第120章

第120章“why,whyshouldweletourchanceslipwhenwehaveoneofthechiefmeansofess—moneyofourown!”criedrazumihinwarmly.“ofcoursetherewillbealotofwork,butwewillwork,you,avdotyaromanovna,i,rodion.…yougetasplendidprofitonsomebooksnowadays!andthegreatpointofthebusinessisthatweshallknowjustwhatwantstranslating,andweshallbetranslating,publishing,learningallatonce.icanbeofusebecauseihaveexperience.fornearlytwoyearsi’vebeenscuttlingaboutamongthepublishers,andnowiknoweverydetailoftheirbusiness.youneednotbeasainttomakepots,believeme!andwhy,whyshouldweletourchanceslip!why,iknow—andikeptthesecret—twoorthreebookswhichonemightgetahundredroublessimplyforthinkingoftranslatingandpublishing.indeed,andiwouldnottakefivehundredfortheveryideaofoneofthem.andwhatdoyouthink?ifiweretotellapublisher,idaresayhe’dhesitate—theyaresuchblockheads!andasforthebusinessside,printing,paper,selling,youtrusttome,iknowmywayabout.we’llbegininasmallwayandgoontoalarge.inanycaseitwillgetusourlivingandweshallgetbackourcapital.”

dounia’seyesshone.

“ilikewhatyouaresaying,dmitriprokofitch!”shesaid.

“iknownothingaboutit,ofcourse,”putinpulcheriaalexandrovna,“itmaybeagoodidea,butagaingodknows.it’snewanduntried.ofcourse,wemustremainhereatleastforatime.”shelookedatrodya.

“whatdoyouthink,brother?”saiddounia.

“ithinkhe’sgotaverygoodidea,”heanswered.“ofcourse,it’stoosoontodreamofapublishingfirm,butwecertainlymightbringoutfiveorsixbooksandbesureofess.iknowofonebookmyselfwhichwouldbesuretogowell.andasforhisbeingabletomanageit,there’snodoubtaboutthateither.heknowsthebusiness.…butwecantalkitoverlater.…”

“hurrah!”criedrazumihin.“now,stay,there’saflathereinthishouse,belongingtothesameowner.it’saspecialflatapart,notcommunicatingwiththeselodgings.it’sfurnished,rentmoderate,threerooms.supposeyoutakethemtobeginwith.i’llpawnyourwatchto-morrowandbringyouthemoney,andeverythingcanbearrangedthen.youcanallthreelivetogether,androdyawillbewithyou.butwhereareyouoffto,rodya?”

“what,rodya,youaregoingalready?”pulcheriaalexandrovnaaskedindismay.

“atsuchaminute?”criedrazumihin.

dounialookedatherbrotherwithincredulouswonder.heheldhiscapinhishand,hewaspreparingtoleavethem.

“onewouldthinkyouwereburyingmeorsayinggood-byeforever,”hesaidsomewhatoddly.heattemptedtosmile,butitdidnotturnoutasmile.“butwhoknows,perhapsitisthelasttimeweshallseeeachother…”heletslipaccidentally.itwaswhathewasthinking,anditsomehowwasutteredaloud.

“whatisthematterwithyou?”criedhismother.

“whereareyougoing,rodya?”askeddouniaratherstrangely.

“oh,i’mquiteobligedto…”heansweredvaguely,asthoughhesitatingwhathewouldsay.buttherewasalookofsharpdeterminationinhiswhiteface.

“imeanttosay…asiwascominghere…imeanttotellyou,mother,andyou,dounia,thatitwouldbebetterforustopartforatime.ifeelill,iamnotatpeace.…iwillcomeafterwards,iwillcomeofmyself…whenit’spossible.irememberyouandloveyou.…leaveme,leavemealone.idecidedthisevenbefore…i’mabsolutelyresolvedonit.whatevermaycometome,whethericometoruinornot,iwanttobealone.forgetmealtogether,it’sbetter.don’tinquireaboutme.whenican,i’llcomeofmyselfor…i’llsendforyou.perhapsitwillallcomeback,butnowifyouloveme,givemeup…elseishallbegintohateyou,ifeelit.…good-bye!”

“goodgod!”criedpulcheriaalexandrovna.bothhismotherandhissisterwereterriblyalarmed.razumihinwasalso.

“rodya,rodya,bereconciledwithus!letusbeasbefore!”criedhispoormother.

heturnedslowlytothedoorandslowlywentoutoftheroom.douniaovertookhim.

“brother,whatareyoudoingtomother?”shewhispered,hereyesflashingwithindignation.

helookeddullyather.

“nomatter,ishallcome.…i’mcoming,”hemutteredinanundertone,asthoughnotfullyconsciousofwhathewassaying,andhewentoutoftheroom.

“wicked,heartlessegoist!”crieddounia.

“heisinsane,butnotheartless.heismad!don’tyouseeit?you’reheartlessafterthat!”razumihinwhisperedinherear,squeezingherhandtightly.“ishallbebackdirectly,”heshoutedtothehorror-strickenmother,andheranoutoftheroom.

raskolnikovwaswaitingforhimattheendofthepassage.

“iknewyouwouldrunafterme,”hesaid.“gobacktothem—bewiththem…bewiththemto-morrowandalways.…i…perhapsishallcome…ifican.good-bye.”

andwithoutholdingouthishandhewalkedaway.

“butwhereareyougoing?whatareyoudoing?what’sthematterwithyou?howcanyougoonlikethis?”razumihinmuttered,athiswits’end.

raskolnikovstoppedoncemore.

“onceforall,neveraskmeaboutanything.ihavenothingtotellyou.don’tcometoseeme.maybei’llcomehere.…leaveme,butdon’tleavethem.doyouunderstandme?”

itwasdarkinthecorridor,theywerestandingnearthelamp.foraminutetheywerelookingatoneanotherinsilence.razumihinrememberedthatminuteallhislife.raskolnikov’sburningandintenteyesgrewmorepenetratingeverymoment,piercingintohissoul,intohisconsciousness.suddenlyrazumihinstarted.somethingstrange,asitwere,passedbetweenthem.…someidea,somehint,asitwere,slipped,somethingawful,hideous,andsuddenlyunderstoodonbothsides.…razumihinturnedpale.

“doyouunderstandnow?”saidraskolnikov,hisfacetwitchingnervously.“goback,gotothem,”hesaidsuddenly,andturningquickly,hewentoutofthehouse.

iwillnotattempttodescribehowrazumihinwentbacktotheladies,howhesoothedthem,howheprotestedthatrodyaneededrestinhisillness,protestedthatrodyawassuretocome,thathewouldcomeeveryday,thathewasvery,verymuchupset,thathemustnotbeirritated,thathe,razumihin,wouldwatchoverhim,wouldgethimadoctor,thebestdoctor,aconsultation.…infactfromthateveningrazumihintookhisplacewiththemasasonandabrother.