第12章TheGift

第12章thegift

juniegirl

itwaswellaftermid-night,wrappedinmywarmfleecyrobe1istoodsilentlystaringouttheninthfloorwindowofthedauntingnewyorkhospital.iwasstaringatthe59thstreetbridge.itwasassparklingandbeautifulasachristmastree.newyorkcityhasalwaysbeenspecialtome;thebroadwaytheatre,themusic,therestaurants—fromthedeli’stothetavern-on-the-green.“thisiswhatthecityissupposedtobeabout,”ithought,dreadingthemorningtocomeandalltheuncertaintyitheld.butthemorningdidcomeandatninea.m.onthatmarch17th,iwaswheeledintoanoperatingroom.elevenhoursandforty-fiveminuteslateriwaswheeledintoarecoveryroom,andaveryfewhoursafterbeingreturnedtomyownhospitalroom,ifoundmyselfactuallyonmyfeet,halfwalking,halfpropelledbymedicalequipmentandmembersofmyfamily.theordersweretowalkthelengthandbackofthelonghospitalcorridor.

itwasthenthatifirstsawhim.isawhimthroughahazeofdrugs,painandthedreamyunrealitythatthiscouldbehappeningtome.hewasstandinginthedoorwayofahospitalroom.inmytwilight,unfocusedstateisawhimalmostasaspiritshaperatherthanafullblownperson.yetthebodylanguageofthisshapewassomehowsendingoutsympathyandencouragementtome.

thisbecamemydailyroutineforthenextthreeweeks.asigainedalittlemorestrengththemanwouldbestandinginthedoorway,smilingandnoddingasiwouldpasswithoneormoremembersofmyfamily.onthefourthweekiwasallowedtosoloupthecorridor.asipassedhisroom,therewasmyfaithfulfriendinthedoorway.hewasaslenderdarkcomplexionedman.istoppedaminutetochat.heintroducedmetohiswife,andhissonwhowaslyinglistlesslyinahospitalbed.thenextdayasimademyscheduledwalk,hecameoutandwalkedwithmetomyroom.heexplainedthatheandhiswifehadbroughttheirteenagesontothishospitalofhopefromiran.theywerestillhoping,butthingswerenotgoingwell.hetoldmeofhowihadencouragedhimonthatfirstdreadfulnight’swalkingtourandhowhewasrootingforme.forthreemoreweekswecontinuedourconversations—eachgivingtheotherthegiftofcaringandfriendship.hetoldmeofhowheenjoyedseeingmyfamilyastheyralliedaroundmeandiwassaddenedbythelonelinessofthatsmallfamilysofarfromhome.

miraculously,theredidcomeadaywhenthedoctortoldmeiwouldbedischargedthefollowingmorning.thatnightitoldmyfriend.thenextmorninghecametomyroom.ihadbeenupanddressedsincedawn.mybrightyellowdressgavemehopeandialmostlookedhuman.wetalkedabit.itoldhimiwouldprayforhisson.hethankedmebutedhisshoulders,indicatingthehopelessness.weknewwewouldneverseeeachotheragain,inthisworld.thismaninhissorrowwassohappyforme.ifelthislove.hetookmyhandandsaid,“youaremysister.”iansweredbackandsaid,“youaremybrother.”heturnedandlefttheroom.

myfamilycametoretrieveme.doctorsandnurses,tosaytheirgoodbyesandgiveorders.allbusinesshadbeentakencareof.aftersevenandahalfweeksiwasleavingthehospitalroomihadwalkedintowithsomuchtrepidation.

asiturnedtowalkdownthecorridortotheelevator,mybrotherstoodinthedoorway,smiling,noddingandgivinghisblessing.

itwas14yearsagotodayonmarch17th1990thatienteredthatoperatingroomandmuchhashappenedtotheworldsincemybrotherandisaidourlastfarewell.yetithinkofhimoftenandheisalwaysinmyheartasifeeliaminhis.irememberhisintense,darkbrowneyesaswepledgedourselvesasbrotherandsister.atthatmoment,iknewwithoutadoubtthatthespiritofgodhoveredoverussmiling,noddingandblessinguswiththeknowledgethatweareallone.

manytimesihaveponderedovertheyearswhywehumansmeetourdearestfriendsorbondsodeeplywithanotherpersonwhenwearemostvulnerable.ithinkitisbecausewhenwefacealifethreateningillness,jobloss,whateverthecatastrophemaybe;weareleftcompletelywithoutanypretensionandourheartsandsoulsareopentothosearoundusandweareabletoaccepttheloveandkindnessesofothers—almostasfreelyandthankfullyaschildrenacceptlove.thiskindofloveisblindtorace,colorandcreedandleadstoapairofdarkbrowneyesseekingapairofveryblueeyesandpledgingalovethatwilllastthroughtime.