Chapter60

theydinedinsoho.philipwastremulouswithjoy.itwasnotoneofthemorecrowdedofthosecheaprestaurantswheretherespectableandneedydineinthebeliefthatitisbohemianandtheassurancethatitiseconomical.itwasahumbleestablishment,keptbyagoodmanfromrouenandhiswife,thatphiliphaddiscoveredbyaccident.hehadbeenattractedbythegalliclookofthewindow,inwhichwasgenerallyanuncookedsteakononeplateandoneachsidetwodishesofrawvegetables.therewasoneseedyfrenchwaiter,whowasattemptingtolearnenglishinahousewhereheneverheardanythingbutfrench;andthecustomerswereafewladiesofeasyvirtue,amenageortwo,whohadtheirownnapkinsreservedforthem,andafewqueermenwhocameinforhurried,scantymeals.

heremildredandphilipwereabletogetatabletothemselves.philipsentthewaiterforabottleofburgundyfromtheneighbouringtavern,andtheyhadapotageauxherbes,asteakfromthewindowauxpommes,andanomeletteaukirsch.therewasreallyanairofromanceinthemealandintheplace.mildred,atfirstalittlereservedinherappreciation—”ineverquitetrusttheseforeignplaces,youneverknowwhatthereisinthesemessedupdishes”—wasinsensiblymovedbyit.

“ilikethisplace,philip,”shesaid.“youfeelyoucanputyourelbowsonthetable,don’tyou?”  atallfellowcamein,withamaneofgrayhairandaedthinbeard.heworeadilapidatedcloakandawide-awakehat.henoddedtophilip,whohadmethimtherebefore.

“helookslikeananarchist,”saidmildred.

“heis,oneofthemostdangerousineurope.he’sbeenineveryprisononthecontinentandhasassassinatedmorepersonsthananygentlemanunhung.healwaysgoesaboutwithabombinhispocket,andofcourseitmakesconversationalittledifficultbecauseifyoudon’tagreewithhimhelaysitonthetableinamarkedmanner.”

shelookedatthemanwithhorrorandsurprise,andthenglancedsuspiciouslyatphilip.shesawthathiseyeswerelaughing.shefrownedalittle.

“you’regettingatme.”

hegavealittleshoutofjoy.hewassohappy.butmildreddidn’tlikebeinglaughedat.

“idon’tseeanythingfunnyintellinglies.”

“don’tbecross.”

hetookherhand,whichwaslyingonthetable,andpresseditgently.

“youarelovely,andicouldkissthegroundyouwalkon,”hesaid.

thegreenishpallorofherskinintoxicatedhim,andherthinwhitelipshadanextraordinaryfascination.

heranaemiamadeherrathershortofbreath,andsheheldhermouthslightlyopen.itseemedtoaddsomehowtotheattractivenessofherface.

“youdolikemeabit,don’tyou?”heasked.

“well,ifididn’tisupposeishouldn’tbehere,shouldi?you’reagentlemanineverysenseoftheword,iwillsaythatforyou.”

theyhadfinishedtheirdinnerandweredrinkingcoffee.philip,throwingeconomytothewinds,smokedathree-pennycigar.

“youcan’timaginewhatapleasureitistomejusttositoppositeandlookatyou.i’veyearnedforyou.iwassickforasightofyou.”

mildredsmiledalittleandfaintlyflushed.shewasnotthensufferingfromthedyspepsiawhichgenerallyattackedherimmediatelyafterameal.shefeltmorekindlydisposedtophilipthaneverbefore,andtheustomedtendernessinhereyesfilledhimwithjoy.heknewinstinctivelythatitwasmadnesstogivehimselfintoherhands;hisonlychancewastotreathercasuallyandneverallowhertoseetheuntamedpassionsthatseethedinhisbreast;shewouldonlytakeadvantageofhisweakness;buthecouldnotbeprudentnow:hetoldheralltheagonyhehadenduredduringtheseparationfromher;hetoldherofhisleswithhimself,howhehadtriedtogetoverhispassion,thoughthehadeeded,andhowhefoundoutthatitwasasstrongasever.heknewthathehadneverreallywantedtogetoverit.helovedhersomuchthathedidnotmindsuffering.hebaredhishearttoher.heshowedherproudlyallhisweakness.

nothingwouldhavepleasedhimmorethantositoninthecosy,shabbyrestaurant,butheknewthatmildredwantedentertainment.shewasrestlessand,wherevershewas,wantedafterawhiletogosomewhereelse.hedarednotboreher.

“isay,howaboutgoingtoamusic-hall?”hesaid.

hethoughtrapidlythatifshecaredforhimatallshe

wouldsayshepreferredtostaythere.

“iwasjustthinkingweoughttobegoingifwearegoing,”sheanswered.

“comeonthen.”

philipwaitedimpatientlyfortheendoftheperformance.hehadmadeuphismindexactlywhattodo,andwhentheygotintothecabhepassedhisarm,asthoughalmostbyaccident,roundherwaist.buthedrewitbackquicklywithalittlecry.hehadprickedhimself.shelaughed.

“there,thatcomesofputtingyourarmwhereit’sgotnobusinesstobe,”shesaid.“ialwaysknowwhenmentryandputtheirarmroundmywaist.thatpinalwayscatchesthem.”

“i’llbemorecareful.”

heputhisarmroundagain.shemadenoobjection.

“i’msocomfortable,”hesighedblissfully.

“solongasyou’rehappy,”sheretorted.

theydrovedownst.james’streetintothepark,andphilipquicklykissedher.hewasstrangelyafraidofher,anditrequiredallhiscourage.sheturnedherlipstohimwithoutspeaking.sheneitherseemedtomindnortolikeit.

“ifyouonlyknewhowlongi’vewantedtodothat,”hemurmured.

hetriedtokissheragain,butsheturnedherheadaway.

“onceisenough,”shesaid.

onthechanceofkissingherasecondtimehetravelleddowntohernehillwithher,andattheendoftheroadinwhichshelivedheaskedher:

“won’tyougivemeanotherkiss?”

shelookedathimindifferentlyandthenglanceduptheroadtoseethatnoonewasinsight.

“idon’tmind.”

heseizedherinhisarmsandkissedherpassionately,butshepushedhimaway.

“mindmyhat,silly.youareclumsy,”shesaid.