第121章

第121章raskolnikovwentstraighttothehouseonthecanalbankwheresonialived.itwasanoldgreenhouseofthreestoreys.hefoundtheporterandobtainedfromhimvaguedirectionsastothewhereaboutsofkapernaumov,thetailor.havingfoundinthecornerofthecourtyardtheentrancetothedarkandnarrowstaircase,hemountedtothesecondfloorandcameoutintoagallerythatranroundthewholesecondstoreyovertheyard.whilehewaswanderinginthedarkness,uncertainwheretoturnforkapernaumov’sdoor,adooropenedthreepacesfromhim;hemechanicallytookholdofit.

“whoisthere?”awoman’svoiceaskeduneasily.

“it’si…cometoseeyou,”answeredraskolnikovandhewalkedintothetinyentry.

onabrokenchairstoodacandleinabatteredcoppercandlestick.

“it’syou!goodheavens!”criedsoniaweakly,andshestoodrootedtothespot.

“whichisyourroom?thisway?”andraskolnikov,tryingnottolookather,hastenedin.

aminutelatersonia,too,cameinwiththecandle,setdownthecandlestickand,completelydisconcerted,stoodbeforehiminexpressiblyagitatedandapparentlyfrightenedbyhisunexpectedvisit.thecolourrushedsuddenlytoherpalefaceandtearscameintohereyes…shefeltsickandashamedandhappy,too.…raskolnikovturnedawayquicklyandsatonachairbythetable.hescannedtheroominarapidglance.

itwasalargebutexceedinglylow-pitchedroom,theonlyoneletbythekapernaumovs,towhoseroomsacloseddoorledinthewallontheleft.intheoppositesideontherighthandwallwasanotherdoor,alwayskeptlocked.thatledtothenextflat,whichformedaseparatelodging.sonia’sroomlookedlikeabarn;itwasaveryirregularquadrangleandthisgaveitagrotesqueappearance.awallwiththreewindowslookingoutontothecanalranaslantsothatonecornerformedaveryacuteangle,anditwasdifficulttoseeinitwithoutverystronglight.theothercornerwasdisproportionatelyobtuse.therewasscarcelyanyfurnitureinthebigroom:inthecornerontherightwasabedstead,besideit,nearestthedoor,achair.aplain,dealtablecoveredbyablueclothstoodagainstthesamewall,closetothedoorintotheotherflat.tworush-bottomchairsstoodbythetable.ontheoppositewallneartheacuteanglestoodasmallplainwoodenchestofdrawerslooking,asitwere,lostinadesert.thatwasalltherewasintheroom.theyellow,scratchedandshabbywall-paperwasblackinthecorners.itmusthavebeendampandfulloffumesinthewinter.therewaseverysignofpoverty;eventhebedsteadhadnocurtain.

sonialookedinsilenceathervisitor,whowassoattentivelyandunceremoniouslyscrutinisingherroom,andevenbeganatlasttotremblewithterror,asthoughshewasstandingbeforeherjudgeandthearbiterofherdestinies.

“iamlate.…it’seleven,isn’tit?”heasked,stillnotliftinghiseyes.

“yes,”mutteredsonia,“ohyes,itis,”sheadded,hastily,asthoughinthatlayhermeansofescape.“mylandlady’sclockhasjuststruck…ihearditmyself.…”

“i’vecometoyouforthelasttime,”raskolnikovwentongloomily,althoughthiswasthefirsttime.“imayperhapsnotseeyouagain…”

“areyou…goingaway?”

“idon’tknow…to-morrow.…”

“thenyouarenotcomingtokaterinaivanovnato-morrow?”sonia’svoiceshook.

“idon’tknow.ishallknowto-morrowmorning.…nevermindthat:i’vecometosayoneword.…”

heraisedhisbroodingeyestoherandsuddenlynoticedthathewassittingdownwhileshewasallthewhilestandingbeforehim.

“whyareyoustanding?sitdown,”hesaidinachangedvoice,gentleandfriendly.

shesatdown.helookedkindlyandalmostcompassionatelyather.

“howthinyouare!whatahand!quitetransparent,likeadeadhand.”

hetookherhand.soniasmiledfaintly.

“ihavealwaysbeenlikethat,”shesaid.

“evenwhenyoulivedathome?”

“yes.”

“ofcourse,youwere,”headdedabruptlyandtheexpressionofhisfaceandthesoundofhisvoicechangedagainsuddenly.

helookedroundhimoncemore.

“yourentthisroomfromthekapernaumovs?”

“yes.…”

“theylivethere,throughthatdoor?”

“yes.…theyhaveanotherroomlikethis.”

“allinoneroom?”

“yes.”

“ishouldbeafraidinyourroomatnight,”heobservedgloomily.

“theyareverygoodpeople,verykind,”answeredsonia,whostillseemedbewildered,“andallthefurniture,everything…everythingistheirs.andtheyareverykindandthechildren,too,oftencometoseeme.”

“theyallstammer,don’tthey?”

“yes.…hestammersandhe’slame.andhiswife,too.…it’snotexactlythatshestammers,butshecan’tspeakplainly.sheisaverykindwoman.andheusedtobeahouseserf.andtherearesevenchildren…andit’sonlytheeldestonethatstammersandtheothersaresimplyill…buttheydon’tstammer.…butwheredidyouhearaboutthem?”sheaddedwithsomesurprise.

“yourfathertoldme,then.hetoldmeallaboutyou.…andhowyouwentoutatsixo’clockandcamebackatnineandhowkaterinaivanovnakneltdownbyyourbed.”

soniawasconfused.

“ifanciedisawhimto-day,”shewhisperedhesitatingly.

“whom?”

“father.iwaswalkinginthestreet,outthereatthecorner,aboutteno’clockandheseemedtobewalkinginfront.itlookedjustlikehim.iwantedtogotokaterinaivanovna.…”

“youwerewalkinginthestreets?”

“yes,”soniawhisperedabruptly,againovercomewithconfusionandlookingdown.

“katerinaivanovnausedtobeatyou,idaresay?”

“ohno,whatareyousaying?no!”sonialookedathimalmostwithdismay.

“youloveher,then?”

“loveher?ofcourse!”saidsoniawithplaintiveemphasis,andsheclaspedherhandsindistress.“ah,youdon’t.…ifyouonlyknew!yousee,sheisquitelikeachild.…hermindisquiteunhinged,yousee…fromsorrow.andhowcleversheusedtobe…howgenerous…howkind!ah,youdon’tunderstand,youdon’tunderstand!”