第68章

第68章raskolnikovwalkedonandturnedthecornerintosadovystreet.razumihinlookedafterhimthoughtfully.thenwithawaveofhishandhewentintothehousebutstoppedshortofthestairs.

“confoundit,”hewentonalmostaloud.“hetalkedsensiblybutyet…iamafool!asifmadmendidn’ttalksensibly!andthiswasjustwhatzossimovseemedafraidof.”hestruckhisfingeronhisforehead.“whatif…howcouldilethimgooffalone?hemaydrownhimself.…ach,whatablunder!ican’t.”andheranbacktoovertakeraskolnikov,buttherewasnotraceofhim.withacursehereturnedwithrapidstepstothepalaisdecristaltoquestionzametov.

raskolnikovwalkedstraighttox——bridge,stoodinthemiddle,andleaningbothelbowsontherailstaredintothedistance.onpartingwithrazumihin,hefeltsomuchweakerthathecouldscarcelyreachthisplace.helongedtositorliedownsomewhereinthestreet.bendingoverthewater,hegazedmechanicallyatthelastpinkflushofthesunset,attherowofhousesgrowingdarkinthegatheringtwilight,atonedistantatticwindowontheleftbank,flashingasthoughonfireinthelastraysofthesettingsun,atthedarkeningwaterofthecanal,andthewaterseemedtocatchhisattention.atlastredcirclesflashedbeforehiseyes,thehousesseemedmoving,thepassers-by,thecanalbanks,thecarriages,alldancedbeforehiseyes.suddenlyhestarted,savedagainperhapsfromswooningbyanuncannyandhideoussight.hebecameawareofsomeonestandingontherightsideofhim;helookedandsawatallwomanwithakerchiefonherhead,withalong,yellow,wastedfaceandredsunkeneyes.shewaslookingstraightathim,butobviouslyshesawnothingandrecognisednoone.suddenlysheleanedherrighthandontheparapet,liftedherrightlegovertherailing,thenherleftandthrewherselfintothecanal.thefilthywaterpartedandswallowedupitsvictimforamoment,butaninstantlaterthedrowningwomanfloatedtothesurface,movingslowlywiththecurrent,herheadandlegsinthewater,herskirtinflatedlikeaballoonoverherback.

“awomandrowning!awomandrowning!”shouteddozensofvoices;peopleranup,bothbankswerethrongedwithspectators,onthebridgepeoplecrowdedaboutraskolnikov,pressingupbehindhim.

“mercyonit!it’sourafrosinya!”awomancriedtearfullycloseby.“mercy!saveher!kindpeople,pullherout!”

“aboat,aboat”wasshoutedinthecrowd.buttherewasnoneedofaboat;apolicemanrandownthestepstothecanal,threwoffhisgreatcoatandhisbootsandrushedintothewater.itwaseasytoreachher:shefloatedwithinacoupleofyardsfromthesteps,hecaughtholdofherclotheswithhisrighthandandwithhisleftseizedapolewhichacomradeheldouttohim;thedrowningwomanwaspulledoutatonce.theylaidheronthegranitepavementoftheembankment.shesoonrecoveredconsciousness,raisedherhead,satupandbegansneezingandcoughing,stupidlywipingherwetdresswithherhands.shesaidnothing.

“she’sdrunkherselfoutofhersenses,”thesamewoman’svoicewailedatherside.“outofhersenses.theotherdayshetriedtohangherself,wecutherdown.iranouttotheshopjustnow,leftmylittlegirltolookafterher—andhereshe’sintroubleagain!aneighbour,gentleman,aneighbour,welivecloseby,thesecondhousefromtheend,seeyonder.…”

thecrowdbrokeup.thepolicestillremainedroundthewoman,someonementionedthepolicestation.…raskolnikovlookedonwithastrangesensationofindifferenceandapathy.hefeltdisgusted.“no,that’sloathsome…water…it’snotgoodenough,”hemutteredtohimself.“nothingwillcomeofit,”headded,“nousetowait.whataboutthepoliceoffice…?andwhyisn’tzametovatthepoliceoffice?thepoliceofficeisopentillteno’clock.…”heturnedhisbacktotherailingandlookedabouthim.

“verywellthen!”hesaidresolutely;hemovedfromthebridgeandwalkedinthedirectionofthepoliceoffice.hisheartfelthollowandempty.hedidnotwanttothink.evenhisdepressionhadpassed,therewasnotatracenowoftheenergywithwhichhehadsetout“tomakeanendofitall.”completeapathyhadeededtoit.

“well,it’sawayoutofit,”hethought,walkingslowlyandlistlesslyalongthecanalbank.“anywayi’llmakeanend,foriwantto.…butisitawayout?whatdoesitmatter!there’llbethesquareyardofspace—ha!butwhatanend!isitreallytheend?shallitellthemornot?ah…damn!howtirediam!ificouldfindsomewheretositorliedownsoon!whatiammostashamedofisitsbeingsostupid.butidon’tcareaboutthateither!whatidioticideascomeintoone’shead.”