第69章

第69章“averyrichandpowerfulone：shesangdelightfully；itwasatreattolistentoher；—andsheplayedafterwards.iamnojudgeofmusic，butmr.rochesteris；andiheardhimsayherexecutionwasremarkablygood.”

“andthisbeautifulandaccomplishedlady，sheisnotyetmarried？”

“itappearsnot：ifancyneithershenorhersisterhaveverylargefortunes.oldlordingram’sestateswerechieflyentailed，andtheeldestsoncameinforeverythingalmost.”

“butiwondernowealthynoblemanorgentlemanhastakenafancytoher：mr.rochester，forinstance.heisrich，ishenot？”

“oh！yes.butyouseethereisaconsiderabledifferenceinage：mr.rochesterisnearlyforty；sheisbuttwenty-five.”

“whatofthat？moreunequalmatchesaremadeeveryday.”

“true：yetishouldscarcelyfancymr.rochesterwouldentertainanideaofthesort.butyoueatnothing：youhavescarcelytastedsinceyoubegantea.”

“no：iamtoothirstytoeat.willyouletmehaveanothercup？”

iwasaboutagaintoreverttotheprobabilityofaunionbetweenmr.rochesterandthebeautifulblanche；butadèlecamein，andtheconversationwasturnedintoanotherchannel.

whenoncemorealone，ireviewedtheinformationihadgot；lookedintomyheart，examineditsthoughtsandfeelings，andendeavouredtobringbackwithastricthandsuchashadbeenstrayingthroughimagination’sboundlessandtracklesswaste，intothesafefoldofcommonsense.

arraignedatmyownbar，memoryhavinggivenherevidenceofthehopes，wishes，sentimentsihadbeencherishingsincelastnight—ofthegeneralstateofmindinwhichihadindulgedfornearlyafortnightpast；reasonhavingcomeforwardandtold，inherownquietwayaplain，unvarnishedtale，showinghowihadrejectedthereal，andrabidlydevouredtheideal；—ipronouncedjudgmenttothiseffect：—

thatagreaterfoolthanjaneeyrehadneverbreathedthebreathoflife；thatamorefantasticidiothadneversurfeitedherselfonsweetlies，andswallowedpoisonasifitwerenectar.

“you，”isaid，“afavouritewithmr.rochester？yougiftedwiththepowerofpleasinghim？youofimportancetohiminanyway？go！yourfollysickensme.andyouhavederivedpleasurefromoccasionaltokensofpreference—equivocaltokensshownbyagentlemanoffamilyandamanoftheworldtoadependentandanovice.howdaredyou？poorstupiddupe！—couldnotevenself-interestmakeyouwiser？yourepeatedtoyourselfthismorningthebriefsceneoflastnight？—coveryourfaceandbeashamed！hesaidsomethinginpraiseofyoureyes，didhe？blindpuppy！opentheirblearedlidsandlookonyourownaccursedsenselessness！itdoesgoodtonowomantobeflatteredbyhersuperior，whocannotpossiblyintendtomarryher；anditismadnessinallwomentoletasecretlovekindlewithinthem，which，ifunreturnedandunknown，mustdevourthelifethatfeedsit；and，ifdiscoveredandrespondedto，mustlead，ignis-fatuus-like，intomirywildswhencethereisnoextrication.

“listen，then，janeeyre，toyoursentence：tomorrow，placetheglassbeforeyou，anddrawinchalkyourownpicture，faithfully，withoutsofteningonedefect；omitnoharshline，smoothawaynodispleasingirregularity；writeunderit，‘portraitofagoverness，disconnected，poor，andplain.’

“afterwards，takeapieceofsmoothivory—youhaveonepreparedinyourdrawing-box：takeyourpalette，mixyourfreshest，finest，clearesttints；chooseyourmostdelicatecamel-hairpencils；delineatecarefullytheloveliestfaceyoucanimagine；paintitinyoursoftestshadesandsweetestlines，accordingtothedescriptiongivenbymrs.fairfaxofblancheingram；remembertheravenringlets，theorientaleye；—what！youreverttomr.rochesterasamodel！order！nosnivel！—nosentiment！—noregret！iwillendureonlysenseandresolution.recalltheaugustyetharmoniouslineaments，thegrecianneckandbust；lettheroundanddazzlingarmbevisible，andthedelicatehand；omitneitherdiamondringnorgoldbracelet；portrayfaithfullytheattire，aeriallaceandglisteningsatin，gracefulscarfandgoldenrose；callit‘blanche，anaccomplishedladyofrank.’

“whenever，infuture，youshouldchancetofancymr.rochesterthinkswellofyou，takeoutthesetwopicturesandcomparethem：say，‘mr.rochestermightprobablywinthatnoblelady’slove，ifhechosetostriveforit；isitlikelyhewouldwasteaseriousthoughtonthisindigentandinsignificantplebeian？’”

“i’lldoit，”iresolved：andhavingframedthisdetermination，igrewcalm，andfellasleep.

ikeptmyword.anhourortwosufficedtosketchmyownportraitincrayons；andinlessthanafortnightihadcompletedanivoryminiatureofanimaginaryblancheingram.itlookedalovelyfaceenough，andwhencomparedwiththerealheadinchalk，thecontrastwasasgreatasself-controlcoulddesire.iderivedbenefitfromthetask：ithadkeptmyheadandhandsemployed，andhadgivenforceandfixednesstothenewimpressionsiwishedtostampindeliblyonmyheart.

erelong，ihadreasontocongratulatemyselfonthecourseofwholesomedisciplinetowhichihadthusforcedmyfeelingstosubmit.thankstoit，iwasabletomeetsubsequentoccurrenceswithadecentcalm，which，hadtheyfoundmeunprepared，ishouldprobablyhavebeenunequaltomaintain，evenexternally.