第186章

第186章herepliednot:heseemedserious—abstracted;hesighed;hehalf-openedhislipsasiftospeak:heclosedthemagain.ifeltalittleembarrassed.perhapsihadtoorashlyover-leapedconventionalities;andhe,likest.john,sawimproprietyinmyinconsiderateness.ihadindeedmademyproposalfromtheideathathewishedandwouldaskmetobehiswife:anexpectation,notthelesscertainbecauseunexpressed,hadbuoyedmeup,thathewouldclaimmeatonceashisown.butnohinttothateffectescapinghimandhiscountenancebecomingmoreovercast,isuddenlyrememberedthatimighthavebeenallwrong,andwasperhapsplayingthefoolunwittingly;andibegangentlytowithdrawmyselffromhisarms—butheeagerlysnatchedmecloser.

“no—no—jane;youmustnotgo.no—ihavetouchedyou,heardyou,feltthecomfortofyourpresence—thesweetnessofyourconsolation:icannotgiveupthesejoys.ihavelittleleftinmyself—imusthaveyou.theworldmaylaugh—maycallmeabsurd,selfish—butitdoesnotsignify.myverysouldemandsyou:itwillbesatisfied,oritwilltakedeadlyvengeanceonitsframe.”

“well,sir,iwillstaywithyou:ihavesaidso.”

“yes—butyouunderstandonethingbystayingwithme;andiunderstandanother.you,perhaps,couldmakeupyourmindtobeaboutmyhandandchair—towaitonmeasakindlittlenurse(foryouhaveanaffectionateheartandagenerousspirit,whichpromptyoutomakesacrificesforthoseyoupity),andthatoughttosufficeformenodoubt.isupposeishouldnowentertainnonebutfatherlyfeelingsforyou:doyouthinkso?come—tellme.”

“iwillthinkwhatyoulike,sir:iamcontenttobeonlyyournurse,ifyouthinkitbetter.”

“butyoucannotalwaysbemynurse,janet:youareyoung—youmustmarryoneday.”

“idon’tcareaboutbeingmarried.”

“youshouldcare,janet:ifiwerewhationcewas,iwouldtrytomakeyoucare—but—asightlessblock!”

herelapsedagainintogloom.i,onthecontrary,becamemorecheerful,andtookfreshcourage:theselastwordsgavemeaninsightastowherethedifficultylay;andasitwasnodifficultywithme,ifeltquiterelievedfrommypreviousembarrassment.iresumedalivelierveinofconversation.“itistimesomeoneundertooktorehumaniseyou,”saidi,partinghisthickandlonguncutlocks;“foriseeyouarebeingmetamorphosedintoalion,orsomethingofthatsort.youhavea‘fauxair’ofnebuchadnezzarinthefieldsaboutyou,thatiscertain:yourhairremindsmeofeagles’feathers;whetheryournailsaregrownlikebirds’clawsornot,ihavenotyetnoticed.”

“onthisarm,ihaveneitherhandnornails,”hesaid,drawingthemutilatedlimbfromhisbreast,andshowingittome.“itisamerestump—aghastlysight!don’tyouthinkso,jane?”

“itisapitytoseeit;andapitytoseeyoureyes—andthescaroffireonyourforehead:andtheworstofitis,oneisindangeroflovingyoutoowellforallthis;andmakingtoomuchofyou.”

“ithoughtyouwouldberevolted,jane,whenyousawmyarm,andmycicatrisedvisage.”

“didyou?don’ttellmeso—lestishouldsaysomethingdisparagingtoyourjudgment.now,letmeleaveyouaninstant,tomakeabetterfire,andhavethehearthsweptup.canyoutellwhenthereisagoodfire?”

“yes;withtherighteyeiseeaglow—aruddyhaze.”

“andyouseethecandles?”

“verydimly—eachisaluminouscloud.”

“canyouseeme?”

“no,myfairy:butiamonlytoothankfultohearandfeelyou.”

“whendoyoutakesupper?”

“inevertakesupper.”

“butyoushallhavesometo-night.iamhungry:soareyou,idaresay,onlyyouforget.”

summoningmary,isoonhadtheroominmorecheerfulorder:ipreparedhim,likewise,acomfortablerepast.myspiritswereexcited,andwithpleasureandeaseitalkedtohimduringsupper,andforalongtimeafter.therewasnoharassingrestraint,norepressingofgleeandvivacitywithhim;forwithhimiwasatperfectease,becauseiknewisuitedhim;allisaidordidseemedeithertoconsoleorrevivehim.delightfulconsciousness!itbroughttolifeandlightmywholenature:inhispresenceithoroughlylived;andhelivedinmine.blindashewas,smilesplayedoverhisface,joydawnedonhisforehead:hislineamentssoftenedandwarmed.

aftersupper,hebegantoaskmemanyquestions,ofwhereihadbeen,whatihadbeendoing,howihadfoundhimout;butigavehimonlyverypartialreplies:itwastoolatetoenterintoparticularsthatnight.besides,iwishedtotouchnodeep-thrillingchord—toopennofreshwellofemotioninhisheart:mysolepresentaimwastocheerhim.cheered,asihavesaid,hewas:andyetbutbyfits.ifamoment’ssilencebroketheconversation,hewouldturnrestless,touchme,thensay,“jane.”

“youarealtogetherahumanbeing,jane?youarecertainofthat?”

“iconscientiouslybelieveso,mr.rochester.”

“yethow,onthisdarkanddolefulevening,couldyousosuddenlyriseonmylonehearth?istretchedmyhandtotakeaglassofwaterfromahireling,anditwasgivenmebyyou:iaskedaquestion,expectingjohn’swifetoanswerme,andyourvoicespokeatmyear.”

无一错一首一发一内一容一在一6一9一书一吧一看！

“becauseihadcomein,inmary’sstead,withthetray.”

“andthereisenchantmentintheveryhouriamnowspendingwithyou.whocantellwhatadark,dreary,hopelesslifeihaveedonformonthspast?doingnothing,expectingnothing;mergingnightinday;feelingbutthesensationofcoldwheniletthefiregoout,ofhungerwheniforgottoeat:andthenaceaselesssorrow,and,attimes,averydeliriumofdesiretobeholdmyjaneagain.yes:forherrestorationilonged,farmorethanforthatofmylostsight.howcanitbethatjaneiswithme,andsaysshelovesme?willshenotdepartassuddenlyasshecame?to-morrow,ifearishallfindhernomore.”