第118章

第118章thefactwasthatuptothelastmomenthehadneverexpectedsuchanending;hehadbeenoverbearingtothelastdegree,neverdreamingthattwodestituteanddefencelesswomencouldescapefromhiscontrol.thisconvictionwasstrengthenedbyhisvanityandconceit,aconceittothepointoffatuity.pyotrpetrovitch,whohadmadehiswayupfrominsignificance,wasmorbidlygiventoself-admiration,hadthehighestopinionofhisintelligenceandcapacities,andsometimesevengloatedinsolitudeoverhisimageintheglass.butwhathelovedandvaluedaboveallwasthemoneyhehadamassedbyhislabour,andbyallsortsofdevices:thatmoneymadehimtheequalofallwhohadbeenhissuperiors.

whenhehadbitterlyremindeddouniathathehaddecidedtotakeherinspiteofevilreport,pyotrpetrovitchhadspokenwithperfectsincerityandhad,indeed,feltgenuinelyindignantatsuch“blackingratitude.”andyet,whenhemadedouniahisoffer,hewasfullyawareofthegroundlessnessofallthegossip.thestoryhadbeeneverywherecontradictedbymarfapetrovna,andwasbythendisbelievedbyallthetownspeople,whowerewarmindounia’adefence.andhewouldnothavedeniedthatheknewallthatatthetime.yethestillthoughthighlyofhisownresolutioninliftingdouniatohislevelandregardeditassomethingheroic.inspeakingofittodounia,hehadletoutthesecretfeelinghecherishedandadmired,andhecouldnotunderstandthatothersshouldfailtoadmireittoo.hehadcalledonraskolnikovwiththefeelingsofabenefactorwhoisabouttoreapthefruitsofhisgooddeedsandtohearagreeableflattery.andashewentdownstairsnow,heconsideredhimselfmostundeservedlyinjuredandunrecognised.

douniawassimplyessentialtohim;todowithoutherwasunthinkable.formanyyearshehadhadvoluptuousdreamsofmarriage,buthehadgoneonwaitingandamassingmoney.hebroodedwithrelish,inprofoundsecret,overtheimageofagirl—virtuous,poor(shemustbepoor),veryyoung,verypretty,ofgoodbirthandeducation,verytimid,onewhohadsufferedmuch,andwascompletelyhumbledbeforehim,onewhowouldallherlifelookonhimashersaviour,worshiphim,admirehimandonlyhim.howmanyscenes,howmanyamorousepisodeshehadimaginedonthisseductiveandplayfultheme,whenhisworkwasover!and,behold,thedreamofsomanyyearswasallbutrealised;thebeautyandeducationofavdotyaromanovnahadimpressedhim;herhelplesspositionhadbeenagreatallurement;inherhehadfoundevenmorethanhedreamedof.herewasagirlofpride,character,virtue,ofeducationandbreedingsuperiortohisown(hefeltthat),andthiscreaturewouldbeslavishlygratefulallherlifeforhisheroiccondescension,andwouldhumbleherselfinthedustbeforehim,andhewouldhaveabsolute,unboundedpoweroverher!…notlongbefore,hehad,too,afterlongreflectionandhesitation,madeanimportantchangeinhiscareerandwasnowenteringonawidercircleofbusiness.withthischangehischerisheddreamsofrisingintoahigherclassofsocietyseemedlikelytoberealised.…hewas,infact,determinedtotryhisfortuneinpetersburg.heknewthatwomencoulddoaverygreatdeal.thefascinationofacharming,virtuous,highlyeducatedwomanmightmakehiswayeasier,mightdowondersinattractingpeopletohim,throwinganaureoleroundhim,andnoweverythingwasinruins!thissuddenhorribleruptureaffectedhimlikeaclapofthunder;itwaslikeahideousjoke,anabsurdity.hehadonlybeenatinybitmasterful,hadnoteventimetospeakout,hadsimplymadeajoke,beencarriedaway—andithadendedsoseriously.and,ofcourse,too,hedidlovedouniainhisownway;healreadypossessedherinhisdreams—andallatonce!no!thenextday,theverynextday,itmustallbesetright,smoothedover,settled.aboveallhemustcrushthatconceitedmilksopwhowasthecauseofitall.withasickfeelinghecouldnothelprecallingrazumihintoo,but,hesoonreassuredhimselfonthatscore;asthoughafellowlikethatcouldbeputonalevelwithhim!themanhereallydreadedinearnestwassvidrigailov.…hehad,inshort,agreatdealtoattendto.…

“no,i,iammoretoblamethananyone!”saiddounia,kissingandembracinghermother.“iwastemptedbyhismoney,butonmyhonour,brother,ihadnoideahewassuchabaseman.ifihadseenthroughhimbefore,nothingwouldhavetemptedme!don’tblameme,brother!”

“godhasdeliveredus!godhasdeliveredus!”pulcheriaalexandrovnamuttered,buthalfconsciously,asthoughscarcelyabletorealisewhathadhappened.

theywereallrelieved,andinfiveminutestheywerelaughing.onlynowandthendouniaturnedwhiteandfrowned,rememberingwhathadpassed.pulcheriaalexandrovnawassurprisedtofindthatshe,too,wasglad:shehadonlythatmorningthoughtrupturewithluzhinaterriblemisfortune.razumihinwasdelighted.hedidnotyetdaretoexpresshisjoyfully,buthewasinafeverofexcitementasthoughaton-weighthadfallenoffhisheart.nowhehadtherighttodevotehislifetothem,toservethem.…anythingmighthappennow!buthefeltafraidtothinkoffurtherpossibilitiesanddarednotlethisimaginationrange.butraskolnikovsatstillinthesameplace,almostsullenandindifferent.thoughhehadbeenthemostinsistentongettingridofluzhin,heseemednowtheleastconcernedatwhathadhappened.douniacouldnothelpthinkingthathewasstillangrywithher,andpulcheriaalexandrovnawatchedhimtimidly.

“whatdidsvidrigailovsaytoyou?”saiddounia,approachinghim.

“yes,yes!”criedpulcheriaalexandrovna.

raskolnikovraisedhishead.

“hewantstomakeyouapresentoftenthousandroublesandhedesirestoseeyouonceinmypresence.”

“seeher!onnoaccount!”criedpulcheriaalexandrovna.“andhowdareheofferhermoney!”