第112章

第112章“ibegantobeawareofitbefore,butwasonlyperfectlysureofitthedaybeforeyesterday,almostatthemomentiarrivedinpetersburg.istillfanciedinmoscow,though,thatiwascomingtotrytogetavdotyaromanovna’shandandtocutoutmr.luzhin.”

“excusemeforinterruptingyou;kindlybebrief,andcometotheobjectofyourvisit.iaminahurry,iwanttogoout…”

“withthegreatestpleasure.onarrivinghereanddeterminingonacertain…journey,ishouldliketomakesomenecessarypreliminaryarrangements.ileftmychildrenwithanaunt;theyarewellprovidedfor;andtheyhavenoneedofmepersonally.andanicefatherishouldmake,too!ihavetakennothingbutwhatmarfapetrovnagavemeayearago.that’senoughforme.excuseme,iamjustcomingtothepoint.beforethejourneywhichmaycomeoff,iwanttosettlemr.luzhin,too.it’snotthatidetesthimsomuch,butitwasthroughhimiquarrelledwithmarfapetrovnawhenilearnedthatshehaddishedupthismarriage.iwantnowtoseeavdotyaromanovnathroughyourmediation,andifyoulikeinyourpresence,toexplaintoherthatinthefirstplaceshewillnevergainanythingbutharmfrommr.luzhin.then,ingherpardonforallpastunpleasantness,tomakeherapresentoftenthousandroublesandsoassisttherupturewithmr.luzhin,arupturetowhichibelievesheisherselfnotdisinclined,ifshecouldseethewaytoit.”

“youarecertainlymad,”criedraskolnikovnotsomuchangeredasastonished.“howdareyoutalklikethat!”

“iknewyouwouldscreamatme;butinthefirstplace,thoughiamnotrich,thistenthousandroublesisperfectlyfree;ihaveabsolutelynoneedforit.ifavdotyaromanovnadoesnotacceptit,ishallwasteitinsomemorefoolishway.that’sthefirstthing.secondly,myconscienceisperfectlyeasy;imaketheofferwithnoulteriormotive.youmaynotbelieveit,butintheendavdotyaromanovnaandyouwillknow.thepointis,thatididactuallycauseyoursister,whomigreatlyrespect,sometroubleandunpleasantness,andso,sincerelyregrettingit,iwant—nottocompensate,nottorepayherfortheunpleasantness,butsimplytodosomethingtoheradvantage,toshowthatiamnot,afterall,privilegedtodonothingbutharm.iftherewereamillionthfractionofself-interestinmyoffer,ishouldnothavemadeitsoopenly;andishouldnothaveofferedhertenthousandonly,whenfiveweeksagoiofferedhermore,besides,imay,perhaps,verysoonmarryayounglady,andthataloneoughttopreventsuspicionofanydesignonavdotyaromanovna.inconclusion,letmesaythatinmarryingmr.luzhin,sheistakingmoneyjustthesame,onlyfromanotherman.don’tbeangry,rodionromanovitch,thinkitovercoollyandquietly.”

svidrigailovhimselfwasexceedinglycoolandquietashewassayingthis.

“ibegyoutosaynomore,”saidraskolnikov.“inanycasethisisunpardonableimpertinence.”

“notintheleast.thenamanmaydonothingbutharmtohisneighbourinthisworld,andispreventedfromdoingthetiniestbitofgoodbytrivialconventionalformalities.that’sabsurd.ifidied,forinstance,andleftthatsumtoyoursisterinmywill,surelyshewouldn’trefuseit?”

“verylikelyshewould.”

“oh,no,indeed.however,ifyourefuseit,sobeit,thoughtenthousandroublesisacapitalthingtohaveonoccasion.inanycaseibegyoutorepeatwhatihavesaidtoavdotyaromanovna.”

“no,iwon’t.”

“inthatcase,rodionromanovitch,ishallbeobligedtotryandseehermyselfandworryherbydoingso.”

“andifidotellher,willyounottrytoseeher?”

“idon’tknowreallywhattosay.ishouldlikeverymuchtoseeheroncemore.”

“don’thopeforit.”

“i’msorry.butyoudon’tknowme.perhapswemaybecomebetterfriends.”

“youthinkwemaybecomefriends?”

“andwhynot?”svidrigailovsaid,smiling.hestoodupandtookhishat.“ididn’tquiteintendtodisturbyouandicameherewithoutreckoningonit…thoughiwasverymuchstruckbyyourfacethismorning.”

“wheredidyouseemethismorning?”raskolnikovaskeduneasily.

“isawyoubychance.…ikeptfancyingthereissomethingaboutyoulikeme.…butdon’tbeuneasy.iamnotintrusive;iusedtogetonallrightwithcard-sharpers,andineverboredprincesvirbey,agreatpersonagewhoisadistantrelationofmine,andicouldwriteaboutraphael’smadonnainmadamprilukov’salbum,andineverleftmarfapetrovna’ssideforsevenyears,andiusedtostaythenightatviazemsky’shouseinthehaymarketintheolddays,andimaygoupinaballoonwithberg,perhaps.”

“oh,allright.areyoustartingsoononyourtravels,mayiask?”

“whattravels?”

“why,onthat‘journey’;youspokeofityourself.”

“ajourney?oh,yes.ididspeakofajourney.well,that’sawidesubject.…ifonlyyouknewwhatyouareasking,”headded,andgaveasudden,loud,shortlaugh.“perhapsi’llgetmarriedinsteadofthejourney.they’remakingamatchforme.”

“here?”

“yes.”

“howhaveyouhadtimeforthat?”

“butiamveryanxioustoseeavdotyaromanovnaonce.iearnestlybegit.well,good-byeforthepresent.oh,yes.ihaveforgottensomething.tellyoursister,rodionromanovitch,thatmarfapetrovnarememberedherinherwillandleftherthreethousandroubles.that’sabsolutelycertain.marfapetrovnaarrangeditaweekbeforeherdeath,anditwasdoneinmypresence.avdotyaromanovnawillbeabletoreceivethemoneyintwoorthreeweeks.”

“areyoutellingthetruth?”

“yes,tellher.well,yourservant.iamstayingverynearyou.”

ashewentout,svidrigailovranupagainstrazumihininthedoorway.