第20章TheManHigherUp

第20章themanhigherup

acrossourtwodishesofspaghetti,inacornerofprovenzano'srestaurant,jeffpeterswasexplainingtomethethreekindsofgraft.

everywinterjeffcomestonewyorktoeatspaghetti,towatchtheshippingineastriverfromthedepthsofhischinchillaovercoat,andtolayinasupplyofchicago-madeclothingatoneofthefultonstreetstores.duringtheotherthreeseasonshemaybefoundfurtherwest—hisrangeisfromspokanetotampa.inhisprofessionhetakesapridewhichhesupportsanddefendswithaseriousanduniquephilosophyofethics.hisprofessionisnonewone.heisanincorporated,uncapitalized,unlimitedasylumforthereceptionoftherestlessandunwisedollarsofhisfellowmen.

inthewildernessofstoneinwhichjeffseekshisannuallonelyholidayheisgladtopalaverofhismanyadventures,asaboywillwhistleaftersundowninawood.wherefore,imarkonmycalendarthetimeofhiscoming,andopenaquestionofprivilegeatprovenzano'sconcerningthelittlewine-stainedtableinthecornerbetweentherakishrubberplantandtheframedpalazziodellasomethingonthewall.

"therearetwokindsofgraft,"saidjeff,"thatoughttobewipedoutbylaw.imeanwallstreetspeculation,andburglary."

"nearlyeverybodywillagreewithyouastooneofthem,"saidi,withalaugh.

"well,burglaryoughttobewipedouttoo,"saidjeff;andiwonderedwhetherthelaughhadbeenredundant.

"aboutthreemonthsago,"saidjeff,"itwasmyprivilegetobecomefamiliarwithasampleofeachoftheaforesaidbranchesofillegitimateart.iwassinequagratawithamemberofthehousebreakers'unionandoneofthejohnd.napoleonsoffinanceatthesametime."

"interestingcombination,"saidi,withayawn."diditellyouiedaduckandaground-squirrelatoneshotlastweekoverintheramapos?"iknewwellhowtodrawjeff'sstories.

"letmetellyoufirstaboutthesebarnaclesthatclogthewheelsofsocietybypoisoningthespringsofrectitudewiththeirupas-likeeye,"saidjeff,withthepuregleamofthemuck-rakerinhisown.

"asisaid,threemonthsagoigotintobadcompany.therearetwotimesinaman'slifewhenhedoesthis-whenhe'sdeadbroke,andwhenhe'srich.

"nowandthenthemostlegitimatebusinessrunsoutofluck.itwasoutinarkansasimadethewrongturnatacross-road,anddrivesintothistownofpeavinebymistake.itseemsihadalreadyassaultedanddisfiguredpeavinethespringoftheyearbefore.ihadsold$600worthofyoungfruittreesthere—plums,cherries,peachesandpears.thepeavinerswerekeepinganeyeonthecountryroadandhopingimightpassthatwayagain.idrovedownmainstreetasfarasthecrystalpalacedrug-storebeforeirealizedihadcommittedambushuponmyselfandmywhitehorsebill.

"thepeavinerstookmebysurpriseandbillbythebridleandbeganaconversationthatwasn'tentirelydissociatedwiththesubjectoffruittrees.acommitteeof'emransometrace-chainsthroughthearmholesofmyvest,andescortedmethroughtheirgardensandorchards.

"theirfruittreeshadn'tliveduptotheirlabels.mostof'emhadturnedouttobepersimmonsanddogwoods,withagroveortwoofblackjacksandpoplars.theonlyonethatshowedanysignsofbearinganythingwasafineyoungcottonwoodthathadputforthahornet'snestandhalfofanoldcorset-cover.

"thepeavinersprotractedourfruitlessstrolltotheedgeoftown.theytookmywatchandmoneyonaccount;andtheykeptbillandthewagonashostages.theysaidthefirsttimeoneoftheirdogwoodtreesputforthanamsden'sjunepeachimightcomebackandgetmythings.thentheytookoffthetracechainsandjerkedtheirthumbsinthedirectionoftherockymountains;andistruckalewisandclarklopefortheswollenriversandimpenetrableforests.

"wheniregainedintellectualnessifoundmyselfwalkingintoanunidentifiedtownonthea.,t.&s.f.railroad.thepeavinershadn'tleftanythinginmypocketsexceptaplugofchewing—theywasn'taftermylife—andthatsavedit.ibitoffachunkandsitsdownonapileoftiesbythetracktorecogitatemysensationsofthoughtandperspicacity.

"andthenalongcomesafastfreightwhichslowsupalittleatthetown;andoffofitdropsablackbundlethatrollsfortwcntyyardsinacloudofdustandthengetsupandbeginstospitsoftcoalandinterjections.iseeitisayoungmanbroadacrosstheface,dressedmoreforpullmansthanfreights,andwithacheerfulkindofsmileinspiteofitallthatmadephoebesnow'sjoblooklikeachimney-sweep's.

"'falloff?’saysi.

"'nunk,’sayshe.'gotoff.arrivedatmydestination.whattownisthis?’"'haven'tlookedituponthemapyet,’saysi.'igotinahoutfiveminutesbeforeyoudid.howdoesitstrikeyou?’

"'hard,’sayshe,twistingoneofhisarmsaround.'ibelievethatshoulder—no,it'sallright.’

"hestoopsovertobrushthedustoffhisclothes,whenoutofhispocketdropsafine,nine-inchburglar'ssteeljimmy.hepicksitupandlooksatmesharp,andthengrinsandholdsouthishand.

"'brother,’sayshe,'greetings.didn'tiseeyouinsouthernmissourilastsummersellingcoloredsandathalfadollarateaspoonfultoputintolampstokeeptheoilfromexploding?’

"'oil,’saysi,'neverexplodes.it'sthegasthatformsthatexplodes.’butishakehandswithhim,anyway.

"'myname'sbillbassett,’sayshetome,'andifyou'llcallitprofessionalprideinsteadofconceit,i'llinformyouthatyouhavethepleasureofmeetingthebestburglarthateversetagum-shoeongroineddraunedbytbemississippiriver.’

"well,meandthisbillbassettsitsonthetiesandexchangesbragsasartistsinkindredlineswilldo.itseemshedidn'thaveacent,either,andwewentintoclosecaucus.heexplainedwhyanableburglarsometimeshadtotravelonfreightsbytellingmethataservantgirlhadplayedhimfalseinlittlerock,andhewasmakingaquickget-away.

"'it'spartofmybusiness,’saysbillbassett,'toplayuptowelltheruffleswheniwanttomakeariffleasraffles.’tislovesthatmakesthebitgo'round.showmeahousewithaswaginitandaprettyparlor-maid,andyoumightaswellcallthesilvermelteddownandsold,andmespillingtrufflesandthatchateaustuffonthenapkinundermychin,whilethepolicearecallingitaninsidejobjustbecausetheoldlady'snephewteachesabibleclass.ifirstmakeanimpressiononthegirl,’saysbill,'andwhensheletsmeinsideimakeanimpressiononthelocks.butthisoneinlittlerockdoneme,’sayshe.'shesawmetakingatrolleyridewithanothergirl,andwhenicameroundonthenightshewastoleavethedooropenformeitwasfast.andihadkeysmadeforthedoorsupstairs.but,no,sir.shehadsurecutoffmylocks.shewasadehlah,’saysbillbassett.

"itseemsthatbilltriedtobreakinanyhowwithhisjimmy,butthegirlemittedaessionofbravuranoiseslikethetop-ridersofatally-ho,andbillhadtotakeallthehurdlesbetweenthereanddepot.ashehadnoagetheytriedhardtocheckhisdeparture,buthemadeatrainthatwasjustpullingout.

"'well,’saysbillbassett,whenwehadexchangedmemoriesofourdeadlives,'icouldeat.thistowndon'tlooklikeitwaskeptunderayalelock.supposewecommitsomemildatrocitythatwillbringintemporaryexpensemoney.idon'tsupposeyou'vebroughtalonganyhairtonicorrolled-goldwatch-chains,orsimilarlaw-defyingswindlesthatyoucouldsellontheplazatothepikersofthepareticpopulace,haveyou?’

"'no,’saysi,'ileftanelegantlineofpatagoniandiamondearringsandrainy-daysunburstsinmyvaliseatpeavine.butthey’retostaytheretillsomeofthoseblack-gumtreesbegintoglutthemarketwithyellowclingsandjapaneseplums.ireckonwecan'tcountonthemunlesswetakelutherburbankinforapartner.’

"'verywell,’saysbassett,'we'lldothebestwecan.maybeafterdarki'llborrowahairpinfromsomelady,andopenthefarmersanddroversmarinebankwithit.’

"whileweweretalking,uppullsapassengertraintothedepotnearby.apersoninahighhatgetsoffonthewrongsideofthetrainandcomestrippingdownthetracktowardsus.hewasalittle,fatmanwithabignoseandrat'seyes,butdressedexpensive,andcarryingahand-satchelcareful,asifithadeggsorrailroadsbondsinit.hepassesbyusandkeepsondownthetrack,notappearingtonoticethetown.

"'comeon,’saysbillbassetttome,startingafterhim.

"'where?’iasks.

"'lordy!’saysbill,'hadyouforgotyouwasinthedesert?didn'tyouseecolonelmannadropdownrightbeforeyoureyes?don'tyouheartherustlingofgeneralraven'swings?i'msurprisedatyou,elijah.’

"weovertookthestrangerintheedgeofsomewoods,and,asitwasaftersun-downandinaquietplace,nobodysawusstophim.billtakesthesilkhatofftheman'sheadandbrushesitwithhissleeveandputsitback.

"'whatdoesthismean,sir?’saystheman.

"'wheniworeoneofthese,’saysbill,'andfeltembarrassed,ialwaysdonethat.nothavingonenow,ihadtouseyours.ihardlyknowhowtobegin,sir,inexplainingourbusinesswithyou,butiguesswe'lltryyourpocketsfirst.’

"billbassettfeltinallofthem,andlookeddisgusted.

"'notevenawatch,’hesays.'ain'tyouashamedofyourself,youwhitedsculpture?goingaboutdressedlikeahead-waiter,andfinancedlikeacount!youhaven'tevengotcar-fare.whatdidyoudowithyourtransfer?’

"themanspeaksupandsayshehasnoassetsorvaluablesofanysort.butbassetttakeshishand-satchelandopensit.outcomessomecollarsandsocksandahalfapageofanewspaperclippedout.billreadstheclippingcareful,andholdsouthishandtotheheld-upparty.

"'brother,’sayshe,'greetings!accepttheapologiesoffriends.iambillbassett,theburglar.mr.peters,youmustmaketheacquaintanceofmr.alfrede.ricks.shakehands.mr.peters,’saysbill,"standsabouthalfwaybetweenmeandyou,mr.ricks,inthelineofhavocandcorruption.healwaysgivessomethingforthemoneyhegets.i'mgladtomeetyou,mr.ricks—youandmr.peters.thisisthefirsttimeieverattendedafullgatheringofthenationalsynodofsharks—housebreaking,swindling,andfinancieringallrepresented.pleaseexaminemr.ricks'scredentials,mr.peters.’

"thepieceofnewspaperthatbillbassetthandedmehadagoodpictureofthisricksonit.itwasachicagopaper,andithadobloquiesofricksineveryparagraph.byreadingitoveriharvestedtheintelligencethatsaidallegedrickshadlaidoffallthatportionofthestateoffloridathatliesunderwaterintotownlotsandsold'emtoallegedinnocentinvestorsfromhismagnifieentlyfurnfishedofficesinchicago.afterhehadtakeninahundredthousandorsodollarsoneofthesefussypurchasersthatarealwaysmakingtrouble(i'vehad'emactuallytrygoldwatchesi'vesold'emwithacid)tookacheapexcursiondowntothelandwhereitisalwaysjustbeforesuppertolookathislotandseeifitdidn'tneedanewpalingortwoonthefence,andmarketafewlemonsintimeforthechristmaspresenttrade.hehiresasurveyortofindhislotforhim.theyrunthelineoutandfindtheflourishingtownofparadisehollow,soadvertised,tobeabout40rodsand16poless.,27degreese.ofthemiddleoflakeokeechobee.thisman'slotwasunderthirty-sixfeetofwater,and,besides,hadbeenpreemptedsolongbythealligatorsandgarsthathistitlelookedfishy.

"naturally,themangoesbacktochicagoandmakesitashotforalfrede.ricksasthemorningafterapredictionofsnowbytheweatherbureau.ricksdefiedtheallegation,buthecouldn'tdenythealligators.onemorningthepaperscameoutwithacolumnaboutit,andrickscomeoutbythefire-escape.itseemstheallegedauthoritieshadbeathimtothesafe-depositboxwherehekepthiswinnings,andrickshastowestwardho!withonlyfeetwearandadozen15-and-ahalfenglishpokesinhisshoppingbag.hehappenedtohavesomemileageleftinhisbook,andthattookhimasfarasthetowninthewildernesswherehewasspilledoutonmeandbillbassettaselijahiii,withnotaraveninsightforanyofus.

"thenthisalfrede.ricksletsoutasqueakthatheishungry,too,anddeniesthehypothesisthatheisgoodforthevalue,letalonetheprice,ofameal.andso,therewasthethreeofus,representing,ifwehadamindtodrawsyllogismsandparabolas,laborandtradeandcapital.now,whentradehasnocapitalthereisn'tadickertobemade.andwhencapitalhasnomoneythere'sastagnationinsteakandonions.thatputituptothemanwiththejimmy.

"'brotherbushrangers,’saysbillbassett,'neveryet,introuble,dididesertapal.hardby,inyonwood,iseemtoseeunfurnishedlodgings.letusgothereandwaittilldark.’

"therewasanold,desertedcabininthegrove,andwethreetookpossessionofit.afterdarkbillbassetttellsustowait,andgoesoutforhalfanhour.hecomesbackwithaarmfulofbreadandspareribsandpies.

"'panhandled'ematafarmhouseonwashitaavenue,’sayshe.'eat,drinkandbeleary.’

"thefullmoonwascomingupbright,sowesatonthefloorofthecabinandateinthelightofit.andthisbillbassettbeginstobrag.

"'sometimes,’sayshe,withhismouthfullofcountryproduce,'iloseallpatiencewithyoupeoplethatthinkyouarehigherupintheprofessionthaniam.now,whatcouldeitherofyouhavedoneinthepresentemergencytosetusonourfeetagain?couldyoudoit,ricksy?’

"'imustconfess,mr.bassett,’saysricks,speakingnearlyinaudibleoutofasliceofpie,'thatatthisimmediatejunctureicouldnot,perhaps,promoteanenterprisetorelievethesituation.largeoperations,suchasidirect,naturallyrequirecarefulpreparationinadvance.i—’