第47章

第47章thepromiseofasmoothcareer，whichmyfirstcalmintroductiontothornfieldhallseemedtopledge，wasnotbeliedonalongeracquaintancewiththeplaceanditsinmates.mrs.fairfaxturnedouttobewhatsheappeared，aplacid-tempered，kind-naturedwoman，ofcompetenteducationandaverageintelligence.mypupilwasalivelychild，whohadbeenspoiltandindulged，andthereforewassometimeswayward；butasshewascommittedentirelytomycare，andnoinjudiciousinterferencefromanyquartereverthwartedmyplansforherimprovement，shesoonforgotherlittlefreaks，andbecameobedientandteachable.shehadnogreattalents，nomarkedtraitsofcharacter，nopeculiardevelopmentoffeelingortastewhichraisedheroneinchabovetheordinarylevelofchildhood；butneitherhadsheanydeficiencyorvicewhichsunkherbelowit.shemadereasonableprogress，entertainedformeavivacious，thoughperhapsnotveryprofound，affection；andbyhersimplicity，gayprattle，andeffortstoplease，inspiredme，inreturn，withadegreeofattachmentsufficienttomakeusbothcontentineachother’ssociety.

this，parparenthèse，willbethoughtcoollanguagebypersonswhoentertainsolemndoctrinesabouttheangelicnatureofchildren，andthedutyofthosechargedwiththeireducationtoconceiveforthemanidolatrousdevotion：butiamnotwritingtoflatterparentalegotism，toechocant，orpropuphumbug；iammerelytellingthetruth.ifeltaconscientioussolicitudeforadèle’swelfareandprogress，andaquietlikingforherlittleself：justasicherishedtowardsmrs.fairfaxathankfulnessforherkindness，andapleasureinhersocietyproportionatetothetranquilregardshehadforme，andthemoderationofhermindandcharacter.

anybodymayblamemewholikes，wheniaddfurther，that，nowandthen，whenitookawalkbymyselfinthegrounds；wheniwentdowntothegatesandlookedthroughthemalongtheroad；orwhen，whileadèleplayedwithhernurse，andmrs.fairfaxmadejelliesinthestoreroom，iclimbedthethreestaircases，raisedthetrap-dooroftheattic，andhavingreachedtheleads，lookedoutafaroversequesteredfieldandhill，andalongdimsky-line—thatthenilongedforapowerofvisionwhichmightoverpassthatlimit；whichmightreachthebusyworld，towns，regionsfulloflifeihadheardofbutneverseen—thatthenidesiredmoreofpracticalexperiencethanipossessed；moreofintercoursewithmykind，ofacquaintancewithvarietyofcharacter，thanwasherewithinmyreach.ivaluedwhatwasgoodinmrs.fairfax，andwhatwasgoodinadèle；butibelievedintheexistenceofotherandmorevividkindsofgoodness，andwhatibelievediniwishedtobehold.

whoblamesme？many，nodoubt；andishallbecalleddiscontented.icouldnothelpit：therestlessnesswasinmynature；itagitatedmetopainsometimes.thenmysolereliefwastowalkalongthecorridorofthethirdstorey，backwardsandforwards，safeinthesilenceandsolitudeofthespot，andallowmymind’seyetodwellonwhateverbrightvisionsrosebeforeit—and，certainly，theyweremanyandglowing；toletmyheartbeheavedbytheexultantmovement，which，whileitswelleditintrouble，expandeditwithlife；and，bestofall，toopenmyinwardeartoatalethatwasneverended—atalemyimaginationcreated，andnarratedcontinuously；quickenedwithallofincident，life，fire，feeling，thatidesiredandhadnotinmyactualexistence.

itisinvaintosayhumanbeingsoughttobesatisfiedwithtranquillity：theymusthaveaction；andtheywillmakeitiftheycannotfindit.millionsarecondemnedtoastillerdoomthanmine，andmillionsareinsilentrevoltagainsttheirlot.nobodyknowshowmanyrebellionsbesidespoliticalrebellionsfermentinthemassesoflifewhichpeopleearth.womenaresupposedtobeverycalmgenerally：butwomenfeeljustasmenfeel；theyneedexercisefortheirfaculties，andafieldfortheirefforts，asmuchastheirbrothersdo；theysufferfromtoorigidarestraint，tooabsoluteastagnation，preciselyasmenwouldsuffer；anditisnarrow-mindedintheirmoreprivilegedfellow-creaturestosaythattheyoughttoconfinethemselvestomakingpuddingsandknittingstockings，toplayingonthepianoandembroideringbags.itisthoughtlesstocondemnthem，orlaughatthem，iftheyseektodomoreorlearnmorethancustomhaspronouncednecessaryfortheirsex.

whenthusalone，inotunfrequentlyheardgracepoole’slaugh：thesamepeal，thesamelow，slowha！ha！which，whenfirstheard，hadthrilledme：iheard，too，hereccentricmurmurs；strangerthanherlaugh.thereweredayswhenshewasquitesilent；buttherewereotherswhenicouldnotaccountforthesoundsshemade.sometimesisawher：shewouldcomeoutofherroomwithabasin，oraplate，oratrayinherhand，godowntothekitchenandshortlyreturn，generally(oh，romanticreader，forgivemefortellingtheplaintruth！)bearingapotofporter.herappearancealwaysactedasadampertothecuriosityraisedbyheroraloddities：hard-featuredandstaid，shehadnopointtowhichinterestcouldattach.imadesomeattemptstodrawherintoconversation，butsheseemedapersonoffewwords：amonosyllabicreplyusuallycutshorteveryeffortofthatsort.

theothermembersofthehousehold，viz.，johnandhiswife，leahthehousemaid，andsophiethefrenchnurse，weredecentpeople；butinnorespectremarkable；withsophieiusedtotalkfrench，andsometimesiaskedherquestionsabouthernativecountry；butshewasnotofadescriptiveornarrativeturn，andgenerallygavesuchvapidandconfusedanswersaswerecalculatedrathertocheckthanencourageinquiry.