“howabsent-mindedyouare，mydearboy.”princevassilysmiled，andpierresawthateveryone，everyonewassmilingathimandatellen.

“well，whatofit，sinceyouallknow，”pierrewassayingtohimself.“whatofit？it’sthetruth，”andhesmiledhimselfhisgentle，childlikesmile，andellensmiled.

“whendidyougetaletter？fromolmutz？”repeatedprincevassily，whowantedtoknowinordertosettlesomedisputedquestion.

“howcanpeopletalkandthinkofsuchtrifles？”thoughtpierre.

“yes，fromolmutz，”heansweredwithasigh.

pierretookhisladyinbehindtherestfromsuppertothedrawing-room.theguestsbegantotakeleave，andseveralwentawaywithoutsayinggood-byetoellen.asthoughunwillingtotakeherawayfromaseriousoccupation，severalwentuptoherforaninstantandmadehastetoretireagain，refusingtoletheraccompanythemout.thediplomatwentoutofthedrawing-roomindumbdejection.hefeltvividlyallthevanityofhisdiplomaticcareerbycomparisonwithpierre’shappiness.theoldgeneralgrowledangrilyathiswifewhensheinquiredhowhislegwas.“theoldfool，”hethought.“lookatelenavassilyevna；she’llbebeautifulatfifty.”

“ibelieveimaycongratulateyou，”annapavlovnawhisperedtoprincesskuragin，asshekissedherwarmly.“ifihadn’taheadache，iwouldstayon.”theprincessmadenoanswer；shewastormentedbyenvyofherdaughter’shappiness.

whiletheguestsweretakingleave，pierrewasleftalongwhilealonewithelleninthelittledrawing-room，wheretheyweresitting.oftenbefore，duringthelastsixweeks，hehadbeenleftalonewithellen，buthehadneverspokenoflovetoher.nowhefeltthatthiswasinevitable，buthecouldnotmakeuphismindtothisfinalstep.hefeltashamed；itseemedtohimthathereatellen’ssidehewasfillingsomeotherman’splace.“thishappinessisnotforyou，”someinnervoicesaidtohim.“thishappinessisforthosewhohavenotinthemwhatyouhavewithinyou.”buthehadtosaysomething，andhebegantospeak.heaskedherwhethershehadenjoyedtheevening.withherhabitualdirectnessinreplying，sheansweredthatthisname-dayhadbeenoneofthepleasantestshehadeverhad.