第52章BOOKTHESECOND：THEGOLDENTHREAD(35)

第52章bookthesecond：thegoldenthread(35)

mr.lorrywasoutinthenight，beforeheknewwherehewas.mr.stryverwaslyingbackonhissofa，winkingathisceiling.

xix.thefellowofnodelicacy

ifsydneycartonevershoneanywhere，hecertainlynevershoneinthehouseofdoctormanette.hehadbeenthereoften，duringawholeyear，andhadalwaysbeenthesamemoodyandmoroseloungerthere.whenhecaredtotalk，hetalkedwell；but，thecloudofcaringfornothingwhichovershadowedhimwithsuchafataldarkness，wasveryrarelypiercedbythelightwithinhim.

andyethedidcaresomethingforthestreetsthatenvironedthathouse，andforthesenselessstonesthatmadetheirpavements.manyanighthevaguelyandunhappilywanderedthere，whenwinehadbroughtnotransitorygladnesstohim；manyadrearydaybreakrevealedhissolitaryfigurelingeringthere，andstilllingeringtherewhenthefirstbeamsofthesunbroughtintostrongrelief，removedbeautiesinarchitectureinspiresofchurchesandloftybuildings，asperhapsthequiettimebroughtsomesenseofbetterthings，elseforgottenandunattainable，intohismind.oflate，theneglectedbedinthetemplecourthadknownhimmorescantilythanever；andoftenwhenhehadthrownhimselfuponitnolongerthanafewminutes，hehadgotupagain，andhauntedthatneighbourhood.

onadayinaugust，whenmr.stryver（afternotifyingtohisjackalthat'hehadthoughtbetterofthatmarryingmatter'）hadcarriedhisdelicacyintodevonshire，andwhenthesightandscentofflowersinthecitystreetshadsomewaifsofgoodnessinthemfortheworst，ofhealthforthesickliest，andofyouthfortheoldest，sydney'sfeetstilltrodthosestones.frombeingirresoluteandpurposeless，hisfeetbecameanimatedbyanintention，and，intheworkingoutofthatintention，theytookhimtothedoctor'sdoor.

hewasshownupstairs，andfoundlucieatherwork，alone.shehadneverbeenquiteathereasewithhim，andreceivedhimwithsomelittleembarrassmentasheseatedhimselfnearhertable.but，lookingupathisfaceintheinterchangeofthefirstfewcommon-places，sheobservedachangeinit.

'ifearyouarenotwell，mr.carton！'

'no.butthelifeilead，missmanette，isnotconducivetohealth.whatistobeexpectedof，orby，suchprofligates？'

'isitnot—forgiveme；ihadbegunthequestiononmylips—apitytolivenobetterlife？'

'godknowsitisashame！'

'thenwhynotchangeit？'

lookinggentlyathimagain，shewassurprisedandsaddenedtoseethatthereweretearsinhiseyes.thereweretearsinhisvoicetoo，asheanswered：'itistoolateforthat.ishallneverbebetterthaniam.ishallsinklowerandbeworse.'

heleanedanelbowonhertable，andcoveredhiseyeswithhishand.thetabletrembledinthesilencethatfollowed.

shehadneverseenhimsoftened，andwasmuchdistressed.heknewhertobeso，withoutlookingather，andsaid：

'prayforgiveme，missmanette.ibreakdownbeforetheknowledgeofwhatiwanttosaytoyou.willyouhearme？'

'ifitwilldoyouanygood，mr.carton，ifitwouldmakeyouhappier，itwouldmakemeveryglad！'

'godblessyouforyoursweetcompassion！'

heunshadedhisfaceafteralittlewhileandspokesteadily.

'don'tbeafraidtohearme.don'tshrinkfromanythingisay.iamlikeonewhodiedyoung.allmylifemighthavebeen.'

'no，mr.carton.iamsurethatthebestpartofitmightstillbe；iamsurethatyoumightbemuch，muchworthierofyourself.'

'sayofyou，missmanette，andalthoughiknowbetter—althoughinthemysteryofmyownwretchedheartinowbetter—ishallneverforgetit！'

shewaspaleandtrembling.hecametoherreliefwithafixeddespairofhimselfwhichmadetheinterviewunlikeanyotherthatcouldhavebeenholden.

'ifithadbeenpossible，missmanette，thatyoucouldhavereturnedtheloveofthemanyouseebeforeyou—self-flungaway，wasted，drunken，poorcreatureofmisuseasyouknowhimtobe—hewouldhavebeenconsciousthisdayandhour，inspiteofhishappiness，thathewouldbringyoutomisery，bringyoutosorrowandrepentance，blightyou，disgraceyou，pullyoudownwithhim.iknowverywellthatyoucanhavenotendernessforme；iaskfornone；iameventhankfulthatitcannotbe.'

'withoutit，caninotsaveyou，mr.carton？caninotrecallyou—forgivemeagain！—toabettercourse？caniinnowayrepayyourconfidence？iknowthisisaconfidence，'shemodestlysaid，afteralittlehesitation，andinearnesttears，'iknowyouwouldsaythistonooneelse.caniturnittonogoodaccountforyourself，mr.carton？'

heshookhishead.

'tonone.no，missmanette，tonone.ifyouwillhearmethroughaverylittlemore，allyoucaneverdoformeisdone.iwishyoutoknowthatyouhavebeenthelastdreamofmysoul.inmydegradationihavenotbeensodegradedbutthatthesightofyouwithyourfather，andofthishomemadesuchahomebyyou，hasstirredoldshadowsthatithoughthaddiedoutofme.sinceiknewyou，ihavebeentroubledbyaremorsethatithoughtwouldneverreproachmeagain，andhaveheardwhispersfromoldvoicesimpellingmeupward，thatithoughtweresilentforever.ihavehadunformedideasofstrivingafresh，beginninganew，shakingoffslothandsensuality，andfightingouttheabandonedfight.adream，alladream，thatendsinnothing，andleavesthesleeperwherehelaydown，butiwishyoutoknowthatyouinspiredit.'

'willnothingofitremain？omr.carton，thinkagain！tryagain！'

'no，missmanette；allthroughit，ihaveknownmyselftobequiteundeserving.andyetihavehadtheweakness，andhavestilltheweakness，towishyoutoknowwithwhatasuddenmasteryyoukindledme，heapofashesthatiam，intofire—afire，however，inseparableinitsnaturefrommyself，quickeningnothing，lightingnothing，doingnoservice，idlyburningaway.'

'sinceitismymisfortune，mr.carton，tohavemadeyoumoreunhappythanyouwerebeforeyouknewme—'