第157章

第157章icontinuedthelaboursofthevillage-schoolasactivelyandfaithfullyasicould.itwastrulyhardworkatfirst.sometimeelapsedbefore,withallmyefforts,icouldcomprehendmyscholarsandtheirnature.whollyuntaught,withfacultiesquitetorpid,theyseemedtomehopelesslydull;and,atfirstsight,alldullalike:butisoonfoundiwasmistaken.therewasadifferenceamongstthemasamongsttheeducated;andwhenigottoknowthem,andtheyme,thisdifferencerapidlydevelopeditself.theiramazementatme,mylanguage,myrules,andways,oncesubsided,ifoundsomeoftheseheavy-looking,gapingrusticswakeupintosharp-wittedgirlsenough.manyshowedthemselvesobliging,andamiabletoo;andidiscoveredamongstthemnotafewexamplesofnaturalpoliteness,andinnateself-respect,aswellasofexcellentcapacity,thatwonbothmygoodwillandmyadmiration.thesesoontookapleasureindoingtheirworkwell,inkeepingtheirpersonsneat,inlearningtheirtasksregularly,inacquiringquietandorderlymanners.therapidityoftheirprogress,insomeinstances,wasevensurprising;andanhonestandhappyprideitookinit:besides,ibeganpersonallytolikesomeofthebestgirls;andtheylikedme.ihadamongstmyscholarsseveralfarmers’daughters:youngwomengrown,almost.thesecouldalreadyread,write,andsew;andtothemitaughttheelementsofgrammar,geography,history,andthefinerkindsofneedlework.ifoundestimablecharactersamongstthem—charactersdesirousofinformationanddisposedforimprovement—withwhomipassedmanyapleasanteveninghourintheirownhomes.theirparentsthen(thefarmerandhiswife)loadedmewithattentions.therewasanenjoymentinacceptingtheirsimplekindness,andinrepayingitbyaconsideration—ascrupulousregardtotheirfeelings—towhichtheywerenot,perhaps,atalltimesaccustomed,andwhichbothcharmedandbenefitedthem;because,whileitelevatedthemintheirowneyes,itmadethememuloustomeritthedeferentialtreatmenttheyreceived.

ifeltibecameafavouriteintheneighbourhood.wheneveriwentout,iheardonallsidescordialsalutations,andwaswelcomedwithfriendlysmiles.toliveamidstgeneralregard,thoughitbebuttheregardofworkingpeople,islike“sittinginsunshine,calmandsweet;”sereneinwardfeelingsbudandbloomundertheray.atthisperiodofmylife,myheartfaroftenerswelledwiththankfulnessthansankwithdejection:andyet,reader,totellyouall,inthemidstofthiscalm,thisusefulexistence—afteradaypassedinhonourableexertionamongstmyscholars,aneveningspentindrawingorreadingcontentedlyalone—iusedtorushintostrangedreamsatnight:dreamsmany-coloured,agitated,fulloftheideal,thestirring,thestormy—dreamswhere,amidstunusualscenes,chargedwithadventure,withagitatingriskandromanticchance,istillagainandagainmetmr.rochester,alwaysatsomeexcitingcrisis;andthenthesenseofbeinginhisarms,hearinghisvoice,meetinghiseye,touchinghishandandcheek,lovinghim,beinglovedbyhim—thehopeofpassingalifetimeathisside,wouldberenewed,withallitsfirstforceandfire.theniawoke.thenirecalledwhereiwas,andhowsituated.theniroseuponmycurtainlessbed,tremblingandquivering;andthenthestill,darknightwitnessedtheconvulsionofdespair,andheardtheburstofpassion.bynineo’clockthenextmorningiwaspunctuallyopeningtheschool;tranquil,settled,preparedforthesteadydutiesoftheday.

rosamondoliverkeptherwordincomingtovisitme.hercallattheschoolwasgenerallymadeinthecourseofhermorningride.shewouldcanteruptothedooronherpony,followedbyamountedliveryservant.anythingmoreexquisitethanherappearance,inherpurplehabit,withheramazon’scapofblackvelvetplacedgracefullyabovethelongcurlsthatkissedhercheekandfloatedtohershoulders,canscarcelybeimagined:anditwasthusshewouldentertherusticbuilding,andglidethroughthedazzledranksofthevillagechildren.shegenerallycameatthehourwhenmr.riverswasengagedingivinghisdailycatechisinglesson.keenly,ifear,didtheeyeofthevisitresspiercetheyoungpastor’sheart.asortofinstinctseemedtowarnhimofherentrance,evenwhenhedidnotseeit;andwhenhewaslookingquiteawayfromthedoor,ifsheappearedatit,hischeekwouldglow,andhismarble-seemingfeatures,thoughtheyrefusedtorelax,changedindescribably,andintheirveryquiescencebecameexpressiveofarepressedfervour,strongerthanworkingmuscleordartingglancecouldindicate.

ofcourse,sheknewherpower:indeed,hedidnot,becausehecouldnot,concealitfromher.inspiteofhischristianstoicism,whenshewentupandaddressedhim,andsmiledgaily,encouragingly,evenfondlyinhisface,hishandwouldtrembleandhiseyeburn.heseemedtosay,withhissadandresolutelook,ifhedidnotsayitwithhislips,“iloveyou,andiknowyoupreferme.itisnotdespairofessthatkeepsmedumb.ifiofferedmyheart,ibelieveyouwouldacceptit.butthatheartisalreadylaidonasacredaltar:thefireisarrangedroundit.itwillsoonbenomorethanasacrificeconsumed.”