Chapter33

philipcouldnotgetmisswilkinson’sstoryoutofhishead.itwasclearenoughwhatshemeanteventhoughshecutitshort,andhewasalittleshocked.thatsortofthingwasallverywellformarriedwomen,hehadreadenoughfrenchnovelstoknowthatinfranceitwasindeedtherule,butmisswilkinsonwasenglishandunmarried;herfatherwasaclergyman.thenitstruckhimthattheart-studentprobablywasneitherthefirstnorthelastofherlovers,andhegasped:hehadneverlookeduponmisswilkinsonlikethat;itseemedincrediblethatanyoneshouldmakelovetoher.inhisingenuousnesshedoubtedherstoryaslittleashedoubtedwhathereadinbooks,andhewasangrythatsuchwonderfulthingsneverhappenedtohim.itwashumiliatingthatifmisswilkinsoninsisteduponhistellingherofhisadventuresinheidelberghewouldhavenothingtotell.itwastruethathehadsomepowerofinvention,buthewasnotsurewhetherhecouldpersuadeherthathewassteepedinvice;womenwerefullofintuition,hehadreadthat,andshemighteasilydiscoverthathewasfibbing.heblushedscarletashethoughtofherlaughinguphersleeve.

misswilkinsonplayedthepianoandsanginarathertiredvoice;buthersongs,massenet,benjamingoddard,andaugustaholmes,werenewtophilip;andtogethertheyspentmanyhoursatthepiano.onedayshewonderedifhehadavoiceandinsistedontryingit.shetoldhimhehadapleasantbaritoneandofferedtogivehimlessons.atfirstwithhisusualbashfulnessherefused,butsheinsisted,andtheneverymorningataconvenienttimeafterbreakfastshegavehimanhour’slesson.shehadanaturalgiftforteaching,anditwasclearthatshewasanexcellentgoverness.shehadmethodandfirmness.thoughherfrenchaccentwassomuchpartofherthatitremained,allthemellifluousnessofhermannerleftherwhenshewasengagedinteaching.sheputupwithnononsense.hervoicebecamealittleperemptory,andinstinctivelyshesuppressedinattentionandcorrectedslovenliness.sheknewwhatshewasaboutandputphiliptoscalesandexercises.

whenthelessonwasoversheresumedwithouteffortherseductivesmiles,hervoicebecameagainsoftandwinning,butphilipcouldnotsoeasilyputawaythepupilasshethepedagogue;andthisimpressionconvictedwiththefeelingsherstorieshadarousedinhim.helookedathermorenarrowly.helikedhermuchbetterintheeveningthaninthemorning.inthemorningshewasratherlinedandtheskinofherneckwasjustalittlerough.hewishedshewouldhideit,buttheweatherwasverywarmjustthenandsheworeblouseswhichwerecutlow.shewasveryfondofwhite;inthemorningitdidnotsuither.atnightsheoftenlookedveryattractive,sheputonagownwhichwasalmostadinnerdress,andsheworeachainofgarnetsroundherneck;thelaceaboutherbosomandatherelbowsgaveherapleasantsoftness,andthescentshewore(atblackstablenooneusedanythingbuteaudecologne,andthatonlyonsundaysorwhensufferingfromasickheadache)wastroublingandexotic.shereallylookedveryyoungthen.

philipwasmuchexercisedoverherage.headdedtwentyandseventeentogether,andcouldnotbringthemtoasatisfactorytotal.heaskedauntlouisamorethanoncewhyshethoughtmisswilkinsonwasthirty-seven:shedidn’tlookmorethanthirty,andeveryoneknewthatforeignersagedmorerapidlythanenglishwomen;misswilkinsonhadlivedsolongabroadthatshemightalmostbecalledaforeigner.hepersonallywouldn’thavethoughthermorethantwenty-six.

“she’smorethanthat,”saidauntlouisa.

philipdidnotbelieveintheaccuracyofthecareys’statements.alltheydistinctlyrememberedwasthatmisswilkinsonhadnotgotherhairupthelasttimetheysawherinlincolnshire.well,shemighthavebeentwelvethen:itwassolongagoandthevicarwasalwayssounreliable.theysaiditwastwentyyearsago,butpeopleusedroundfigures,anditwasjustaslikelytobeeighteenyears,orseventeen.seventeenandtwelvewereonlytwenty-nine,andhangitall,thatwasn’told,wasit?cleopatrawasforty-eightwhenantonythrewawaytheworldforhersake.

itwasafinesummer.dayafterdaywashotandcloudless;buttheheatwastemperedbytheneighbourhoodofthesea,andtherewasapleasantexhilarationintheair,sothatonewasexcitedandnotoppressedbytheaugustsunshine.therewasapondinthegardeninwhichafountainplayed;waterliliesgrewinitandgoldfishsunnedthemselvesonthesurface.philipandmisswilkinsonusedtotakerugsandcushionsthereafterdinnerandlieonthelawnintheshadeofatallhedgeofroses.theytalkedandreadalltheafternoon.theysmokedcigarettes,whichthevicardidnotallowinthehouse;hethoughtsmokingadisgustinghabit,andusedfrequentlytosaythatitwasdisgracefulforanyonetogrowaslavetoahabit.heforgotthathewashimselfaslavetoafternoontea.

onedaymisswilkinsongavephiliplaviedeboheme.shehadfounditbyaccidentwhenshewasrummagingamongthebooksinthevicar’sstudy.ithadbeenboughtinalotwithsomethingmr.careywantedandhadremainedundiscoveredfortenyears.

philipbegantoreadmurger’sfascinating,ill-written,absurdmasterpiece,andfellatonceunderitsspell.hissouldancedwithjoyatthatpictureofstarvationwhichissogood-humoured,ofsqualorwhichissopicturesque,ofsordidlovewhichissoromantic,ofbathoswhichissomoving.rodolpheandmimi,musetteandschaunard!theywanderthroughthegraystreetsofthelatinquarter,findingrefugenowinoneattic,nowinanother,intheirquaintcostumesoflouisphilippe,withtheirtearsandtheirsmiles,happy-go-luckyandreckless.whocanresistthem?itisonlywhenyoureturntothebookwithasounderjudgmentthatyoufindhowgrosstheirpleasureswere,howvulgartheirminds;andyoufeeltheutterworthlessness,asartistsandashumanbeings,ofthatgayprocession.philipwasenraptured.

“don’tyouwishyouweregoingtoparisinsteadoflondon?”askedmisswilkinson,smilingathisenthusiasm.

“it’stoolatenowevenifidid,”heanswered.

duringthefortnighthehadbeenbackfromgermanytherehadbeenmuchdiscussionbetweenhimselfandhisuncleabouthisfuture.hehadrefuseddefinitelytogotooxford,andnowthattherewasnochanceofhisgettingscholarshipsevenmr.careycametotheconclusionthathecouldnotaffordit.hisentirefortunehadconsistedofonlytwothousandpounds,andthoughithadbeeninvestedinmortgagesatfivepercent,hehadnotbeenabletoliveontheinterest.itwasnowalittlereduced.itwouldbeabsurdtospendtwohundredayear,theleasthecouldliveonatauniversity,forthreeyearsatoxfordwhichwouldleadhimnonearertoearninghisliving.hewasanxioustogostraighttolondon.mrs.careythoughttherewereonlyfourprofessionsforagentleman,thearmy,thenavy,thelaw,andthechurch.shehadaddedmedicinebecauseherbrother-in-lawpractisedit,butdidnotforgetthatinheryoungdaysnooneeverconsideredthedoctoragentleman.thefirsttwowereoutofthequestion,andphilipwasfirminhisrefusaltobeordained.onlythelawremained.thelocaldoctorhadestedthatmanygentlemennowwentinforengineering,butmrs.careyopposedtheideaatonce.

“ishouldn’tlikephiliptogointotrade,”shesaid.

“no,hemusthaveaprofession,”answeredthevicar.

“whynotmakehimadoctorlikehisfather?”  “ishouldhateit,”saidphilip.

mrs.careywasnotsorry.thebarseemedoutofthequestion,sincehewasnotgoingtooxford,forthecareyswereundertheimpressionthatadegreewasstillnecessaryforessinthatcalling;andfinallyitwasestedthatheshouldbecomearticledtoasolicitor.theywrotetothefamilylawyer,albertnixon,whowasco-executorwiththevicarofblackstableforthelatehenrycarey’sestate,andaskedhimwhetherhewouldtakephilip.inadayortwotheanswercamebackthathehadnotavacancy,andwasverymuchopposedtothewholescheme;theprofessionwasgreatlyovercrowded,andwithoutcapitalorconnectionsamanhadsmallchanceofbecomingmorethanamanagingclerk;heested,however,thatphilipshouldbecomeacharteredaccountant.neitherthevicarnorhiswifeknewintheleastwhatthiswas,andphiliphadneverheardofanyonebeingacharteredaccountant;butanotherletterfromthesolicitorexplainedthatthegrowthofmodernbusinessesandtheincreaseofcompanieshadledtotheformationofmanyfirmsofaccountantstoexaminethebooksandputintothefinancialaffairsoftheirclientsanorderwhichold-fashionedmethodshadlacked.someyearsbeforearoyalcharterhadbeenobtained,andtheprofessionwasbecomingeveryyearmorerespectable,lucrative,andimportant.thecharteredaccountantswhomalbertnixonhademployedforthirtyyearshappenedtohaveavacancyforanarticledpupil,andwouldtakephilipforafeeofthreehundredpounds.halfofthiswouldbereturnedduringthefiveyearsthearticleslastedintheformofsalary.theprospectwasnotexciting,butphilipfeltthathemustdecideonsomething,andthethoughtoflivinginlondonover-balancedtheslightshrinkinghefelt.thevicarofblackstablewrotetoaskmr.nixonwhetheritwasaprofessionsuitedtoagentleman;andmr.nixonrepliedthat,sincethecharter,menweregoingintoitwhohadbeentopublicschoolsandauniversity;moreover,ifphilipdislikedtheworkandafterayearwishedtoleave,herbertcarter,forthatwastheaccountant’sname,wouldreturnhalfthemoneypaidforthearticles.thissettledit,anditwasarrangedthatphilipshouldstartworkonthefifteenthofseptember.

“ihaveafullmonthbeforeme,”saidphilip.

“andthenyougotofreedomanditobondage,”returnedmisswilkinson.

herholidaysweretolastsixweeks,andshewouldbeleavingblackstableonlyadayortwobeforephilip.

“iwonderifweshallevermeetagain,”shesaid.

“idon’tknowwhynot.”

“oh,don’tspeakinthatpracticalway.ineverknewanyonesounsentimental.”

philipreddened.hewasafraidthatmisswilkinsonwouldthinkhimamilksop:afterallshewasayoungwoman,sometimesquitepretty,andhewasgettingonfortwenty;itwasabsurdthattheyshouldtalkofnothingbutartandliterature.heoughttomakelovetoher.theyhadtalkedagooddealoflove.therewastheart-studentintheruebreda,andthentherewasthepainterinwhosefamilyshehadlivedsolonginparis:hehadaskedhertositforhim,andhadstartedtomakelovetohersoviolentlythatshewasforcedtoinventexcusesnottosittohimagain.itwasclearenoughthatmisswilkinsonwasusedtoattentionsofthatsort.shelookedverynicenowinalargestrawhat:itwashotthatafternoon,thehottestdaytheyhadhad,andbeadsofsweatstoodinalineonherupperlip.hecalledtomindfrauleincacilieandherrsung.hehadneverthoughtofcacilieinanamorousway,shewasexceedinglyplain;butnow,lookingback,theaffairseemedveryromantic.hehadachanceofromancetoo.misswilkinsonwaspracticallyfrench,andthataddedzesttoapossibleadventure.whenhethoughtofitatnightinbed,orwhenhesatbyhimselfinthegardenreadingabook,hewasthrilledbyit;butwhenhesawmisswilkinsonitseemedlesspicturesque.

atallevents,afterwhatshehadtoldhim,shewouldnotbesurprisedifhemadelovetoher.hehadafeelingthatshemustthinkitoddofhimtomakenosign:perhapsitwasonlyhisfancy,butonceortwiceinthelastdayortwohehadimaginedthattherewasasuspicionofcontemptinhereyes.

“apennyforyourthoughts,”saidmisswilkinson,lookingathimwithasmile.

“i’mnotgoingtotellyou,”heanswered.

hewasthinkingthatheoughttokissherthereandthen.hewonderedifsheexpectedhimtodoit;butafterallhedidn’tseehowhecouldwithoutanypreliminarybusinessatall.shewouldjustthinkhimmad,orshemightslaphisface;andperhapsshewouldcomplaintohisuncle.hewonderedhowherrsunghadstartedwithfrauleincacilie.itwouldbebeastlyifshetoldhisuncle:heknewwhathisunclewas,hewouldtellthedoctorandjosiahgraves;andhewouldlookaperfectfool.auntlouisakeptonsayingthatmisswilkinsonwasthirty-sevenifshewasaday;heshudderedatthethoughtoftheridiculehewouldbeexposedto;theywouldsayshewasoldenoughtobehismother.

“twopenceforyourthoughts,”smiledmisswilkinson.

“iwasthinkingaboutyou,”heansweredboldly.

thatatalleventscommittedhimtonothing.

“whatwereyouthinking?”

“ah,nowyouwanttoknowtoomuch.”

“naughtyboy!”saidmisswilkinson.

thereitwasagain!wheneverhehadeededinworkinghimselfupshesaidsomethingwhichremindedhimofthegoverness.shecalledhimplayfullyanaughtyboywhenhedidnotsinghisexercisestohersatisfaction.thistimehegrewquitesulky.

“iwishyouwouldn’ttreatmeasifiwereachild.”

“areyoucross?”

“very.”

“ididn’tmeanto.”

sheputoutherhandandhetookit.onceortwicelatelywhentheyshookhandsatnighthehadfanciedsheslightlypressedhishand,butthistimetherewasnodoubtaboutit.

hedidnotquiteknowwhatheoughttosaynext.hereatlastwashischanceofanadventure,andhewouldbeafoolnottotakeit;butitwasalittleordinary,andhehadexpectedmoreglamour.hehadreadmanydescriptionsoflove,andhefeltinhimselfnoneofthatuprushofemotionwhichnovelistsdescribed;hewasnotcarriedoffhisfeetinwaveuponwaveofpassion;norwasmisswilkinsontheideal:hehadoftenpicturedtohimselfthegreatvioleteyesandthealabasterskinofsomelovelygirl,andhehadthoughtofhimselfburyinghisfaceintheripplingmassesofherauburnhair.hecouldnotimaginehimselfburyinghisfaceinmisswilkinson’shair,italwaysstruckhimasalittlesticky.allthesameitwouldbeverysatisfactorytohaveanintrigue,andhethrilledwiththelegitimatepridehewouldenjoyinhisconquest.heowedittohimselftoseduceher.hemadeuphismindtokissmisswilkinson;notthen,butintheevening;itwouldbeeasierinthedark,andafterhehadkissedhertherestwouldfollow.hewouldkissherthatveryevening.hesworeanoathtothateffect.

helaidhisplans.aftersupperheestedthattheyshouldtakeastrollinthegarden.misswilkinsonaccepted,andtheysaunteredsidebyside.philipwasverynervous.hedidnotknowwhy,buttheconversationwouldnotleadintherightdirection;hehaddecidedthatthefirstthingtodowastoputhisarmroundherwaist;buthecouldnotsuddenlyputhisarmroundherwaistwhenshewastalkingoftheregattawhichwastobeheldnextweek.heledherartfullyintothedarkestpartsofthegarden,buthavingarrivedtherehiscouragefailedhim.theysatonabench,andhehadreallymadeuphismindthatherewashisopportunitywhenmisswilkinsonsaidshewassuretherewereearwigsandinsistedonmoving.theywalkedroundthegardenoncemore,andphilippromisedhimselfhewouldtaketheplungebeforetheyarrivedatthatbenchagain;butastheypassedthehouse,theysawmrs.careystandingatthedoor.

“hadn’tyouyoungpeoplebettercomein?i’msurethenightairisn’tgoodforyou.”

“perhapswehadbettergoin,”saidphilip.“idon’twantyoutocatchcold.”

hesaiditwithasighofrelief.hecouldattemptnothingmorethatnight.butafterwards,whenhewasaloneinhisroom,hewasfuriouswithhimself.hehadbeenaperfectfool.hewascertainthatmisswilkinsonexpectedhimtokissher,otherwiseshewouldn’thavecomeintothegarden.shewasalwayssayingthatonlyfrenchmenknewhowtotreatwomen.philiphadreadfrenchnovels.ifhehadbeenafrenchmanhewouldhaveseizedherinhisarmsandtoldherpassionatelythatheadoredher;hewouldhavepressedhislipsonhernuque.hedidnotknowwhyfrenchmenalwayskissedladiesonthenuque.hedidnothimselfseeanythingsoveryattractiveinthenapeoftheneck.ofcourseitwasmucheasierforfrenchmentodothesethings;thelanguagewassuchanaid;philipcouldneverhelpfeelingthattosaypassionatethingsinenglishsoundedalittleabsurd.hewishednowthathehadneverundertakenthesiegeofmisswilkinson’svirtue;thefirstfortnighthadbeensojolly,andnowhewaswretched;buthewasdeterminednottogivein,hewouldneverrespecthimselfagainifhedid,andhemadeuphismindirrevocablythatthenextnighthewouldkissherwithoutfail.

nextdaywhenhegotuphesawitwasraining,andhisfirstthoughtwasthattheywouldnotbeabletogointothegardenthatevening.hewasinhighspiritsatbreakfast.misswilkinsonsentmaryannintosaythatshehadaheadacheandwouldremaininbed.shedidnotcomedowntilltea-time,whensheappearedinabecomingwrapperandapaleface;butshewasquiterecoveredbysupper,andthemealwasverycheerful.afterprayersshesaidshewouldgostraighttobed,andshekissedmrs.carey.thensheturnedtophilip.

“goodgracious!”shecried.“iwasjustgoingtokissyoutoo.”

“whydon’tyou?”hesaid.

shelaughedandheldoutherhand.shedistinctlypressedhis.

thefollowingdaytherewasnotacloudinthesky,andthegardenwassweetandfreshaftertherain.philipwentdowntothebeachtobatheandwhenhecamehomeateamagnificentdinner.theywerehavingatennispartyatthevicarageintheafternoonandmisswilkinsonputonherbestdress.shecertainlyknewhowtowearherclothes,andphilipcouldnothelpnoticinghowelegantshelookedbesidethecurate’swifeandthedoctor’smarrieddaughter.thereweretworosesinherwaistband.shesatinagardenchairbythesideofthelawn,holdingaredparasoloverherself,andthelightonherfacewasverybecoming.philipwasfondoftennis.heservedwellandasheranclumsilyplayedclosetothenet:notwithstandinghisclub-foothewasquick,anditwasdifficulttogetaballpasthim.hewaspleasedbecausehewonallhissets.atteahelaydownatmisswilkinson’sfeet,hotandpanting.

“flannelssuityou,”shesaid.“youlookverynicethisafternoon.”