第178章

第178章hehurriedtosvidrigailov’s.whathehadtohopefromthatmanhedidnotknow.butthatmanhadsomehiddenpoweroverhim.havingoncerecognisedthis,hecouldnotrest,andnowthetimehadcome.

ontheway,onequestionparticularlyworriedhim:hadsvidrigailovbeentoporfiry’s?

asfarashecouldjudge,hewouldsweartoit,thathehadnot.heponderedagainandagain,wentoverporfiry’svisit;no,hehadn’tbeen,ofcoursehehadn’t.

butifhehadnotbeenyet,wouldhego?meanwhile,forthepresenthefanciedhecouldn’t.why?hecouldnothaveexplained,butifhecould,hewouldnothavewastedmuchthoughtoveritatthemoment.itallworriedhimandatthesametimehecouldnotattendtoit.strangetosay,nonewouldhavebelieveditperhaps,butheonlyfeltafaintvagueanxietyabouthisimmediatefuture.another,muchmoreimportantanxietytormentedhim—itconcernedhimself,butinadifferent,morevitalway.moreover,hewasconsciousofimmensemoralfatigue,thoughhismindwasworkingbetterthatmorningthanithaddoneoflate.

andwasitworthwhile,afterallthathadhappened,tocontendwiththesenewtrivialdifficulties?wasitworthwhile,forinstance,tomanoeuvrethatsvidrigailovshouldnotgotoporfiry’s?wasitworthwhiletoinvestigate,toascertainthefacts,towastetimeoveranyonelikesvidrigailov?

oh,howsickhewasofitall!

andyethewashasteningtosvidrigailov;couldhebeexpectingsomethingnewfromhim,information,ormeansofescape?menwillcatchatstraws!wasitdestinyorsomeinstinctbringingthemtogether?perhapsitwasonlyfatigue,despair;perhapsitwasnotsvidrigailovbutsomeotherwhomheneeded,andsvidrigailovhadsimplypresentedhimselfbychance.sonia?butwhatshouldhegotosoniafornow?tobeghertearsagain?hewasafraidofsonia,too.soniastoodbeforehimasanirrevocablesentence.hemustgohisownwayorhers.atthatmomentespeciallyhedidnotfeelequaltoseeingher.no,woulditnotbebettertotrysvidrigailov?andhecouldnothelpinwardlyowningthathehadlongfeltthathemustseehimforsomereason.

butwhatcouldtheyhaveincommon?theirveryevil-doingcouldnotbeofthesamekind.theman,moreover,wasveryunpleasant,evidentlydepraved,undoubtedlycunninganddeceitful,possiblymalignant.suchstoriesweretoldabouthim.itistruehewasbefriendingkaterinaivanovna’schildren,butwhocouldtellwithwhatmotiveandwhatitmeant?themanalwayshadsomedesign,someproject.

therewasanotherthoughtwhichhadbeencontinuallyhoveringoflateaboutraskolnikov’smind,andcausinghimgreatuneasiness.itwassopainfulthathemadedistincteffortstogetridofit.hesometimesthoughtthatsvidrigailovwasinghisfootsteps.svidrigailovhadfoundouthissecretandhadhaddesignsondounia.whatifhehadthemstill?wasn’titpracticallycertainthathehad?andwhatif,havinglearnthissecretandsohavinggainedpoweroverhim,heweretouseitasaweaponagainstdounia?

thisideasometimeseventormentedhisdreams,butithadneverpresenteditselfsovividlytohimasonhiswaytosvidrigailov.theverythoughtmovedhimtogloomyrage.tobeginwith,thiswouldtransformeverything,evenhisownposition;hewouldhaveatoncetoconfesshissecrettodounia.wouldhehavetogivehimselfupperhapstopreventdouniafromtakingsomerashstep?theletter?thismorningdouniahadreceivedaletter.fromwhomcouldshegetlettersinpetersburg?luzhin,perhaps?it’struerazumihinwastheretoprotecther,butrazumihinknewnothingoftheposition.perhapsitwashisdutytotellrazumihin?hethoughtofitwithrepugnance.

inanycasehemustseesvidrigailovassoonaspossible,hedecidedfinally.thankgod,thedetailsoftheinterviewwereoflittleconsequence,ifonlyhecouldgetattherootofthematter;butifsvidrigailovwerecapable…ifhewereintriguingagainstdounia—then…

raskolnikovwassoexhaustedbywhathehadpassedthroughthatmonththathecouldonlydecidesuchquestionsinoneway;“thenishallkillhim,”hethoughtincolddespair.

asuddenanguishoppressedhisheart,hestoodstillinthemiddleofthestreetandbeganlookingabouttoseewherehewasandwhichwayhewasgoing.hefoundhimselfinx.prospect,thirtyorfortypacesfromthehaymarket,throughwhichhehadcome.thewholesecondstoreyofthehouseontheleftwasusedasatavern.allthewindowswerewideopen;judgingfromthefiguresmovingatthewindows,theroomswerefulltooverflowing.thereweresoundsofsinging,ofclarionetandviolin,andtheboomofaturkishdrum.hecouldhearwomenshrieking.hewasabouttoturnbackwonderingwhyhehadcometothex.prospect,whensuddenlyatoneoftheendwindowshesawsvidrigailov,sittingatatea-tablerightintheopenwindowwithapipeinhismouth.raskolnikovwasdreadfullytakenaback,almostterrified.svidrigailovwassilentlywatchingandscrutinisinghimand,whatstruckraskolnikovatonce,seemedtobemeaningtogetupandslipawayunobserved.raskolnikovatoncepretendednottohaveseenhim,buttobelookingabsent-mindedlyaway,whilehewatchedhimoutofthecornerofhiseye.hisheartwasbeatingviolently.yet,itwasevidentthatsvidrigailovdidnotwanttobeseen.hetookthepipeoutofhismouthandwasonthepointofconcealinghimself,butashegotupandmovedbackhischair,heseemedtohavebecomesuddenlyawarethatraskolnikovhadseenhim,andwaswatchinghim.whathadpassedbetweenthemwasmuchthesameaswhathappenedattheirfirstmeetinginraskolnikov’sroom.aslysmilecameintosvidrigailov’sfaceandgrewbroaderandbroader.eachknewthathewasseenandwatchedbytheother.atlastsvidrigailovbrokeintoaloudlaugh.

“well,well,comeinifyouwantme;iamhere!”heshoutedfromthewindow.