第2章ACosmopoliteinaCafe

第2章acosmopoliteinacafe

atmidnightthecafewascrowded.bysomechancethelittleta-bleatwhichisathadescapedtheeyeofincomers，andtwova-cantchairsatitextendedtheirarmswithveualhospitalitytotheinfluxofpatrons.

andthenacosmopolitesatinoneofthem，andiwasglad，foriheldatheorythatsinceadamnotruecitizenoftheworldhasexisted.wehearofthem，andweseeforeignlabelsonmuchage，butwefindtravelersinsteadofcosmopolites.

iinvokeyourconsiderationofthescene—themarble-toppedtables，therangeofleather-upholsteredwallseats，thegaycompany，theladiesdressedindemi-statetoilets，speakinginanexquisitevisiblechorusoftaste，economy，opulenceorart；thesedulousandlargess-lovinggarfons，themusicwiselycateringtoallwithitsraidsuponthecomposers；themélangeoftalkandlaughter—and，ifyouwill，thewurzburgerinthetallglassconesthatbendtoyourlipsasaripecherryswaysonitsbranchtothebeakofarobberjay.iwastoldbyasculptorfrommauchchunkthatthescenewastrulyparisian.

mycosmopolitewasnamede.rushmorecoglan，andhewillbeheardfromnextsummeratconeyisland.heistoestablishanew"attraction"there，heinformedme，offeringkinglydiversion.andthenhisconversationrangalongparallelsoflatitudeandlongitude.hetookthegreat，roundworldinhishand，sotospeak，familiarly，contemptuously，anditseemednolargerthantheseedofamaraschinocherryinatabled'hotegrapefruit.hespokedisrespectfullyoftheequator，heskippedfromcontinenttocontinent，hederidedthezones，hemoppedupthehighseaswithhisnapkin.withawaveofhishandhewouldspeakofacertainbazaarinhyderabad.whiff！hewouldhaveyouonskisinlapland.zip！nowyourodethebreakerswiththekanakasatkealaikahiki.presto！heedyouthroughanarkansaspost-oakswamp，letyoudryforamomentonthealkaliplainsofhisidahoranch，thenwhirledyouintothesocietyofviennesearchdukes.anonhewouldbetellingyouofacoldheacquiredinachicagolakebreezeandhowoldescamilacureditinbuenosayreswithahotinfusionofthechuchulaweed.youwouldhaveaddressedaletterto"e.rushmorecoglau，esq.，theearth，solarsystem，theuniverse，"andhavemailedit，feelingconfidentthatitwouldbedeliveredtohim.

iwassurethatihadfoundatlasttheonetruecosmopolitesinceadam，andilistenedtohisworldwidediscoursefearfullestishoulddiscoverinitthelocalnoteofthemereglobe-trotterbuthisopinionsneverflutteredordrooped；hewasasimpartialtocities，countriesandcontinentsasthewindsorgravitation.andase.rushmorecoglanprattledofthislitdeplanetithoughtwithgleeofagreatalmostcosmopolitewhowroteforthewholeworldanddedicatedhimselftobombay.inapoemhehastosaythatthereisprideandrivalrybetweenthecitiesoftheearth，andthat"thementhatbreedfromthem，theytrafficupanddown，butclingtotheircities'hemasachildtothemother'sgown."andwhenevertheywalk"byroaringstreetsunknown"theyremembertheirnativecity"mostfaithful，foolish，fond；makinghermere-breathednametheirbondupontheirbond."andmygleewasrousedbecauseihadcaughtmr.kiplingnapping.hereihadfoundamannotmadefromdust；onewhohadnonarrowboastsofbirthplaceorcountry，onewho，ifheedatall，wouldbragofhiswholeroundglobeagainstthemartiansandtheinhabitantsofthemoon.

expressiononthesesubjectswasprecipiratedfrome.rushmorecoglanbythethirdcornertoourtable.whilecoglanwasdescribingtomethetopographyalongthesiberianrailwaytheorchestraglidedintoamedley.theconcludingairwas"dixie，"andastheexhilaratingnotestumbledforththeywerealmostoverpoweredbyagreatclappingofhandsfromalmosteverytable.

itisworthaparagraphtosaythatthisremarkablescenecanbewitnessedeveryeveninginnumerouscafesinthecityofnewyork.tonsofbrewhavebeenconsumedovertheoriestoaccountforit.somehaveconjecturedhastilythatallsouthernersintownhiethemselvestocafesatnightfall.thisapplauseofthe"rebel"airinanortherncitydoespuzzlealittle；butitisnotinsolvable.thewarwithspain，manyyears'generousmintandwatermeloncrops，afewlongshotwinnersattheneworleansrace-track，andthebrilliantbanquetsgivenbytheindianaandkansascitizenswhocomposethenorthcarolinasocietyhavemadethesonthrathera"fad"inmanhattan.yourmanicurewilllispsoftlythatyourleftforefingerremindshersomuchofagentleman'sinrichmond，va.oh，certainly；butmanyaladyhastoworknow—thewar，youknow.

when"dixie"wasbeingplayedadark-hairedyoungmansprangupfromsomewherewithamosbyguerrillayellandwavedfranticallyhissoft-brimmedhat.thenhestrayedthroughthesmoke，droppedintothevacantchairatourtableandpulledoutcigarettes.

theeveningwasattheperiodwhenreserveisthawed.oneofusmentionedthreewurzburgerstothewaiter；thedark-hairedyoungmanacknowledgedhisinclusionintheorderbyasmileandanod.ihastenedtoaskhimaquestionbecauseiwantedtotryoutatheoryihad.

"wouldyoumindtellingme，"ibegan，"whetheryouarefrom—"

thefistofe.rushmorecoglanbangedthetableandiwasjarredintosilence.

"excuseme，"saidhe，"butthat'saquestionineverliketohearasked.whatdoesitmatterwhereamanisfrom？isitfairtojudgeamanbyhispost-officeaddress？why，i'veseenkentuckianswhohatedwhisky，virginianswhowerendescendedfrompocahontas，indianianswhohadnwrittenanovel，mexicallswhodidnwearvelvettrouserswithsilverdollarssewedalongtheseams，funnyenglishmen，spendthriftyankees，cold-bloodedsoutherners，narrow-mindedwesterners，andnewyorkerswhoweretoobusytostopforanhouronthestreettowatchaone-armedgrocer'sclerkdoupcranberriesinpaperbags.letamanbeamananddonhandicaphimwiththelabelofanysection."

"pardonme，"isaid，"butmycuriositywasnotaltogetheranidleone.iknowthesouth，andwhenthebandplays'dixie’iliketoobserve.ihaveformedthebeliefthatthemanwhoapplaudsthatairwithspecialviolenceandostensiblesectionalloyaltyisinvariablyanativeofeithersecancus，n.j.，orthedistrictbetweenmurrayhilllyceumandtheharlemriver，thiscity.iwasabouttoputmyopiniontothetestbyinquiringofthisgentlemanwhenyouinterruptedwhthyourown—largertheory，imustconfess."

andnowthedark-hairedyoungmanspoketome，anditbecameevidentthathismindalsomovedalongitsownsetofgrooves.

"ishouldliketobeaperiwinkle，"saidhe，mysteriously，"onthetopofavalley，andsingtooralloo-ralloo."

thiswasclearlytooobscure，soiturnedagaintocoglan.

"i'vebeenaroundtheworldtwelvetimes，"saidhe."iknowanesquimauinupernavikwhosendstocineinnatiforhisneckties，andisawagoatherderinuruguaywhowonaprizeinabatdecreekbreakfastfoodpuzzlecompetition.ipayrentonaroomincairo，egypt，andanotherinyokohamaalltheyeararound.i'vegotslipperswaitingformeinatea-houseinshanghai，andidon'thavetotell'emhowtocookmyeggsinriodejaneiroorseattle.it'samightylittleoldworld.what'stheuseofingaboutbeingfromthenorth，orthesonth，ortheoldmanorhouseinthedale，oreuclidavenue，cleveland，orpike'speak，orfairfaxcounty，va.，orhooligan'sflatsoranyplace？it'llbeabetterworldwhenwequitbeingfoolsaboutsomemildewedtownortenacresofswamplandjustbecausewehappenedtobebornthere."

"youseemtobeagenuinecosmopolite，"isaidadmiringly."butitalsoseemsthatyouwoulddecrypatriotism."

"arelicofthestoneage，"declaredcoglanwarmly."weareallbrothers—chinamen，englishmen，zuhis，patagonians，andthepeopleinthebendofthekawriver.somedayallthispettyprideinone'scityorstateorsectionorcotmtrywillbewipedout，andwe'llallbecitizensoftheworld，asweoughttobe."

"butwhileyouarewanderinginforeignlands."ipersisted."donotyourthoughtsreverttosomespot—somedearand—"

"naryaspot，"interruptede.r.coglan，flippandy."theterrestr-ial，globular，planetaryhunkofmatter，slightlyflattenedatthepoles.andknownastheearth，ismyabode.i'vemetagoodmanyobjectboundcitizensofthisconntryabroad.i'veseenmenfromchicagositinagondolainveniceonamoonlightnightandbragabouttheirdrainagecanal.i'veseenasoutherneronbeingintroducedtothekingofenglandhandthatmonarch，withoutbattinghiseyes，theinformationthathisgrandauntonhismother'ssidewasrelatedbymarriagetotheperkinses，ofcharleston.iknewanewyorkerwhowaskidnappedforransombysomeafghanistanbandits.hispeoplesentoverthemoneyandhecamebacktokabulwiththeagent.'afghanistan？’thenativessaidtohimthroughaninterpreter.'well，notsoslow，doyonthink？’'oh，idon'tknow，’sayshe，andhebeginstotellthemaboutacabdriveratsixthavenueandbroadway.thoseideasdon'tsuitme.i'mnottieddowntoanythingthatisn't8，000milesindiameter.justputmedownase.rushmorecoglan，citizenoftheterrestrialsphere."

mycosmopolitemadealargeadieuandleftme，forhethoughthesawsomeonethroughthechatterandsmokewhomheknew.soiwasleftwiththewould-beperiwinkle，whowasreducedtowurzburgerwithoutfurtherabilitytovoicehisaspirationstoperch，melodious，uponthesummitofavalley.

isatreflectinguponmyevidentcosmopoliteandwonderinghowthepoethadmanagedtomisshim.hewasmydiscoveryandibelievedinhim.howwasit？"thementhatbreedfromthemtheytrafficupanddown，butclingtotheircities'hemasachildtothemother'sgown."

notsoe.rushmorecoglan.withthewholeworldforhis—mymeditationswereinterruptedbyatremendousnoiseandconflictinanotherpartofthecafe.isawabovetheheadsoftheseatedpatronse.rushmorecoglanandastrangertomeengagedinterrificbattle.theyfoughtbetweenthetablesliketitans，andglassescrashed，andmencaughttheirhatsupandwereknockeddown，andabrunettescreamed，andablondebegantosing'teasing.’

mycosmopolitewassustainingtheprideandreputationoftheearthwhenthewaitersclosedinonbothcombatantswiththeirfamousflyingwedgeformationandborethemoutside，stillresisting.

icalledmccarthy，oneofthefrenchgarfons，andaskedhimthecauseoftheconflict.

"themanwiththeredtie"(thatwasmycosmopolite)，saidhe，"gothotonaccountofthingssaidaboutthebumsidewalksandwatersupplyoftheplacehecomefrombytheotherguy."

"why"saidi，bewildered，"thatmanisacitizenoftheworld—acosmopolite.he—"

"originallyfrommattawamkeag，maine，hesaid，"continuedmccarthy，"andhewouldn'tstandfornoknockin'theplace."