第108章

第108章“canthisbestilladream?”raskolnikovthoughtoncemore.

helookedcarefullyandsuspiciouslyattheunexpectedvisitor.

“svidrigailov!whatnonsense!itcan’tbe!”hesaidatlastaloudinbewilderment.

hisvisitordidnotseematallsurprisedatthisexclamation.

“i’vecometoyoufortworeasons.inthefirstplace,iwantedtomakeyourpersonalacquaintance,asihavealreadyheardagreatdealaboutyouthatisinterestingandflattering;secondly,icherishthehopethatyoumaynotrefusetoassistmeinamatterdirectlyconcerningthewelfareofyoursister,avdotyaromanovna.forwithoutyoursupportshemightnotletmecomenearhernow,forsheisprejudicedagainstme,butwithyourassistanceireckonon…”

“youreckonwrongly,”interruptedraskolnikov.

“theyonlyarrivedyesterday,mayiaskyou?”

raskolnikovmadenoreply.

“itwasyesterday,iknow.ionlyarrivedmyselfthedaybefore.well,letmetellyouthis,rodionromanovitch,idon’tconsideritnecessarytojustifymyself,butkindlytellmewhatwasthereparticularlycriminalonmypartinallthisbusiness,speakingwithoutprejudice,withcommonsense?”

raskolnikovcontinuedtolookathiminsilence.

“thatinmyownhouseipersecutedadefencelessgirland‘insultedherwithmyinfamousproposals’—isthatit?(iamanticipatingyou.)butyou’veonlytoassumethati,too,amamanetnihilhumanum…inaword,thatiamcapableofbeingattractedandfallinginlove(whichdoesnotdependonourwill),theneverythingcanbeexplainedinthemostnaturalmanner.thequestionis,amiamonster,oramimyselfavictim?andwhatifiamavictim?inproposingtotheobjectofmypassiontoelopewithmetoamericaorswitzerland,imayhavecherishedthedeepestrespectforherandmayhavethoughtthatiwaspromotingourmutualhappiness!reasonistheslaveofpassion,youknow;why,probably,iwasdoingmoreharmtomyselfthananyone!”

“butthat’snotthepoint,”raskolnikovinterruptedwithdisgust.“it’ssimplythatwhetheryouarerightorwrong,wedislikeyou.wedon’twanttohaveanythingtodowithyou.weshowyouthedoor.goout!”

svidrigailovbrokeintoasuddenlaugh.

“butyou’re…butthere’snogettingroundyou,”hesaid,laughinginthefrankestway.“ihopedtogetroundyou,butyoutookuptherightlineatonce!”

“butyouaretryingtogetroundmestill!”

“whatofit?whatofit?”criedsvidrigailov,laughingopenly.“butthisiswhatthefrenchcallbonneguerre,andthemostinnocentformofdeception!…butstillyouhaveinterruptedme;onewayoranother,irepeatagain:therewouldneverhavebeenanyunpleasantnessexceptforwhathappenedinthegarden.marfapetrovna…”

“youhavegotridofmarfapetrovna,too,sotheysay?”raskolnikovinterruptedrudely.

“oh,you’veheardthat,too,then?you’dbesureto,though.…butasforyourquestion,ireallydon’tknowwhattosay,thoughmyownconscienceisquiteatrestonthatscore.don’tsupposethatiaminanyapprehensionaboutit.allwasregularandinorder;themedicalinquirydiagnosedapoplexyduetobathingimmediatelyafteraheavydinnerandabottleofwine,andindeeditcouldhaveprovednothingelse.buti’lltellyouwhatihavebeenthinkingtomyselfoflate,onmywayhereinthetrain,especially:didn’ticontributetoallthat…calamity,morally,inaway,byirritationorsomethingofthesort.buticametotheconclusionthatthat,too,wasquiteoutofthequestion.”

raskolnikovlaughed.

“iwonderyoutroubleyourselfaboutit!”

“butwhatareyoulaughingat?onlyconsider,istruckherjusttwicewithaswitch—therewerenomarkseven…don’tregardmeasacynic,please;iamperfectlyawarehowatrociousitwasofmeandallthat;butiknowforcertain,too,thatmarfapetrovnawasverylikelypleasedatmy,sotosay,warmth.thestoryofyoursisterhadbeenwrungouttothelastdrop;forthelastthreedaysmarfapetrovnahadbeenforcedtositathome;shehadnothingtoshowherselfwithinthetown.besides,shehadboredthemsowiththatletter(youheardaboutherreadingtheletter).andallofasuddenthosetwoswitchesfellfromheaven!herfirstactwastoorderthecarriagetobegotout.…nottospeakofthefactthattherearecaseswhenwomenarevery,verygladtobeinsultedinspiteofalltheirshowofindignation.thereareinstancesofitwitheveryone;humanbeingsingeneral,indeed,greatlylovetobeinsulted,haveyounoticedthat?butit’sparticularlysowithwomen.onemightevensayit’stheironlyamusement.”

atonetimeraskolnikovthoughtofgettingupandwalkingoutandsofinishingtheinterview.butsomecuriosityandevenasortofprudencemadehimlingerforamoment.

“youarefondoffighting?”heaskedcarelessly.