第143章

第143章“iheardandsaweverything,”hesaid,layingstressonthelastverb.“thatishonourable,imeantosay,it’shumane!youwantedtoavoidgratitude,isaw!andalthoughicannot,iconfess,inprinciplesympathisewithprivatecharity,foritnotonlyfailstoeradicatetheevilbutevenpromotesit,yetimustadmitthatisawyouractionwithpleasure—yes,yes,ilikeit.”

“that’sallnonsense,”mutteredpyotrpetrovitch,somewhatdisconcerted,lookingcarefullyatlebeziatnikov.

“no,it’snotnonsense!amanwhohassuffereddistressandannoyanceasyoudidyesterdayandwhoyetcansympathisewiththemiseryofothers,suchaman…eventhoughheismakingasocialmistake—isstilldeservingofrespect!ididnotexpectitindeedofyou,pyotrpetrovitch,especiallyasaccordingtoyourideas…oh,whatadrawbackyourideasaretoyou!howdistressedyouareforinstancebyyourill-luckyesterday,”criedthesimple-heartedlebeziatnikov,whofeltareturnofaffectionforpyotrpetrovitch.“and,whatdoyouwantwithmarriage,withlegalmarriage,mydear,noblepyotrpetrovitch?whydoyouclingtothislegalityofmarriage?well,youmaybeatmeifyoulike,butiamglad,positivelygladithasn’tcomeoff,thatyouarefree,thatyouarenotquitelostforhumanity.…yousee,i’vespokenmymind!”

“becauseidon’twantinyourfreemarriagetobemadeafoolofandtobringupanotherman’schildren,that’swhyiwantlegalmarriage,”luzhinrepliedinordertomakesomeanswer.

heseemedupiedbysomething.

“children?youreferredtochildren,”lebeziatnikovstartedofflikeawarhorseatthetrumpetcall.“childrenareasocialquestionandaquestionoffirstimportance,iagree;butthequestionofchildrenhasanothersolution.somerefusetohavechildrenaltogether,becausetheyesttheinstitutionofthefamily.we’llspeakofchildrenlater,butnowastothequestionofhonour,iconfessthat’smyweakpoint.thathorrid,military,pushkinexpressionisunthinkableinthedictionaryofthefuture.whatdoesitmeanindeed?it’snonsense,therewillbenodeceptioninafreemarriage!thatisonlythenaturalconsequenceofalegalmarriage,sotosay,itscorrective,aprotest.sothatindeedit’snothumiliating…andifiever,tosupposeanabsurdity,weretobelegallymarried,ishouldbepositivelygladofit.ishouldsaytomywife:‘mydear,hithertoihavelovedyou,nowirespectyou,foryou’veshownyoucanprotest!’youlaugh!that’sbecauseyouareofincapableofgettingawayfromprejudices.confounditall!iunderstandnowwheretheunpleasantnessisofbeingdeceivedinalegalmarriage,butit’ssimplyadespicableconsequenceofadespicablepositioninwhichbotharehumiliated.whenthedeceptionisopen,asinafreemarriage,thenitdoesnotexist,it’sunthinkable.yourwifewillonlyprovehowsherespectsyoubyconsideringyouincapableofopposingherhappinessandavengingyourselfonherforhernewhusband.damnitall!isometimesdreamifiweretobemarried,pfoo!imeanifiweretomarry,legallyornot,it’sjustthesame,ishouldpresentmywifewithaloverifshehadnotfoundoneforherself.‘mydear,’ishouldsay,‘iloveyou,butevenmorethanthatidesireyoutorespectme.see!’aminotright?”

pyotrpetrovitcheredashelistened,butwithoutmuchmerriment.hehardlyhearditindeed.hewasupiedwithsomethingelseandevenlebeziatnikovatlastnoticedit.pyotrpetrovitchseemedexcitedandrubbedhishands.lebeziatnikovrememberedallthisandreflecteduponitafterwards.