第116章

第116章heroseandcametowardsme,andisawhisfaceallkindled,andhisfullfalcon-eyeflashing,andtendernessandpassionineverylineament.iquailedmomentarily—thenirallied.softscene,daringdemonstration,iwouldnothave;andistoodinperilofboth:aweaponofdefencemustbeprepared—iwhettedmytongue:ashereachedme,iaskedwithasperity,“whomhewasgoingtomarrynow?”

“thatwasastrangequestiontobeputbyhisdarlingjane.”

“indeed!iconsidereditaverynaturalandnecessaryone:hehadtalkedofhisfuturewifedyingwithhim.whatdidhemeanbysuchapaganidea?ihadnointentionofdyingwithhim—hemightdependonthat.”

“oh,allhelonged,allheprayedfor,wasthatimightlivewithhim!deathwasnotforsuchasi.”

“indeeditwas:ihadasgoodarighttodiewhenmytimecameashehad:butishouldbidethattime,andnotbehurriedawayinasuttee.”

“wouldiforgivehimfortheselfishidea,andprovemypardonbyareconcilingkiss?”

“no:iwouldratherbeexcused.”hereiheardmyselfapostrophisedasa“hardlittlething;”anditwasadded,“anyotherwomanwouldhavebeenmeltedtomarrowathearingsuchstanzascroonedinherpraise.”

iassuredhimiwasnaturallyhard—veryflinty,andthathewouldoftenfindmeso;andthat,moreover,iwasdeterminedtoshowhimdiversedpointsinmycharacterbeforetheensuingfourweekselapsed:heshouldknowfullywhatsortofabargainhehadmade,whiletherewasyettimetorescindit.

“wouldibequietandtalkrationally?”

“iwouldbequietifheliked,andastotalkingrationally,i

flatteredmyselfiwasdoingthatnow.”

hefretted,pished,andpshawed.“verygood,”ithought;“youmayfumeandfidgetasyouplease:butthisisthebestplantopursuewithyou,iamcertain.ilikeyoumorethanicansay;buti’llnotsinkintoabathosofsentiment:andwiththisneedleofreparteei’llkeepyoufromtheedgeofthegulftoo;and,moreover,maintainbyitspungentaidthatdistancebetweenyouandmyselfmostconducivetoourrealmutualadvantage.”

fromlesstomore,iworkedhimuptoconsiderableirritation;then,afterhehadretired,indudgeon,quitetotheotherendoftheroom,igotup,andsaying,“iwishyougood-night,sir,”inmynaturalandwontedrespectfulmanner,islippedoutbytheside-doorandgotaway.

thesystemthusenteredon,ipursuedduringthewholeseasonofprobation;andwiththebestess.hewaskept,tobesure,rathercrossandcrusty;butonthewholeicouldseehewasexcellentlyentertained,andthatalamb-likesubmissionandturtle-dovesensibility,whilefosteringhisdespotismmore,wouldhavepleasedhisjudgment,satisfiedhiscommon-sense,andevensuitedhistasteless.

inotherpeople’spresenceiwas,asformerly,deferentialandquiet;anyotherlineofconductbeinguncalledfor:itwasonlyintheeveningconferencesithusthwartedandafflictedhim.hecontinuedtosendformepunctuallythemomenttheclockstruckseven;thoughwheniappearedbeforehimnow,hehadnosuchhoneyedtermsas“love”and“darling”onhislips:thebestwordsatmyservicewere“provokingpuppet,”“maliciouself,”“sprite,”“changeling,”&c.forcaresses,too,inowgotgrimaces;forapressureofthehand,apinchonthearm;forakissonthecheek,aseveretweakoftheear.itwasallright:atpresentidecidedlypreferredthesefiercefavourstoanythingmoretender.mrs.fairfax,isaw,approvedme:heranxietyonmyaccountvanished;thereforeiwascertainididwell.meantime,mr.rochesteraffirmediwaswearinghimtoskinandbone,andthreatenedawfulvengeanceformypresentconductatsomeperiodfastcoming.ilaughedinmysleeveathismenaces.“icankeepyouinreasonablechecknow,”ireflected;“andidon’tdoubttobeabletodoithereafter:ifoneexpedientlosesitsvirtue,anothermustbedevised.”

yetafterallmytaskwasnotaneasyone;ofteniwouldratherhavepleasedthanteasedhim.myfuturehusbandwasbecomingtomemywholeworld;andmorethantheworld:almostmyhopeofheaven.hestoodbetweenmeandeverythoughtofreligion,asaneclipseintervenesbetweenmanandthebroadsun.icouldnot,inthosedays,seegodforhiscreature:ofwhomihadmadeanidol.