第212章

第212章howithappenedhedidnotknow.butallatoncesomethingseemedtoseizehimandflinghimatherfeet.heweptandthrewhisarmsroundherknees.forthefirstinstantshewasterriblyfrightenedandsheturnedpale.shejumpedupandlookedathimtrembling.butatthesamemomentsheunderstood,andalightofinfinitehappinesscameintohereyes.sheknewandhadnodoubtthathelovedherbeyondeverythingandthatatlastthemomenthadcome.…

theywantedtospeak,butcouldnot;tearsstoodintheireyes.theywerebothpaleandthin;butthosesickpalefaceswerebrightwiththedawnofanewfuture,ofafullresurrectionintoanewlife.theywererenewedbylove;theheartofeachheldinfinitesourcesoflifefortheheartoftheother.

theyresolvedtowaitandbepatient.theyhadanothersevenyearstowait,andwhatterriblesufferingandwhatinfinitehappinessbeforethem!buthehadrisenagainandheknewitandfeltitinallhisbeing,whileshe—sheonlylivedinhislife.

ontheeveningofthesameday,whenthebarrackswerelocked,raskolnikovlayonhisplankbedandthoughtofher.hehadevenfanciedthatdaythatalltheconvictswhohadbeenhisenemieslookedathimdifferently;hehadevenenteredintotalkwiththemandtheyansweredhiminafriendlyway.herememberedthatnow,andthoughtitwasboundtobeso.wasn’teverythingnowboundtobechanged?

hethoughtofher.herememberedhowcontinuallyhehadtormentedherandwoundedherheart.herememberedherpaleandthinlittleface.buttheserecollectionsscarcelytroubledhimnow;heknewwithwhatinfinitelovehewouldnowrepayallhersufferings.andwhatwereall,alltheagoniesofthepast!everything,evenhiscrime,hissentenceandimprisonment,seemedtohimnowinthefirstrushoffeelinganexternal,strangefactwithwhichhehadnoconcern.buthecouldnotthinkforlongtogetherofanythingthatevening,andhecouldnothaveanalysedanythingconsciously;hewassimplyfeeling.lifehadsteppedintotheplaceoftheoryandsomethingquitedifferentwouldworkitselfoutinhismind.

underhispillowlaythenewtestament.hetookitupmechanically.thebookbelongedtosonia;itwastheonefromwhichshehadreadtheraisingoflazarustohim.atfirsthewasafraidthatshewouldworryhimaboutreligion,wouldtalkaboutthegospelandpesterhimwithbooks.buttohisgreatsurpriseshehadnotonceapproachedthesubjectandhadnotevenofferedhimthetestament.hehadaskedherforithimselfnotlongbeforehisillnessandshebroughthimthebookwithoutaword.tillnowhehadnotopenedit.

hedidnotopenitnow,butonethoughtpassedthroughhismind:“canherconvictionsnotbeminenow?herfeelings,heraspirationsatleast.…”

shetoohadbeengreatlyagitatedthatday,andatnightshewastakenillagain.butshewassohappy—andsounexpectedlyhappy—thatshewasalmostfrightenedofherhappiness.sevenyears,onlysevenyears!atthebeginningoftheirhappinessatsomemomentstheywerebothreadytolookonthosesevenyearsasthoughtheyweresevendays.hedidnotknowthatthenewlifewouldnotbegivenhimfornothing,thathewouldhavetopaydearlyforit,thatitwouldcosthimgreatstriving,greatsuffering.

butthatisthebeginningofanewstory—thestoryofthegradualrenewalofaman,thestoryofhisgradualregeneration,ofhispassingfromoneworldintoanother,ofhisinitiationintoanewunknownlife.thatmightbethesubjectofanewstory,butourpresentstoryisended.