Chapter111

nextdayphilipbeganworkagain,buttheendwhichheexpectedwithinafewweeksdidnotcome.theweekspassedintomonths.thewinterworeaway,andintheparksthetreesburstintobudandintoleaf.aterriblelassitudesettleduponphilip.timewaspassing,thoughitwentwithsuchheavyfeet,andhethoughtthathisyouthwasgoingandsoonhewouldhavelostitandnothingwouldhavebeenaccomplished.hisworkseemedmoreaimlessnowthattherewasthecertaintyofhisleavingit.hebecameskilfulinthedesigningofcostumes,andthoughhehadnoinventivefacultyacquiredquicknessintheadaptationoffrenchfashionstotheenglishmarket.sometimeshewasnotdispleasedwithhisdrawings,buttheyalwaysbungledthemintheexecution.hewasamusedtonoticethathesufferedfromalivelyirritationwhenhisideaswerenotadequatelycarriedout.hehadtowalkwarily.wheneverheestedsomethingoriginalmr.sampsonturneditdown:theircustomersdidnotwantanythingoutre,itwasaveryrespectableclassofbusiness,andwhenyouhadaconnectionofthatsortitwasn’tworthwhiletakinglibertieswithit.onceortwicehespokesharplytophilip;hethoughttheyoungmanwasgettingabitabovehimself,becausephilip’sideasdidnotalwayscoincidewithhisown.

“youjollywelltakecare,myfineyoungfellow,oroneofthesedaysyou’llfindyourselfinthestreet.”  philiplongedtogivehimapunchonthenose,butherestrainedhimself.afterallitcouldnotpossiblylastmuchlonger,andthenhewouldbedonewithallthesepeopleforever.sometimesincomicdesperationhecriedoutthathisunclemustbemadeofiron.whataconstitution!theillshesufferedfromwouldhavekilledanydecentpersontwelvemonthsbefore.whenatlastthenewscamethatthevicarwasdyingphilip,whohadbeenthinkingofotherthings,wastakenbysurprise.itwasinjuly,andinanotherfortnighthewastohavegoneforhisholiday.hereceivedaletterfrommrs.fostertosaythedoctordidnotgivemr.careymanydaystolive,andifphilipwishedtoseehimagainhemustcomeatonce.philipwenttothebuyerandtoldhimhewantedtoleave.mr.sampsonwasadecentfellow,andwhenheknewthecircumstancesmadenodifficulties.philipsaidgood-byetothepeopleinhisdepartment;thereasonofhisleavinghadspreadamongtheminaneratedform,andtheythoughthehadcomeintoafortune.mrs.hodgeshadtearsinhereyeswhensheshookhandswithhim.

“isupposeweshan’toftenseeyouagain,”shesaid.

“i’mgladtogetawayfromlynn’s,”heanswered.

itwasstrange,buthewasactuallysorrytoleavethesepeoplewhomhethoughthehadloathed,andwhenhedroveawayfromthehouseinharringtonstreetitwaswithnoexultation.hehadsoanticipatedtheemotionshewouldexperienceonthisoccasionthatnowhefeltnothing:hewasasunconcernedasthoughheweregoingforafewdays’holiday.

“i’vegotarottennature,”hesaidtohimself.“ilookforwardtothingsawfully,andthenwhentheycomei’malwaysdisappointed.”

hereachedblackstableearlyintheafternoon.mrs.fostermethimatthedoor,andherfacetoldhimthathisunclewasnotyetdead.

“he’salittlebettertoday,”shesaid.“he’sgotawonderfulconstitution.”

sheledhimintothebed-roomwheremr.careylayonhisback.hegavephilipaslightsmile,inwhichwasatraceofsatisfiedcunningathavingcircumventedhisenemyoncemore.

“ithoughtitwasallupwithmeyesterday,”hesaid,inanexhaustedvoice.“they’dallgivenmeup,hadn’tyou,mrs.foster?”

“you’vegotawonderfulconstitution,there’snodenyingthat.”

“there’slifeintheolddogyet.”

mrs.fostersaidthatthevicarmustnottalk,itwouldtirehim;shetreatedhimlikeachild,withkindlydespotism;andtherewassomethingchildishintheoldman’ssatisfactionathavingcheatedalltheirexpectations.itstruckhimatoncethatphiliphadbeensentfor,andhewasamusedthathehadbeenbroughtonafool’serrand.ifhecouldonlyavoidanotherofhisheartattackshewouldgetwellenoughinaweekortwo;andhehadhadtheattacksseveraltimesbefore;healwaysfeltasifheweregoingtodie,butheneverdid.theyalltalkedofhisconstitution,buttheynoneofthemknewhowstrongitwas.

“areyougoingtostayadayortwo?”heaskedphilip,pretendingtobelievehehadcomedownforaholiday.

“iwasthinkingofit,”philipansweredcheerfully.

“abreathofsea-airwilldoyougood.”

presentlydr.wigramcame,andafterhehadseenthevicartalkedwithphilip.headoptedanappropriatemanner.

“i’mafraiditistheendthistime,philip,”hesaid.“it’llbeagreatlosstoallofus.i’veknownhimforfive-and-thirtyyears.”

“heseemswellenoughnow,”saidphilip.

“i’mkeepinghimaliveondrugs,butitcan’tlast.itwasdreadfultheselasttwodays,ithoughthewasdeadhalfadozentimes.”

thedoctorwassilentforaminuteortwo,butatthegatehesaidsuddenlytophilip:

“hasmrs.fostersaidanythingtoyou?”

“whatd’youmean?”

“they’reverysuperstitious,thesepeople:she’sgotholdofanideathathe’sgotsomethingonhismind,andhecan’tdietillhegetsridofit;andhecan’tbringhimselftoconfessit.”

philipdidnotanswer,andthedoctorwenton.

“ofcourseit’snonsense.he’sledaverygoodlife,he’sdonehisduty,he’sbeenagoodparishpriest,andi’msureweshallallmisshim;hecan’thaveanythingtoreproachhimselfwith.iverymuchdoubtwhetherthenextvicarwillsuitushalfsowell.”

forseveraldaysmr.careycontinuedwithoutchange.hisappetitewhichhadbeenexcellentlefthim,andhecouldeatlittle.dr.wigramdidnothesitatenowtostillthepainoftheneuritiswhichtormentedhim;andthat,withtheconstantshakingofhispalsiedlimbs,wasgraduallyexhaustinghim.hismindremainedclear.philipandmrs.fosternursedhimbetweenthem.shewassotiredbythemanymonthsduringwhichshehadbeenattentivetoallhiswantsthatphilipinsistedonsittingupwiththepatientsothatshemighthavehernight’srest.hepassedthelonghoursinanarm-chairsothatheshouldnotsleepsoundly,andreadbythelightofshadedcandlesthethousandandonenights.hehadnotreadthemsincehewasalittleboy,andtheybroughtbackhischildhoodtohim.sometimeshesatandlistenedtothesilenceofthenight.whentheeffectsoftheopiateworeoffmr.careygrewrestlessandkepthimconstantlybusy.

atlast,earlyonemorning,whenthebirdswerechatteringnoisilyinthetrees,heheardhisnamecalled.hewentuptothebed.mr.careywaslyingonhisback,withhiseyeslookingattheceiling;hedidnotturnthemonphilip.philipsawthatsweatwasonhisforehead,andhetookatowelandwipedit.

“isthatyou,philip?”theoldmanasked.

philipwasstartledbecausethevoicewassuddenlychanged.itwashoarseandlow.sowouldamanspeakifhewascoldwithfear.

“yes,d’youwantanything?”

therewasapause,andstilltheunseeingeyesstaredattheceiling.thenatwitchpassedovertheface.

“ithinki’mgoingtodie,”hesaid.

“oh,whatnonsense!”criedphilip.“you’renotgoingtodieforyears.”

twotearswerewrungfromtheoldman’seyes.theymovedphiliphorribly.hisunclehadneverbetrayedanyparticularemotionintheaffairsoflife;anditwasdreadfultoseethemnow,fortheysignifiedaterrorthatwasunspeakable.

“sendformr.simmonds,”hesaid.“iwanttotakethecommunion.”

mr.simmondswasthecurate.

“now?”askedphilip.

“soon,orelseit’llbetoolate.”

philipwenttoawakemrs.foster,butitwaslaterthanhethoughtandshewasupalready.hetoldhertosendthegardenerwithamessage,andhewentbacktohisuncle’sroom.

“haveyousentformr.simmonds?”

“yes.”

therewasasilence.philipsatbythebed-side,andoccasionallywipedthesweatingforehead.

“letmeholdyourhand,philip,”theoldmansaidatlast.

philipgavehimhishandandheclungtoitastolife,forcomfortinhisextremity.perhapshehadneverreallylovedanyoneinallhisdays,butnowheturnedinstinctivelytoahumanbeing.hishandwaswetandcold.itgraspedphilip’swithfeeble,despairingenergy.theoldmanwasfightingwiththefearofdeath.andphilipthoughtthatallmustgothroughthat.oh,howmonstrousitwas,andtheycouldbelieveinagodthatallowedhiscreaturestosuffersuchacrueltorture!hehadnevercaredforhisuncle,andfortwoyearshehadlongedeverydayforhisdeath;butnowhecouldnotovercomethecompassionthatfilledhisheart.whatapriceitwastopayforbeingotherthanthebeasts!

theyremainedinsilencebrokenonlyoncebyalowinquiryfrommr.carey.

“hasn’thecomeyet?”

atlastthehousekeepercameinsoftlytosaythatmr.simmondswasthere.hecarriedabaginwhichwerehissurpliceandhishood.mrs.fosterbroughtthecommunionplate.mr.simmondsshookhandssilentlywithphilip,andthenwithprofessionalgravitywenttothesickman’sside.philipandthemaidwentoutoftheroom.

philipwalkedroundthegardenallfreshanddewyinthemorning.thebirdsweresinginggaily.theskywasblue,buttheair,salt-laden,wassweetandcool.theroseswereinfullbloom.thegreenofthetrees,thegreenofthelawns,waseagerandbrilliant.philipwalked,andashewalkedhethoughtofthemysterywhichwasproceedinginthatbedroom.itgavehimapeculiaremotion.presentlymrs.fostercameouttohimandsaidthathisunclewishedtoseehim.thecuratewasputtinghisthingsbackintotheblackbag.thesickmanturnedhisheadalittleandgreetedhimwithasmile.philipwasastonished,fortherewasachangeinhim,anextraordinarychange;hiseyeshadnolongertheterror-strickenlook,andthepinchingofhisfacehadgone:helookedhappyandserene.

“i’mquitepreparednow,”hesaid,andhisvoicehadadifferenttoneinit.“whenthelordseesfittocallmeiamreadytogivemysoulintohishands.”