第185章

第185章“notatall?weshallsee.i’lltakeyouthere,i’llshowyoumybetrothed,onlynotnow.foryou’llsoonhavetobeoff.youhavetogototherightanditotheleft.doyouknowthatmadameresslich,thewomaniamlodgingwithnow,eh?iknowwhatyou’rethinking,thatshe’sthewomanwhosegirltheysaydrownedherselfinthewinter.come,areyoulistening?shearrangeditallforme.you’rebored,shesaid,youwantsomethingtofillupyourtime.for,youknow,iamagloomy,depressedperson.doyouthinki’mlight-hearted?no,i’mgloomy.idonoharm,butsitinacornerwithoutspeakingawordforthreedaysatatime.andthatresslichisaslyhussy,itellyou.iknowwhatshehasgotinhermind;shethinksishallgetsickofit,abandonmywifeanddepart,andshe’llgetholdofherandmakeaprofitoutofher—inourclass,ofcourse,orhigher.shetoldmethefatherwasabroken-downretiredofficial,whohasbeensittinginachairforthelastthreeyearswithhislegsparalysed.themamma,shesaid,wasasensiblewoman.thereisasonservingintheprovinces,buthedoesn’thelp;thereisadaughter,whoismarried,butshedoesn’tvisitthem.andthey’vetwolittlenephewsontheirhands,asthoughtheirownchildrenwerenotenough,andthey’vetakenfromschooltheiryoungestdaughter,agirlwho’llbesixteeninanothermonth,sothatthenshecanbemarried.shewasforme.wewentthere.howfunnyitwas!ipresentmyself—alandowner,awidower,ofawell-knownname,withconnections,withafortune.whatifiamfiftyandsheisnotsixteen?whothinksofthat?butit’sfascinating,isn’tit?itisfascinating,ha-ha!youshouldhaveseenhowitalkedtothepapaandmamma.itwasworthpayingtohaveseenmeatthatmoment.shecomesin,curtseys,youcanfancy,stillinashortfrock—anunopenedbud!flushinglikeasunset—shehadbeentold,nodoubt.idon’tknowhowyoufeelaboutfemalefaces,buttomymindthesesixteenyears,thesechildisheyes,shynessandtearsofbashfulnessarebetterthanbeauty;andsheisaperfectlittlepicture,too.fairhairinlittlecurls,likealamb’s,fulllittlerosylips,tinyfeet,acharmer!…well,wemadefriends.itoldthemiwasinahurryowingtodomesticcircumstances,andthenextday,thatisthedaybeforeyesterday,wewerebetrothed.whenigonowitakeheronmykneeatonceandkeepherthere.…well,sheflusheslikeasunsetandikisshereveryminute.hermammaofcourseimpressesonherthatthisisherhusbandandthatthismustbeso.it’ssimplydelicious!thepresentbetrothedconditionisperhapsbetterthanmarriage.hereyouhavewhatiscalledlanatureetlaverite,ha-ha!i’vetalkedtohertwice,sheisfarfromafool.sometimesshestealsalookatmethatpositivelyscorchesme.herfaceislikeraphael’smadonna.youknow,thesistinemadonna’sfacehassomethingfantasticinit,thefaceofmournfulreligiousecstasy.haven’tyounoticedit?well,she’ssomethinginthatline.thedayafterwe’dbeenbetrothed,iboughtherpresentstothevalueoffifteenhundredroubles—asetofdiamondsandanotherofpearlsandasilverdressing-caseaslargeasthis,withallsortsofthingsinit,sothatevenmymadonna’sfaceglowed.isatheronmyknee,yesterday,andisupposerathertoounceremoniously—sheflushedcrimsonandthetearsstarted,butshedidn’twanttoshowit.wewereleftalone,shesuddenlyflungherselfonmyneck(forthefirsttimeofherownaccord),putherlittlearmsroundme,kissedme,andvowedthatshewouldbeanobedient,faithful,andgoodwife,wouldmakemehappy,woulddevoteallherlife,everyminuteofherlife,wouldsacrificeeverything,everything,andthatallsheasksinreturnismyrespect,andthatshewants‘nothing,nothingmorefromme,nopresents.’you’lladmitthattohearsuchaconfession,alone,fromanangelofsixteeninamuslinfrock,withlittlecurls,withaflushofmaidenshynessinhercheeksandtearsofenthusiasminhereyesisratherfascinating!isn’titfascinating?it’sworthpayingfor,isn’tit?well…listen,we’llgotoseemybetrothed,onlynotjustnow!”

“thefactisthismonstrousdifferenceinageanddevelopmentexcitesyoursensuality!willyoureallymakesuchamarriage?”

“why,ofcourse.everyonethinksofhimself,andhelivesmostgailywhoknowsbesthowtodeceivehimself.ha-ha!butwhyareyousokeenaboutvirtue?havemercyonme,mygoodfriend.iamasinfulman.ha-ha-ha!”

“butyouhaveprovidedforthechildrenofkaterinaivanovna.though…thoughyouhadyourownreasons.…iunderstanditallnow.”

“iamalwaysfondofchildren,veryfondofthem,”laughedsvidrigailov.“icantellyouonecuriousinstanceofit.thefirstdayicamehereivisitedvarioushaunts,aftersevenyearsisimplyrushedatthem.youprobablynoticethatiamnotinahurrytorenewacquaintancewithmyoldfriends.ishalldowithoutthemaslongasican.doyouknow,wheniwaswithmarfapetrovnainthecountry,iwashauntedbythethoughtoftheseplaceswhereanyonewhoknowshiswayaboutcanfindagreatdeal.yes,uponmysoul!thepeasantshavevodka,theeducatedyoungpeople,shutoutfromactivity,wastethemselvesinimpossibledreamsandvisionsandarecrippledbytheories;jewshavesprungupandareamassingmoney,andalltherestgivethemselvesuptodebauchery.fromthefirsthourthetownreekedofitsfamiliarodours.ichancedtobeinafrightfulden—ilikemydensdirty—itwasadance,socalled,andtherewasacancansuchasineversawinmyday.yes,thereyouhaveprogress.allofasuddenisawalittlegirlofthirteen,nicelydressed,dancingwithaspecialistinthatline,withanotheronevis-a-vis.hermotherwassittingonachairbythewall.youcan’tfancywhatacancanthatwas!thegirlwasashamed,blushed,atlastfeltinsulted,andbegantocry.herpartnerseizedherandbeganwhirlingherroundandperformingbeforeher;everyonelaughedand—ilikeyourpublic,eventhecancanpublic—theylaughedandshouted,‘servesherright—servesherright!shouldn’tbringchildren!’well,it’snotmybusinesswhetherthatconsolingreflectionwaslogicalornot.iatoncefixedonmyplan,satdownbythemother,andbeganbysayingthatitoowasastrangerandthatpeopleherewereill-bredandthattheycouldn’tdistinguishdecentfolksandtreatthemwithrespect,gavehertounderstandthatihadplentyofmoney,offeredtotakethemhomeinmycarriage.itookthemhomeandgottoknowthem.theywerelodginginamiserablelittleholeandhadonlyjustarrivedfromthecountry.shetoldmethatsheandherdaughtercouldonlyregardmyacquaintanceasanhonour.ifoundoutthattheyhadnothingoftheirownandhadcometotownuponsomelegalbusiness.iprofferedmyservicesandmoney.ilearntthattheyhadgonetothedancingsaloonbymistake,believingthatitwasagenuinedancingclass.iofferedtoassistintheyounggirl’seducationinfrenchanddancing.myofferwasacceptedwithenthusiasmasanhonour—andwearestillfriendly.…ifyoulike,we’llgoandseethem,onlynotjustnow.”

“stop!enoughofyourvile,nastyanecdotes,depravedvile,sensualman!”

“schiller,youarearegularschiller!olavertuva-t-ellesenicher?butyouknowishalltellyouthesethingsonpurpose,forthepleasureofhearingyouroutcries!”

“idaresay.icanseeiamridiculousmyself,”mutteredraskolnikovangrily.

svidrigailovlaughedheartily;finallyhecalledphilip,paidhisbill,andbegangettingup.

“isay,butiamdrunk,assezcause,”hesaid.“it’sbeenapleasure.”

“ishouldratherthinkitmustbeapleasure!”criedraskolnikov,gettingup.“nodoubtitisapleasureforaworn-outprofligatetodescribesuchadventureswithamonstrousprojectofthesamesortinhismind—especiallyundersuchcircumstancesandtosuchamanasme.…it’sstimulating!”

“well,ifyoucometothat,”svidrigailovanswered,scrutinisingraskolnikovwithsomesurprise,“ifyoucometothat,youareathoroughcynicyourself.you’veplentytomakeyouso,anyway.youcanunderstandagreatdeal…andyoucandoagreatdealtoo.butenough.isincerelyregretnothavinghadmoretalkwithyou,butishan’tlosesightofyou.…onlywaitabit.”

svidrigailovwalkedoutoftherestaurant.raskolnikovwalkedoutafterhim.svidrigailovwasnothoweververydrunk,thewinehadaffectedhimforamoment,butitwaspassingoffeveryminute.hewasupiedwithsomethingofimportanceandwasfrowning.hewasapparentlyexcitedanduneasyinanticipationofsomething.hismannertoraskolnikovhadchangedduringthelastfewminutes,andhewasruderandmoresneeringeverymoment.raskolnikovnoticedallthis,andhetoowasuneasy.hebecameverysuspiciousofsvidrigailovandresolvedtofollowhim.

theycameoutontothepavement.

“yougototheright,anditotheleft,orifyoulike,theotherway.onlyadieu,monplaisir,maywemeetagain.”

andhewalkedtotherighttowardsthehaymarket.