第42章

第42章whenmrs.fairfaxhadbiddenmeakindgood-night,andihadfastenedmydoor,gazedleisurelyround,andinsomemeasureeffacedtheeerieimpressionmadebythatwidehall,thatdarkandspaciousstaircase,andthatlong,coldgallery,bythelivelieraspectofmylittleroom,irememberedthat,afteradayofbodilyfatigueandmentalanxiety,iwasnowatlastinsafehaven.theimpulseofgratitudeswelledmyheart,andikneltdownatthebedside,andofferedupthankswherethanksweredue;notforgetting,ereirose,toimploreaidonmyfurtherpath,andthepowerofmeritingthekindnesswhichseemedsofranklyofferedmebeforeitwasearned.mycouchhadnothornsinitthatnight;mysolitaryroomnofears.atoncewearyandcontent,isleptsoonandsoundly:wheniawokeitwasbroadday.

thechamberlookedsuchabrightlittleplacetomeasthesunshoneinbetweenthegaybluechintzwindowcurtains,showingpaperedwallsandacarpetedfloor,sounlikethebareplanksandstainedplasteroflowood,thatmyspiritsroseattheview.externalshaveagreateffectontheyoung:ithoughtthatafairereraoflifewasbeginningforme,onethatwastohaveitsflowersandpleasures,aswellasitsthornsandtoils.myfaculties,rousedbythechangeofscene,thenewfieldofferedtohope,seemedallastir.icannotpreciselydefinewhattheyexpected,butitwassomethingpleasant:notperhapsthatdayorthatmonth,butatanindefinitefutureperiod.

irose;idressedmyselfwithcare:obligedtobeplain—forihadnoarticleofattirethatwasnotmadewithextremesimplicity—iwasstillbynaturesolicitoustobeneat.itwasnotmyhabittobedisregardfulofappearanceorcarelessoftheimpressionimade:onthecontrary,ieverwishedtolookaswellasicould,andtopleaseasmuchasmywantofbeautywouldpermit.isometimesregrettedthatiwasnothandsomer;isometimeswishedtohaverosycheeks,astraightnose,andsmallcherrymouth;idesiredtobetall,stately,andfinelydevelopedinfigure;ifeltitamisfortunethatiwassolittle,sopale,andhadfeaturessoirregularandsomarked.andwhyhaditheseaspirationsandtheseregrets?itwouldbedifficulttosay:icouldnotthendistinctlysayittomyself;yetihadareason,andalogical,naturalreasontoo.however,whenihadbrushedmyhairverysmooth,andputonmyblackfrock—which,quakerlikeasitwas,atleasthadthemeritoffittingtoanicety—andadjustedmycleanwhitetucker,ithoughtishoulddorespectablyenoughtoappearbeforemrs.fairfax,andthatmynewpupilwouldnotatleastrecoilfrommewithantipathy.havingopenedmychamberwindow,andseenthatileftallthingsstraightandneatonthetoilettable,iventuredforth.

traversingthelongandmattedgallery,idescendedtheslipperystepsofoak;thenigainedthehall:ihaltedthereaminute;ilookedatsomepicturesonthewalls(one,iremember,representedagrimmaninacuirass,andonealadywithpowderedhairandapearlnecklace),atabronzelamppendentfromtheceiling,atagreatclockwhosecasewasofoakcuriouslycarved,andebonblackwithtimeandrubbing.everythingappearedverystatelyandimposingtome;buttheniwassolittleaccustomedtograndeur.thehall-door,whichwashalfofglass,stoodopen;isteppedoverthethreshold.itwasafineautumnmorning;theearlysunshoneserenelyonembrownedgrovesandstillgreenfields;advancingontothelawn,ilookedupandsurveyedthefrontofthemansion.itwasthreestoreyshigh,ofproportionsnotvast,thoughconsiderable:agentleman’smanor-house,notanobleman’sseat:battlementsroundthetopgaveitapicturesquelook.itsgreyfrontstoodoutwellfromthebackgroundofarookery,whosecawingtenantswerenowonthewing:theyflewoverthelawnandgroundstoalightinagreatmeadow,fromwhichthesewereseparatedbyasunkfence,andwhereanarrayofmightyoldthorntrees,strong,knotty,andbroadasoaks,atonceexplainedtheetymologyofthemansion’sdesignation.fartheroffwerehills:notsoloftyasthoseroundlowood,norsoy,norsolikebarriersofseparationfromthelivingworld;butyetquietandlonelyhillsenough,andseemingtoembracethornfieldwithaseclusionihadnotexpectedtofindexistentsonearthestirringlocalityofmillcote.alittlehamlet,whoseroofswereblentwithtrees,ledupthesideofoneofthesehills;thechurchofthedistrictstoodnearerthornfield:itsoldtower-toplookedoveraknollbetweenthehouseandgates.

iwasyetenjoyingthecalmprospectandpleasantfreshair,yetlisteningwithdelighttothecawingoftherooks,yetsurveyingthewide,hoaryfrontofthehall,andthinkingwhatagreatplaceitwasforonelonelylittledamelikemrs.fairfaxtoinhabit,whenthatladyappearedatthedoor.

“what!outalready?”saidshe.“iseeyouareanearlyriser.”iwentuptoher,andwasreceivedwithanaffablekissandshakeofthehand.

“howdoyoulikethornfield?”sheasked.itoldherilikeditverymuch.

“yes,”shesaid,“itisaprettyplace;butifearitwillbegettingoutoforder,unlessmr.rochestershouldtakeitintohisheadtocomeandresideherepermanently;or,atleast,visititratheroftener:greathousesandfinegroundsrequirethepresenceoftheproprietor.”

“mr.rochester!”iexclaimed.“whoishe?”

“theownerofthornfield,”sherespondedquietly.“didyounotknowhewascalledrochester?”

ofcourseididnot—ihadneverheardofhimbefore;buttheoldladyseemedtoregardhisexistenceasauniversallyunderstoodfact,withwhicheverybodymustbeacquaintedbyinstinct.

“ithought,”icontinued,“thornfieldbelongedtoyou.”