Chapter91

nextdayhegotupearlytomaketheroomreadyformildred.hetoldthewomanwhohadlookedafterhimthathewouldnotwantheranymore.mildredcameaboutsix,andphilip,whowaswatchingfromthewindow,wentdowntoletherinandhelphertobringuptheage:itconsistednowofnomorethanthreelargeparcelswrappedinbrownpaper,forshehadbeenobligedtoselleverythingthatwasnotabsolutelyneedful.sheworethesameblacksilkdressshehadwornthenightbefore,and,thoughshehadnownorougeonhercheeks,therewasstillabouthereyestheblackwhichremainedafteraperfunctorywashinthemorning:itmadeherlookveryill.shewasapatheticfigureasshesteppedoutofthecabwiththebabyinherarms.sheseemedalittleshy,andtheyfoundnothingbutcommonplacethingstosaytooneanother.

“soyou’vegothereallright.”  “i’veneverlivedinthispartoflondonbefore.”

philipshowedhertheroom.itwasthatinwhichcronshawhaddied.philip,thoughhethoughtitabsurd,hadneverlikedtheideaofgoingbacktoit;andsincecronshaw’sdeathhehadremainedinthelittleroom,sleepingonafold-upbed,intowhichhehadfirstmovedinordertomakehisfriendcomfortable.thebabywassleepingplacidly.

“youdon’trecogniseher,iexpect,”saidmildred.

“i’venotseenhersincewetookherdowntobrighton.”

“whereshalliputher?she’ssoheavyican’tcarryherverylong.”

“i’mafraidihaven’tgotacradle,”saidphilip,withanervouslaugh.

“oh,she’llsleepwithme.shealwaysdoes.”

mildredputthebabyinanarm-chairandlookedroundtheroom.sherecognisedmostofthethingswhichshehadknowninhisoldings.onlyonethingwasnew,aheadandshouldersofphilipwhichlawsonhadpaintedattheendoftheprecedingsummer;ithungoverthechimney-piece;mildredlookedatitcritically.

“insomewaysilikeitandinsomewaysidon’t.ithinkyou’rebetterlookingthanthat.”

“thingsarelookingup,”laughedphilip.“you’venevertoldmeiwasgood-lookingbefore.”

“i’mnotonetoworrymyselfaboutaman’slooks.idon’tlikegood-lookingmen.they’retooconceitedforme.”

hereyestravelledroundtheroominaninstinctivesearchforalooking-glass,buttherewasnone;sheputupherhandandpattedherlargefringe.

“what’lltheotherpeopleinthehousesaytomybeinghere?”sheaskedsuddenly.

“oh,there’sonlyamanandhiswifelivinghere.he’soutallday,andineverseeherexceptonsaturdaytopaymyrent.theykeepentirelytothemselves.i’venotspokentwowordstoeitherofthemsinceicame.”

mildredwentintothebedroomtoundoherthingsandputthemaway.philiptriedtoread,buthisspiritsweretoohigh:heleanedbackinhischair,smokingacigarette,andwithsmilingeyeslookedatthesleepingchild.hefeltveryhappy.hewasquitesurethathewasnotatallinlovewithmildred.hewassurprisedthattheoldfeelinghadlefthimsocompletely;hediscernedinhimselfafaintphysicalrepulsionfromher;andhethoughtthatifhetouchedheritwouldgivehimgoose-flesh.hecouldnotunderstandhimself.presently,knockingatthedoor,shecameinagain.

“isay,youneedn’tknock,”hesaid.“haveyoumadethetourofthemansion?”

“it’sthesmallestkitcheni’veeverseen.”

“you’llfinditlargeenoughtocookoursumptuousrepasts,”heretortedlightly.

“iseethere’snothingin.i’dbettergooutandgetsomething.”

“yes,butiventuretoremindyouthatwemustbedevilisheconomical.”

“whatshalligetforsupper?”

“you’dbettergetwhatyouthinkyoucancook,”laughedphilip.

hegavehersomemoneyandshewentout.shecameinhalfanhourlaterandputherpurchasesonthetable.shewasoutofbreathfromclimbingthestairs.

“isay,youareanaemic,”saidphilip.“i’llhavetodoseyouwithblaud’spills.”

“ittookmesometimetofindtheshops.iboughtsomeliver.that’stasty,isn’tit?andyoucan’teatmuchofit,soit’smoreeconomicalthanbutcher’smeat.”

therewasagasstoveinthekitchen,andwhenshehadputtheliveron,mildredcameintothesitting-

roomtolaythecloth.

“whyareyouonlylayingoneplace?”askedphilip.“aren’tyougoingtoeatanything?”

mildredflushed.

“ithoughtyoumightn’tlikemetohavemymealswithyou.”

“whyonearthnot?”

“well,i’monlyaservant,aren’ti?”

“don’tbeanass.howcanyoubesosilly?”

hesmiled,butherhumilitygavehimacurioustwistinhisheart.poorthing!herememberedwhatshehadbeenwhenfirstheknewher.hehesitatedforaninstant.

“don’tthinki’mconferringanybenefitonyou,”hesaid.“it’ssimplyabusinessarrangement,i’mgivingyouboardandlodginginreturnforyourwork.youdon’towemeanything.andthere’snothinghumiliatingtoyouinit.”

shedidnotanswer,buttearsrolledheavilydownhercheeks.philipknewfromhisexperienceatthehospitalthatwomenofherclasslookeduponserviceasdegrading:hecouldnothelpfeelingalittleimpatientwithher;butheblamedhimself,foritwasclearthatshewastiredandill.hegotupandhelpedhertolayanotherplaceatthetable.thebabywasawakenow,andmildredhadpreparedsomemellin’sfoodforit.theliverandbaconwerereadyandtheysatdown.foreconomy’ssakephiliphadgivenupdrinkinganythingbutwater,buthehadinthehouseahalfabottleofwhiskey,andhethoughtalittlewoulddomildredgood.hedidhisbesttomakethesupperpasscheerfully,butmildredwassubduedandexhausted.whentheyhadfinishedshegotuptoputthebabytobed.

“ithinkyou’lldowelltoturninearlyyourself,”saidphilip.“youlookabsolutedoneup.”

“ithinkiwillafteri’vewashedup.”

philiplithispipeandbegantoread.itwaspleasant

tohearsomebodymovingaboutinthenextroom.sometimeshislonelinesshadoppressedhim.mildredcameintoclearthetable,andheheardtheclatterofplatesasshewashedup.philipsmiledashethoughthowcharacteristicitwasofherthatsheshoulddoallthatinablacksilkdress.buthehadworktodo,andhebroughthisbookuptothetable.hewasreadingosler’smedicine,whichhadrecentlytakentheplaceinthestudents’favouroftaylor’swork,formanyyearsthetext-bookmostinuse.presentlymildredcamein,rollingdownhersleeves.philipgaveheracasualglance,butdidnotmove;theoccasionwascurious,andhefeltalittlenervous.hefearedthatmildredmightimaginehewasgoingtomakeanuisanceofhimself,andhedidnotquiteknowhowwithoutbrutalitytoreassureher.

“bytheway,i’vegotalectureatnine,soishouldwantbreakfastataquarterpasteight.canyoumanagethat?”

“oh,yes.why,wheniwasinparliamentstreetiusedtocatchtheeight-twelvefromhernehilleverymorning.”

“ihopeyou’llfindyourroomcomfortable.you’llbeadifferentwomantomorrowafteralongnightinbed.”

“isupposeyouworktilllate?”

“igenerallyworktillaboutelevenorhalf-past.”

“i’llsaygood-nightthen.”

“good-night.”

thetablewasbetweenthem.hedidnotoffertoshakehandswithher.sheshutthedoorquietly.heheardhermovingaboutinthebed-room,andinalittlewhileheheardthecreakingofthebedasshegotin.